Single parent life hacks!

[Niquos85]

Hi everyone!

I've actually been separated for a year and a half so feel like I should be on top of things! However, as I have 2 out of 3 kids with CAMHS input and a non cooperative DH, I feel like I am drowning! Please hit me with your best single parent tips for nailing day to day life! Thanks x

[OhioOhioOhio]

I also think that fun for a family with adults is different than fun with family where there is only one adult.

[Sodamncold]

@OhioOhioOhio

I also think that fun for a family with adults is different than fun with family where there is only one adult.

Totally agree

It much more simple that works I find.
And generally all the better for it!

Ps have the best roadside assistance you can afford
Get lots of keys cut for doors etc and leave with a trustee neighbour and also get a key box
Have decent cash at home for emergencies
Phone car charger

[Yolandapanda]

This is a brilliant thread all thanks for starting and contributing. I left my husband a year ago with my 3 teens but an only just feeling like I am getting into my groove. My 17 and 15 yr old wont have anythong to do sith their dad ao are with me full timr, 13 is with us 50/50
Fortunately they are old enough to not need a babysitter if I want to go out. Things that helped me were
Dishwasher, omg, gave me back at least an hr a day
Washing, like someone up thread, I do it all on a Sat, fold sort and give back on a Sunday
I work 9 to 3.30 so try to not add too much else to my day other than looking after the kids and evening meal in the week as I know I will be tired.
Cleaning, an hr on Sat and an hr on Sun, usually in the morning before anyone is up.
Always takeaway on Sat.
I have 2 good single parent friends who are my go to for things like borrowing a lawn mower or getting a lift if my car is in the garage etc, they also let me moan, rant ,cry without judging. Our joke is " if you havent sat in your car and cried in Tesco's carpark, are you even a single parent ?"
Things I still need to get on top off are budgeting and organising paperwork, any tips on these ?

[OhioOhioOhio]

Pp I love the 'if you haven't sat in your car in Tesco' s car park are you even a single parent? 'OMG I so did that. A lot.
As for budgeting tips I try and literally visualise the money going out of my purse and being in the till at Tescos or wherever. It makes me put a lot of tat back. I've also got loads and loads of bank accounts. I have my car insurance saved up and try and top it up regularly so over the next ten or so years it becomes my car replacement fund. I also try to just not go to the shops. And I'm trying to bulk freeze really delicious recipes so I am happy to eat them instead of take aways. Go through your bank account and really look at what you spend your money on.

[apumpkinaday]

This is great! I always make sure I’m stocked up on plasters, calpol etc as I have been caught short before with a poorly baby and no way to go the shops

[Niquos85]

I feel like I'm always sat crying in a car park 🤣 These are brilliant. Thanks everyone x

[ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes]

What a lovely and useful thread.

Does anyone know how I can find other single parents? There’s no gingerbread group near me though I’m in a big city.

Currently most of my friends are younger and/or not parents so they’re fun but live very different lives to mine

[Niquos85]

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes I was wondering this too! Most people where I live are living their picture perfect lives and are still married and I feel like I'm the only singleton around!

[ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes]

I do as well! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but it’s like that statistics don’t apply here or something, honestly don’t know any others

[ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes]

I never go on Instagram and my facebook feed is very curated!

It’s a very middle class area and I try to tell myself that the instamums are probably envious of my freedom but I doubt it somehow (though I can and do have occasional flings with young men )

[Smallsteps88]

Not really a tip as such but an observation gained from being 15 years down the lone parent path.

Don’t underestimate the impact of being a lone parent family on all of you. Yes we just have to get on with it and do the best we can and mostly we middle through, some people ace it, but most of us find it hard and it is literally because there is only one of us doing the work of two people, on half the income, half the resources, less than half the energy levels. eg; A two parent family can take it in turns getting up at night so each parent is getting a full night sleep every other night. But a single parent is answering every cry and call so you’re not even running on half the energy levels, you're doing the work of 2 people on about 20% of the energy levels of one person. Acknowledge that and give yourself a break and a pat on the back for simply keeping going. And yes it does impact DC too. Even if both parents are the very best of friends and co- parent brilliantly- it impacts children to have two homes and split finances etc. Statistics support this. Acknowledge what your DC are going through too. It’s hard on them. Just be kind to yourselves. Don’t compare yourself to other parents, they aren’t in your specific situation. Ask for help when you need it and take breaks when to you get them. And save some pennies for a family treat every now and then. When my DC were small and I was very very skint we started having a family movie night on a Saturday night as a treat because we literally had nothing to look forward to at all. A small bag of popcorn from Poundland and a DVD we already had in the house and I built it up into this big exciting event during the week. My DC are now teens/almost teens and life is a lot more comfortable and we still have movie night every weekend. No matter what else happens they still look forward to our cheap as chips family night. Even through lockdown when we’d spent all week together

[unicornsarereal72]

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes @Niquos85 Have you looked at Facebook groups. I have joined one for the city i live in. And although we haven't physically met. We bounce ideas off each other and people post regularly it really helped with the isolation during lock down.

[Smallsteps88]

Totally. Sleep= sanity. I massively underestimated the impact lack of sleep was having on me. Not until my Dc were older and sleeping through that I discovered just how much better life was after getting enough sleep.

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

I think you have to factor in some self care, allow yourself some time to do what you want to do and don't feel guilty about it!!

I've been a single parent to my 14 yo dd since birth with no input from her father. The times things have got a bit wobbly tend to be when I've not looked after myself iykwim.

Just allow yourself the odd treat, book a massage or get your nails done. You deserve it.

[tunnocksreturns2019]

[quote KarmaNoMore]@Smallsteps88, that is so true. I have come to found over the years that a good night of sleep is the key not to lose my temper or my marbles during the day. When you are exhausted, everything is insurmountable and your patience and tolerance levels highly reduced.[/quote]
YES!! Nearly four years’ widowed and I still don’t prioritise sleep. I self sabotage all the time as I’m so desperate to get some alone time in the evening.

Brilliant tips, nothing to add, for all, I’m going to bed

[Meh2020]

I’m loving this thread and amazing suggestion of beans on toast on a sunday!! And then going to bed at the same time as child but getting up earlier!

For those wondering about meeting other single parents - have a look at the Frolo app... it’s brilliant

[mineofuselessinformation]

Plan a three week menu (the same day every week can have some variation, so for example a pasta dish on a Monday) - invaluable because you know what to buy and it's not too repetitive.
After kids are in bed, have at least half an hour when you sit down and just have a break.

[mineofuselessinformation]

Oh, I forgot!
Movie nights - I used to pull the sofa close to the tv, shove a dvd on and we would have popcorn and cuddle under blankets. Really lovely to do! (And a great way to settle kids ready for bed.)

[Niquos85]

@Meh2020 I was going to ask if anyone has tried frolo! Only found out about it the other day!

[HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime]

As the children get older and start activities and you have to taxi them around as you are the only adult I recommend getting a car bag. I keep a blanket in mine, some healthy snacks, make myself a tea and make sure I've downloaded enough shows on Netflix to last the weeks activities, a new book when there is a good amount of daylight. Then I sit in the passenger seat with my feet up and have an hour or so to myself. It might not be my dream location for an evening but I get some me time with no other distractions or chores to do.