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Lone parents

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Original poster

Ex has asked DD to call his partner mum

53 replies

MaisieMoo7 · 28/08/2021 23:40

My DD (7) has been asked by my ex to call his partner “mum”. They’ve been together 4 years and from very early on in the r/s my DD was asked to call her stepmum but as they are getting married soon (it’s his third marriage - he’s early 40s!) he wants her to call her mum. My DD told me this tonight and says she’s confused because it’s being forced upon her. She sees her dad EOW and extra time during the holidays so he is a constant part in her life. My ex is a classic narcissist and a serial cheat. I just wanted your thoughts about how to respond to it. I know narcs love the drama and he will know that it will upset me which it does. Should I just ignore?! WWYD?

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 28/08/2021 23:46

Look for a compromise that won't confuse your DD. She can't have two mums so "Ma" maybe?
What does the new wife want to called?

Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 28/08/2021 23:49

Thanks for the response and that’s a good idea. She wants to be called “mum” when DD is staying at theirs.

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 28/08/2021 23:51

She wants to be called “mum” when DD is staying at theirs.

Not possible. Your DD already has a "mum".

Sleepinghyena · 28/08/2021 23:51

No way should your poor little girl have to call her Mum!

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 28/08/2021 23:54

No one should be telling a child that they have to call their step parent Mum or Dad.
If your DD wants to call her stepmother Mum/Ma/Mom that's fine as long as it's off her own back & she isn't being forced to do it.

ANameChangeAgain · 28/08/2021 23:54

I think requesting she call step mother "mum" is revolting. She only has / needs one mum, and that is you. How horrible would he find it if you allowed her to call other men dad?

Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 28/08/2021 23:56

I’m quite a relaxed/shy person but my ex’s partner is very forward. I will have a proper chat with my DD tomorrow to see what she thinks. It sucks being a lone parent sometimes!

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 28/08/2021 23:57

No.. She has a mum and that is you. His partner should be called by her name

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/08/2021 23:58

Do you have a new partner? Tell your ex you’re so happy to do this because you want your DD to call him dad😉

RandomMess · 29/08/2021 00:00

It's up to your DD, perhaps suggest something like "mother" or "mummy 2" Wink

Ninkanink · 29/08/2021 00:02

You can’t ask her what she thinks at this age, imo. It’s a lot to put on a child.

Of course she can’t call her mum. You’re her mum.

Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 29/08/2021 00:03

Thanks for your comments. Yes I think it’s really off what they’re doing and it’s hurtful. Especially as I do 90% of the hard graft with my DD and they do the “fun” stuff EOW with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 29/08/2021 00:05

Ha ha I don’t have a partner - exactly he wouldn’t like DD calling another bloke dad 😂

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 29/08/2021 00:10

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

Do you have a new partner? Tell your ex you’re so happy to do this because you want your DD to call him dad😉
This is a good point. Tell your ex that you wouldn't expect DD to call any new partner of yours "dad" as she already has one. If it's all about him he might understand.
TableFlowerss · 29/08/2021 00:11

Is he off his fucking trolly?? Your her mum, why the bell would she possibly need to call his wife mum for. That’s mental.

TableFlowerss · 29/08/2021 00:12

You’re
hell not bell 😂

VanishingAct · 29/08/2021 00:15

Bonkers. Absolutely no 'compromise' should be considered. She should call this woman by her first name of course.

His third (!) marriage obviously isn't going to be his last so he'll be expecting her to call another woman 'mum' in 5 years time.

VanishingAct · 29/08/2021 00:16

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

Do you have a new partner? Tell your ex you’re so happy to do this because you want your DD to call him dad😉
this
Kiduknot · 29/08/2021 00:18

No way!

TwinsandTrifle · 29/08/2021 00:19

Have they said she can if she wants to, and they'd like it, or have they instructed DD that she is to call her mum. The former seems likely.

The two are very different.

VanishingAct · 29/08/2021 00:20

@TwinsandTrifle

Have they said she can if she wants to, and they'd like it, or have they instructed DD that she is to call her mum. The former seems likely.

The two are very different.

it's all there in the opening post...
Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 29/08/2021 00:28

Yes his 3rd marriage so can’t see this one ending well, unless she is happy for him to have lots of affairs.

From what I can decipher from DD it was an instruction by ex and then reinforced by his partner. Will have to raise it with ex. He’ll probably ignore my concerns. Don’t think there is anything I can do about it legally though.

OP posts:
User1357 · 29/08/2021 00:34

I am a step mum and mum. I would never want my step child to call me mum. I am not her mum. I would absolutely not allow my child to call their step mum mum either. Wtaf?!

Stop this.

thebiggestloserinthenorth · 29/08/2021 00:35

No.

Original poster
MaisieMoo7 · 29/08/2021 00:39

Thanks @User1357 it’s good to see the perspective from a step mum too. Yes it’s definitely overstepping the boundaries but this is just another example of it. Although this is the most significant one so far.

OP posts: