what to do about exp bringing baby to see new gf?

[pinguthepenguin]

Hi girls- I started a thread yesterday about my exp leaving when our baby was 7wks old. (see thread about 'wanting to feel indifferent) if you can be bothered to read it- I got carried away in explaining I'm afraid!

Anyway, I've started a new one because when he brought the baby back an hour ago- he freely admitted that she had been there. He saw no problem with it, and rubbished how I felt about it. It ended with a row, with him shouting about how I'd just 'ruined, what had been a nice day'

In brief- this woman knew me, and although nothing physical happened between them when were together, they were inappropiate in loads of other ways- so I still constitute this as cheating.
The baby is now 5 months old, and he finally admitted 2 weeks ago that they are seeing each other. I'm obviously still struggling to come to terms with it, and just can't help feeling it is so wrong to be taking the baby round there. I am her mother, and how I feel- at least in terms of an adjustment period, should be taken into account. I've been very accomodating with him regarding access- and I'm always considering his feelings, in spite of what he's done. It's just so painful to think that how I might feel about this is far form his mind.

Do any of you think I'm right in how I feel? or should I just let it go?

I'll reiterate. If you are, at this point in time, unhappy about he situation as it stands then you can change it to suit your needs. Your ex-partner left, he should face the consequences for that. He can see his child as and when you wish him to, and if that involves not having his slut involved then so be it. You can do this, and if you think it will make things easier for you you should do it. You can always change your mind later if you feel 'better' about it.

For what it's worth, my ex-partner can see our children whenever he wants on the understanding that he does not allow them to come into contact with his slut. He knows there will never be a sleepover, that there will never be any pally step-parenting and that if they choose to spawn that their children will not know mine. It's all good, just be strong

Agnes

It's cool Pingu . I can empathaise as I know how devastated dh was when he lost his family and had to put up with someone else playing Daddy to his dd. And to rub salt in the wound she refused to let him see his dd (a court order sorted that out).

It's taken time, but we have moved on from there. Although I wasn't part of the break up, when I came along dh's x, for whatever reason, had a huge problem with another woman being around her dd.

She used to send me letters or texts but I used to ignore her every time. I just didn't see the point in antagonising her or getting into arguments with her, it wasn't good from dsd's point of view and the one time I did try to say "hey, can we just talk about this" she stopped dh from seeing dsd. So I just took a back seat and did everything in my power not to annoy her, and if that meant being invisible then so be it. The way I looked at it was that I might be OK with the situation, but that didn't mean she had to be and if she wasn't I would just have to take things at her pace.

So the fact that she hasn't responded might be a good thing, and maybe she is just staying well clear and is being sensitive to the fact that you are finding this all difficult. Let's hope so. But I'm not sure there is much you can do if he chooses to go ahead with having his gf around. If you stop contact he could go to Court - and you really want to avoid that if you can.

Good luck.

Surfer

Thankyou for your perspective, it helps alot. I realise that you weren't the 'ow' - although in my case, my ex's new 'gf' was very much a contributory factor in our breakup.

I take on board what you say about maybe thats why the ow has blanked my recent text- it would be nice to think that she is being sensitive, but to be honest, I can't see it. He called yesterday to ask about seeing our dd. I asked if both he and the ow had recieved my texts. His response? 'I never got any texts from you' (what a farking lie) and I dont know if she did, but I'll ask her the next time I see her'.

Talk about treating me like an absolute idiot. These are people who are in contact with each other umpteenh times a day (and were when were together as well), and he really expects to believe that he doesn't know if she got my message?.......I feel like they are playing games with me. I really do.

I realise of course, that all of this sounds dreadfully petty....I just want it all to go away now.