I’m a single parent as of October with kids ranging from 5 to 13. My ex is not allowed contact with the kids. They miss him and I miss him. I have no family locally and we had to move, so I don’t even know my neighbours. I work from home, so I see people occasionally, but I’m struggling so much with my mental health that I avoid seeing people where possible. My kids are sweethearts, good at school and perfectly lovely human beings (usual challenges but not difficult kids—I’m sitting typing this whilst they all play nicely.) Yet I can’t cope. The smallest tiniest thing makes me lose it. I cry all the time, they don’t even comment now because they are just used to me crying all the time sad.
I spend my evenings googling suicide and then feel like the worst person in the World because without me, my kids have no one. But then I think, they are lovely kids, someone would find them a lovely family with parents who actually played with them and didn’t cry all the time sad. I’ve been to the doctor and they just tell me that, given the circumstances, I am coping really well. I don’t feel like I am though, I feel like I don’t want to be here sad. And I can’t even talk to anyone anymore because I’ve exhausted everyone’s goodwill and just a burden on them now, I literally bring nothing to their lives other than misery and moaning.
Sometimes I wake up and feel positive, then by mid afternoon I’m crying (like now). And once I start it’s like I can’t stop. Today my kids fell out, just a normal argument over a toy. But I can’t cope with anything.
Sorry for the ramble. How and when does it get easier? I don’t feel like it ever will, and I feel so sad because I used to love being a mummy and now I hate it and I hate myself now, too sad