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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Biggest pro and biggest con of lone parenting, go!

55 replies

radiateforme · 16/04/2021 15:17

I'll go first.

Pro: I can pretty much raise my son how I like.

Con: No money.

Your turn.

OP posts:
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Happycat1212 · 16/04/2021 15:38

Pro: not having to share special occasions like Xmas / birthdays

Cons: no break EVER

unicornsarereal72 · 16/04/2021 16:00

Pro. We live in a happy home with no walking on egg shells

Con. Having to share special days. But small price to pay.

FanPanCan · 16/04/2021 16:03

Pro: peace, happy kids, no having to consider another adult.
Con: er.... Can't think of any. I'm very lucky to have to easygoing, relatively stress-free, helpful teens.

UpTheLaganInABubble · 16/04/2021 16:26

Pro: Same as OPs

Con: No one to share the burden of stressful situations, medical issues etc. And not being able to nip to the shop once the kids are asleep!

megletthesecond · 18/04/2021 17:26

Pro, I can budget without anyone mucking it up.

Con, no sleep ever. Even less as they grow up.

TinyTroubleMaker · 19/04/2021 18:19

Pro: I go to sleep around 8 with my child every night, get plenty of rest

Con: last time I had sex was age 31 with their father, I'm 39 now

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 19/04/2021 18:26

Relaxed, happy atmosphere and can steer the ship in my own direction.

No one to help when things go wrong.

ivfbeenbusy · 19/04/2021 18:29

You've only talked about "cons" in respect of how not having the father on the scene affects you and not your children.....

Research shows that levels of crime as well as depression are higher amongst single parent children as well as poverty and school failure

That's certainly not a judgment on all single parent families and it's a sensitive subject but one that has been very well researched over the years.

occa · 19/04/2021 18:32

Pro: no parenting arguments

Con: nobody to talk decisions through with

Tinacollada · 19/04/2021 18:33

There've been no cons for me.

Apart from sharing a home he wasn't ever really "there" anyway

KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse · 19/04/2021 19:54

Pro: a happy, relaxed home we can enjoy without an overgrown man-child creating twice the work and stress.

Con: can't think of one!

Fruityfriday · 19/04/2021 19:59

Pro- happy house, remote to myself, my rules, relaxed helpful grateful children.
Cons - none, wouldn't have it any other way

INeedNewShoes · 19/04/2021 20:04

Pro - I know it's all down to me so I'm not constantly hoping my other half will do x, y, z and being disappointed. I know exactly where I am.

Con - I have to make every single decision on my own

Hughbert · 19/04/2021 20:12

Pros: life is great and dd and I are very happy

Cons: judgemental shit from people like Ivfbeenbusy.

SimonJT · 19/04/2021 20:19

Pro mine is similar, I get to make all of the parenting decisions, we’re a fab little team

Cons I don’t get to share the special moments with someone who loves him as much as I do

BeardyButton · 19/04/2021 20:23

@ivfbeenbusy

You've only talked about "cons" in respect of how not having the father on the scene affects you and not your children.....

Research shows that levels of crime as well as depression are higher amongst single parent children as well as poverty and school failure

That's certainly not a judgment on all single parent families and it's a sensitive subject but one that has been very well researched over the years.

“Research shows”.... does it now? Correlation does not a causation make.
Sstrongtn · 19/04/2021 20:25

Pro - more money (he was a waster), relaxed happy household, total parenting autonomy, freedom of choice for the future. Children LESS likely to be criminals etc because of a man parental influence or a stressed home life. Because those statistics don’t also state that it’s more prevalent for lone parents to be from a lower socio economic background with a pattern of abusive relationships and history of behavioural issues. It isn’t the lone parenting that actually links. Correlation is not causation @ivfbeenbusy

Cons - sporadic father influence isn’t ideal but they are well adjusted to this. No likelihood of a love life for me for many years as I prioritise the kids. Unable to just bugger off to the shops or share the workload, which actually reading threads on here may not be fixed by being married...

Sstrongtn · 19/04/2021 20:26

Haha x post @BeardyButton

Favourite stat saying that.

Correlation would say that hedgehog deaths exponentially increased around the time that TVs became popular. Therefore TVs kill hedgehogs FACT.

starpatch · 19/04/2021 20:30

Pro My son has a family that resolves around his needs.

Cons Having to make the decision s midnight medical emergencies etç

itsgettingwierd · 19/04/2021 20:32

Pro. Only have to worry about ds and I.

Con. Financial constraints. Only having one income and hard to get career progression when you are limited to when you work.

But my con is probably a lot more specific to my situation because ds is disabled. So currently finances are ok because I get CTC alongside wages and PIP. When he leaves education I lose the CTC but I'll still have to care for him.
Plus my job is well paid hourly rate and it's hard to find jobs nowadays that pay the same doing the same thing let alone starting again possibly in something new.

Brokenchair1 · 19/04/2021 20:34

Pro. Doing what I want when I want. Like going to bed at 8 pm with my 8 yr old and MN in bed and not having to talk to anyone else. Bliss.

Cons. Not being able to pop out when I want although I have a good network of babysitters so get free time when I need. Not many cons really. When I hear my friends moan about unsupportive husbands I feel lucky.

jelly79 · 19/04/2021 21:21

Pro: having all the kisses, cuddles, special occasions, and raising my DS as I want with no answering to anyone.

Cons: having to have contact with my ex when I think he is a lame Disney dad. But I play the game to ensure I have the above

HelenHywater · 19/04/2021 21:28

So many pros for me individually, but the main one for all of us is that we -me and the children - are a lovely unit. Plus a second pro is that there's also no arguments or tension that affects us all.

Con - we are financially poorer. Two incomes have to go around two households now.

TinyTroubleMaker · 19/04/2021 21:36

Hughbert Grin Grin Grin

HelenHywater · 20/04/2021 07:31

@ivfbeenbusy

You've only talked about "cons" in respect of how not having the father on the scene affects you and not your children.....

Research shows that levels of crime as well as depression are higher amongst single parent children as well as poverty and school failure

That's certainly not a judgment on all single parent families and it's a sensitive subject but one that has been very well researched over the years.

It's levels of poverty that are higher @ivfbeenbusy . That might lead to higher levels of depression etc. But of itself being a child of a single parent does not put the child in a worse place. It's just poverty.

And it's absolutely unfair and unjust that simply by being a child of a single parent you are twice as likely to be in poverty. That's due to many things - childcare costs, employment prospects, housing costs, a crap childmaintenance system. None of it is at all the fault of the single parent. Perhaps be less judgmental next time?

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