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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Is any one a lone parent becasue their husband or partner has died?

24 replies

Serenablue · 25/11/2007 20:06

I love my husband very much. He died from a brain tumour at the end of August. My baby is due next week. So I will be a lone parent but not because of divorce or separation. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

OP posts:

artichokes · 25/11/2007 20:10

Hi Serena - I am not in your position but my mother was and I could not ignore your post. I know there are some people on MN who are in a similar situation to you. I hope they find this thread soon.

Good luck with the birth of your baby. My Mum and I had an extrordinarily close and special bond because there was only ever the two of us.

onlyjoking9329 · 25/11/2007 20:12

Hello Serena, so sorry to hear that your husband died, you must be such a mix of emotions.
i am not in the same situation as you but my wonderful husband has a brain tumour GBM4 that was finally DX in august. so i will be a single parent sometime soon.

Miaou · 25/11/2007 20:18

Serenablue, hello and welcome to MN.

Look out for posts by DelGirl - her dh died before she became a mum. I will also mention the redoubtable Yorkiegirl whose dh died suddenly almost eighteen months ago. There are others on MN too. Wishing you all the best.

onlyjoking9329 · 25/11/2007 20:25

good luck with the birth of your baby thou i am sure it will be bittersweet for you.
would you like to tell us about your husband?

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 25/11/2007 20:32

Serenablue I am not in your situation, but I couldn't let your post pass as it touched me so much.

Good luck with the birth of your baby. I hope you get a chance to speak to other mothers on here who can help you through this time.

DelGirl · 25/11/2007 20:39

oh my goodness, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband Serena and so recent . Though I was in a somewhat similar situation to you, i'm still lost for words. I just wanted to let you know that i've read your post and that you will find enormous support on here should you want it.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and best wishes for the birth. Do you have someone to be there with you when the time comes?

cookiesandscream · 25/11/2007 22:05

i have no words of wisdom but i am touched that Delgirl and OJ have posted for you.

sallystrawberry · 25/11/2007 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy2TandF · 26/11/2007 00:55

Serenablue - I also lost my husband at the end of August , he did not have a tumour or any illness, It looks like the coroner is going to give sudden adult death as the cause I have 2 children, a ds who has just turned 3 and a dd who has just turned 1 .... although our situations are slightly different I would always be happy to talk to you - I completely understand how alone you are feeling and if there is anything that I can do to help please CAT me ... where abouts do you live? Do you have family around?

robinpud · 26/11/2007 01:07

I'm not in a similar situation, but couldn't ignore your post. Your emotions must be all over the place; I have a friend who's situation is similar. She got fantastic support from the nursing staff when she delivered which gave her the time and space to grieve for her husband and bond with her son. She is a wonderful person and has a unique relationship with her son; I hope that when you deliver you get the best possible support too. Good luck- keep us posted, there will be lots of people waiting to hear of you lo's arrival.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/11/2007 13:08

how are you serena? please come back and let us know how you are doing

Original poster

Serenablue · 26/11/2007 23:21

Hello again

Wow, thank you, I've just checked in and so nice to get these messages. Especially to know that it's not just me - other people have survived these situations.

I live in Exeter. I don't have family around. My parents live 120 miles away. They would like me to live with them but they live in a village with lots of older people and I don't think it will be conducive to restarting my life. I was relatively new to the area when this happened so I have burgeoning friendships here, and good friends who live in London and around. It's very daunting but I'm just taking one step at a time. I need give birth, hope baby is ok and then sort out a routine and maybe some help with childcare. My husband's best friends live next door and they are supportive.

A good friend will be my birth partner. I know it will be a very emotional time and I feel pressure from my parents to take the baby up there in time for Christmas. But it all depends on when baby arrives really. I could do without the pressure - I find it upsetting - as I know it would have been very different with my husband around. BUt I do need some support from them and they don't really understand. I think they want to, but they just don't get it. Plus there's only one of me now so I don't feel I have as much sway and they want to control me a little.

He was a lovely big Yorkshireman. Very strong, kind and thoughtful, and a real homebody. He was so strong at the end, and I want to be as strong. I know he would want me to do the very best I can for our baby.

OP posts:

MuthaHubbard · 27/11/2007 00:11

Not in this situation but couldn't pass by without saying that your dh will be so very proud of you and bump.

You will do whatever you think is right for you and the baby. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you should do, you will just know.

KermitTheFrau · 27/11/2007 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy2TandF · 27/11/2007 01:29

Serenablue - Thats a shame, you live too far from me for me to be of any practical help really - am glad you have somebody to be with you at the birth, I know exactly what you mean about parents being a bit controlling, my husband was my strength where my parents were concerned but I have to admit that I have sort of "let" them control me since August ... I do try to be strong, but getting through everyday is tiring enough without having a power struggle with them, I don't think it hurts to let them take over for a while - Am thinking of you and I do know how you feel, it's my birhtday today (well yesterday now) and although it is nothing like giving birth it is a big milestone to get through without Craig which is always going to be hard ... I really have no idea how I get through the days and dates like today but you just do and you sound like a very strong woman and am sure you will get through things and make your dh very proud, take care and please CAT me if you want to talk

Aitch · 27/11/2007 01:47

oh serena and OJ and delgirl and Mummy2TandF...

peace and love to you all, and to Yorkie when she finds you.

massivebigpantsface · 27/11/2007 03:53

thinking of you all so much, can't let it go xxx

Buda · 27/11/2007 05:31

Serena - couldn't not post but unfortunately don't have any words of wisdom.

Just wanted to let you know that you are never alone with Mumsnet - there is always someone here to chat to.

Feel free to vent away on here.

Remember to post a birth announcement for us.

slim22 · 27/11/2007 05:39

pirratePiggy · 27/11/2007 07:41

serenablue, jsut wanted to say hello. I am not in your position, yet I just want tot let you know the lone parents are wicked on here.
Plus, I live in south devon, about 45 mins from your area, so maybe we can get to know each other?

I moved to devon in 2001, from London ( iwas brought up mainly in devon). DH left in 2005 when dd was 3.

I hope you are feeling ok? When are you due?

take care.

hazygirl · 27/11/2007 07:53

hi i know you will find plenty of support here,the girls have plenty of good advicex

GColdtimer · 27/11/2007 08:16

serenablue, I just wanted to post to say I am so very sorry for your loss. My best friend suddenly lost her husband last thursday (i have just posted about it). They didn't have children and she has said that she needs to grieve for the children they will never have together as well as for her husband. I don't know how that makes you feel but I wanted to share it with you.

good luck and I hope you get lots of support on here from others who are tragically in your situation.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/11/2007 08:20

I'm glad you checked in again Serena. Like others have said, there will always be someone here who you can go to for advice, support, and a rant.

Your parents sound much like mine. When I am going through an emotionally difficult time they try and protect me from everything, but to me it feels like controlling and smothering.

Have you looked up the NCT in your area? I moved to a new town not long before I had ds and I have met some great people at the weekly coffee mornings.

Your husband sounds lovely, no wonder you miss him.

Good luck for the birth, and I hope we see you as a regular poster. xx

mario23 · 30/11/2007 23:09

serenablue and others my husband also died - leukaemia - and i had my baby boy after his death. i am so happy now. my son fills my life with joy and my happiness is so much sweeter because it comes after such sadness. we are both so lucky, i'm not saying it's easy but it makes the pain of loss so much easier to handle 4 me anyway xx

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