Biggest pro and biggest con of lone parenting, go!

[radiateforme]

I'll go first.

Pro: I can pretty much raise my son how I like.

Con: No money.

Your turn.

So only poor single parents produce criminals? Grand. We are safe so

Pros: No conflict, dramas etc with my lifechoices for my dc

Cons: assholes judging ME because my dc dad chose to leave me raise HIS dc alone. He doesnt seem to get judged atrangely.

Pros : can raise DC as I wish, no jealousy or needing attention from a partner which helps me attend fully to DC. No having to have sex ( I really don't want this much anymore !) DC and I can do the things together we want without catering for the needs of another. No relationship stresses.

Cons: financial security. Someone to share the stresses and worries with ref DC. ( Some partners don't do this anyway so really isn't a huge loss tbh. DC sometimes wishes parents were together.

Pro - can sleep safely
Cons - lonely, having to cook every. single. dinner. DC missing their dad.

ivf I’m starting to suspect the issue is actually men who are crap dads. Crap dads who don’t gaf about their kids in whatever way so either waltz off when things get tough or they fancy a change, or are just too crap to put up with. Some of them do manage to stay married obviously, hence the correlation between delinquency and single parents is not total.

I'm new to this as the name shows but so far:

Pro: the autonomy over your life that you have as a lone parent. The financial autonomy too, no partner wasting income.. freedom/independence. Not walking on egg shells.

Cons: having less money, worries about future finances, no one to vent to or share the emotional burdens with. Loneliness that creeps.

Single parents skint?? Ha! Since I split up with ex, I've been a million times better off! We're a calm, stable, happy household. Maybe we're the exception to your rule @ivfbeenbusy

@FanPanCan

Single parents skint?? Ha! Since I split up with ex, I've been a million times better off! We're a calm, stable, happy household. Maybe we're the exception to your rule *@ivfbeenbusy*

Agreed! I've never been better off since ex stopped throwing money down the drain

Pro: I've raised DD on my own and I get to see the best of everything, the worst bits fade away. I'm very, very proud of who she is.
Cons: I'd have liked another child but it's not an option for me.

Pro - my home, my rules, my way of raising my kids
con - none. Genuinely - none.

Pro: tranquil home that is as tidy when I return to it as it was when I left it. Happy confident child with whom I have a great bond due to us being a team.
Con: I would have said the unrelenting lack of freedom but as DD gets older it's becoming less of an issue. Can pop to the shop alone now and soon will be able to go to the gym.
So the only remaining con, out of the millions of possible ways in which my life could be harder but isn't, is that I have to take the bins out.

We live in a happy home and have a happy time without their father.
Con. He gets to play at being nice and the courts are not equipped to recognise his narcissism.

Pro: I get to make all the decisions.
Con: I get to make all the decisions.

Pros:

• I’ve grown in confidence and since my ex left I’ve got a promotion and earning well, so very comfortable.
• I like having the house the way I like it and decorating, changing things up all the time
• not having to sit through bad sci-fi programmes
• Absolutely no arguing/ tension in my house has made me feel so much more peaceful in my day to day, my anxiety has lifted and sometimes I have an overwhelming feeling of content.
• I have made a ton of new friends!

Cons:

• I worry that being single will see me edged out of certain friendship groups (although not happened yet).
• It’s much harder to arrange holidays and weekends away if you don’t want to go as the only adult. I used to love posh hotel get-always which are not really possible now.
• doing all the tidying in the house!

Pro. That people look down on you.
Con. That people who have partners that work away think that they are the same as single parents.

@coodawoodashooda

Pro. That people look down on you. Con. That people who have partners that work away think that they are the same as single parents.

I have a good answer to this now. My sister said this to me once and it's true that she does literally everything for house and kids whilst also working, but her H is a high earner and I simply said "Yes but I earn all the money as well". She really seemed to get that I was doing two full time jobs and has never said it again.

Pros: No having to negotiate or feeling resentful about amount of spare time

Cons: No time off.

I think we should ignore @ivfbeenbusy. I mean what kind of a sad loser goes on a thread purely to make single mothers feel shit? No one of any worth

Ohamireally

That was a great response!

Pros: many that have been mentioned by other posters here. Peaceful, calmer household, I completely control finances, childcare etc. Kids are calmer, thriving in school and happier. No walking on eggshells, no more living in fear. All of that is priceless really.

Cons: not so many really. More the mental load that falls to me. But then the mental load fell to me before I was a single parent too.

pros - what's mine is mine. My house is half the size of any of my friends' houses, and shabbier and not in a great estate either, but I 100% own it. Yay. I've definitely focused more on my career in the last 5 years than I would have if I were married. I know i have to get a pension and I know I need to earn.

I don't have to run any plans past somebody else for their consideration or approval. I might take a job nearer to me soon and that'll be my decision, I don't need to ask a 'dh' if he minds

I don't have to tolerate casual sexism from an H.

Cons - my nearly 15 year old son is bigger than me and in some ways acts like the man of the house. He won't do what I say. But my x's presence would make things worse not better so..............

A con for me when the DC were young would have been being excluded by other couples from their socialising but I couldn't give a ratsass now.

I'm better off now too and so are my DC

Before with my x, he used to spend 40k on a car but if I'd stayed with him, I wouldn't have been allowed to work, because I was the dogsbody, I would have been pleading with him for money for braces etc...

As it was, I was able to work, save, make choices. When it comes to money I ask myself, will this matter in five years? In three years? so, yes to the braces and no to the shopping trip to new york with my school friends. It is what it is.

I'm very happy with what i decided to spend money on. Bricks and mortar and braces! And the DC went to the right schools for them both state schools, my x might have insisted on private schools but I would have been begging for a bit more ''allowance'' and I would have been the poor mum in any circle of mum friends.

It would have been awful for all of us.

@ivfbeenbusy

You've only talked about "cons" in respect of how not having the father on the scene affects you and not your children.....

Research shows that levels of crime as well as depression are higher amongst single parent children as well as poverty and school failure

That's certainly not a judgment on all single parent families and it's a sensitive subject but one that has been very well researched over the years.

Oh but no married people have problems Nor children failing😂 Not all single parents choose to care about your stats when it saves more than sanity, security& safety Amen. Bet your a Christian

And the research has found that it is issues of poverty that most affect a child's outcome. Yes, single parents are more likely to live in poverty but you can make good choices where it's possible and work hard and have a plan and only spend on the things that will matter in the future. That's what I did. I decided to 'opt out' of anything done for show in the present and focus on what would still matter in the future. I did tighten my belt a lot but you know what, got through it no real hardships. You just stop buying clothes, you buy rimmel make up, you shop in charity shops and you just get on with it. My DC never went without anything that will disadvantage them in years to come

I certainly do not lot love in poverty. I’m a high earner in a 4 bed house in a lovely area. I know lots of single mums in similar scenarios. Yes single parents are more likely to live in poverty - for a whole host of shit societal reasons that could be solved - but, just like two parent families all situations are different.

i lived in poverty at times but there are worse things to endure than poverty or near poverty. I was v careful with money so I never had any crisis worse than knowing I can afford nothing that isn't essential.

I have a 5 year recovery plan that took 9 years! It was 9 years to the day after I left my mad man x that I realised I'd been made permanent in my job, I had a secure place to live, savings for a rainy day. I exhaled!

And sitting in a rented shabby flat, on rent allowance and lone parent allowance is still heaven compared to having to submit to the bullying antics of a mad narcissist!

You get good at valuing the free things in life. Yoga, a crossword and a cup of tea, second hand books, turning a cardboard box in to a 'house'.

I think we were ''poor'' at the right time. Now my kids are teenagers I'm glad I have an income and can say yes to what they ask for. I feel for anybody who goes through that transition when their dc are teenagers.

We were food bank poor when I was still married to exh. Ds is taking 10 GCSEs next year (or however they're going to do it). Dd is about to do grade 6 piano. A life of crime awaits.
Still can't think of a 'con'