MEDIATION TOMORROW

[blanki]

Does anyone have any positive experiences of family mediation? Have appointment tomorrow and cannot imagine a positive outcome. Any advice most welcome. Thank you.

didnt want to ignore u but had negative experience so no advice

Hmm, had mixed experience. The mediator was fantastic - I was a bit surprised at first as it was a sixty-odd year old man, but he turned out to be a retired trades union negotiator!

I think that with a man other than my ex, it could have resolved lots of our issues. But he refused to co-operate, just sat there and hardly spoke.

I had a good old chat with the mediator afterwards and did find it helpful, he gave me some good advice about conflict resolution, and about communication.

mm, do you think its just a waste of time? Even from a negative experience do you have any advice of what NOT to do or say? I am in Scotland, not sure if that makes any difference re law, courts etc. In my experience Scottish and English men are just as led by their mummy! Sorry to be bitter, but it hurts.

SM, cannot imagone him engaging in an adult, civilised conversation that he does not have automatic control of. Just feel so frustrated that at some point, some one has to realise how 'worked from the back' he is, and cannot construct a sentence for himself. Sorry, but so angry re my lil child.

tried mediation with ex but after 2 meetings discussing contact arrangements, he just got angry & said "can we just move onto the money side"

he also lied several times - contact issues which were decided at mediation he completely ignored or twisted so I decided that I wouldnt bother anymore as

1. children spent all morning with my parents while I was at mediation
2. had to go to next city which was nearly an hours trip
3. he just completely disregarded things I said
4. on the rare occasion we shared a sarcastic comment meant as a joke, the mediator got cross & told us we werent taking it seriously

MM, thank you so much for sharing. I'm really sorry things were so bad. I can so see this happening to me. Cannot imagine him ever listening to me without a smirk on his face. Hope all is better now.

Oh blanki, have you got a mummy's boy ex as well then? My deepest sympathies to you.

That was half the problem with ex - to the extent that his mother rang me to ask me to change the date I had arranged for mediation so that she could come too!

I said no.

my ex isnt a mummy's boy - far worse - hes the golden boy
he is first born grandchild; his dad is one of 2 boys so in his gran's eyes he is perfect
he was brought up not doing anything wrong whereas his sister was sidelined
consequently he thinks his view is always right & his family would never critise him (even though they've told me they dont agree with his actions)

Well ladies, just home and actually it went quite well! SM, like you said , the mediator was fab and used excellent techniques to make 'us' listen as well as talk. We actually got alot decided, but like most mummy's boys, he responded well to an older woman suggesting what he should think. We will meet again to iron out few remaining issues in a few weeks. But so much better than we could have done on our own. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me and I hope life gets easier for us all.

so glad for you
I had high hopes for mediation but just didnt work for us
I think it can be brilliant (and cheaper)

good luck & keep us posted

Great news - hope it all carries on well!

Pleased it went so well for you.
Mediation ended up working really well for us, so wishing you well.

Thanks ladies!