Single parent life hacks!

[Niquos85]

Hi everyone!

I've actually been separated for a year and a half so feel like I should be on top of things! However, as I have 2 out of 3 kids with CAMHS input and a non cooperative DH, I feel like I am drowning! Please hit me with your best single parent tips for nailing day to day life! Thanks x

[RebeccaYellan]

Love the tips on here.

To add, and it’s a bit of a cliche, but learning to say no has helped. One of my dc has ASD so often just getting him to school is an achievement. I don’t feel guilty anymore about not volunteering for school fund raising, helping in class or even forgetting the £1 required on mufti day. I’m also careful what I commit to, I’ve helped friends out in the past when I was overstretched at the time myself (clearly madness, and of course ended in tears). I’m a bit more of a loner now and self sufficient which feels better.

Yes to self care, I take vitamins every day, try and batch cook and say yes to offers of help and kindness when they come up. I always have a stack of reading on the go and a decent newspaper subscription so I can keep information with what’s going on in the world.

[cantbeatfreshsheets]

Wow this is a really handy thread :) I'm
18 months in with a 2 and 5 year old. Man it's so though still for me and I feel vulnerable and fragile and super up and down still.

I think for me it's been connecting with other single parents I've met randomly. I don't have any family nearby so it's been super texting during lockdown with smalls and going through divorce, looking at properties and whether to relocate. So overwhelming making these decisions.

I definitely need to concentrate more on sleep and exercise which I don't get much if both.

I've reduced drinking in the week which helps and try to go to bed with the kids a couple of times a week. I also invested in some weights and resistance bands and there are a lot of free exercise classes and months etc on insta.

I think my next move is to try some more counselling to try and alleviate the weight I feel I have in my shoulders but I look how far I've come in the time and feel really proud of myself.

I'm not around the corner yet but I'm getting there and still have up and done days but I think I need to cut myself some slack.

I will certainly be getting a stash of gold coins in for the tooth fairy.

Thanks for sharing tips. 😊😊

[Niquos85]

@cantbeatfreshsheets You sound similar to me and my position! Keep going! I know how hard it is with little support aswell! X

[cantbeatfreshsheets]

[quote Niquos85]@cantbeatfreshsheets You sound similar to me and my position! Keep going! I know how hard it is with little support aswell! X[/quote]
Thank you!! It means a lot. I'm treading water is how it feels but somehow the kids give us a strong sense of purpose! Keep going too :) we have got this!

[Angie1409]

First of all, with everything you have going on, it is completely normal that you feel like you are drowning. Being a single parent to 3 kids with no help is an incredible achievement - you should be proud! And you are asking for help and that is great too - much better than suffering in silence and not accepting help. I read a lot of blogs by single mums when I first got divorced, some more up my street than others, but what they all had were tips for single parents on how to manage mentally and practically, how to arrange your finances, how to keep your stress levels down and so forth. This is one I remember singleparentsonholiday.co.uk/a-guide-for-newly-single-parents-after-separation-or-divorce/ but there really are loads out there by single mum (and single dad) bloggers. MorethanToast, Mum in a Nutshell, Mother Ahoy, Ellamentalmama are just some that spring to mind. And don't forget if that feeling of drowning doesn't go away and you feel you cannot manage, seek professional help. All the best to you xx

[Niquos85]

@Angie1409 Thank you! That's a big help! X

[Yolandapanda]

So, how has everyone's Christmas and New Year been ? I really enjoyed this thread before so am going to re
read it tonight to start off 2021 with a positive spring in my step !! I don't think I cried in Tescos car park all holiday, yay !!!

[WingingItAtLife]

Oh I love this! Just became a single parent (not sure if dad will be involved or not, he keeps changing his mind 🙄)

I started a similar threads asking for top tips the other day but this one is fab x X x

[Niquos85]

Happy new year! I'm happy it helped @Yolandapanda. I've been learning to prioritise the urgent things and accept that not everything needs to be done now. I'm one of those people who makes a massive list of things that need to be done and then feel rubbish when I don't do them, so now at weekends I will write a list of a few things and highlight the urgent ones and if I don't do the rest that's fine because I can do them another day. I've also been prioritising keeping the house clean and tidy. I know to a lot of people that doesn't matter and that's fine, but it's just one of those things that makes me feel worse and adds a feeling of more chaos to my life.
@WingingItAtLife Sorry to hear that you've separated recently. You will be fine and you will come out the other side. Some days I still feel rubbish (almost 2yrs post separation), but then I think back to how I was and can see the progress 💪🏼 My ex had the kids for the first week of the holidays so had them for Christmas and I was dreading it, but ended up spending most of the day with them, no arguments or tension with my ex, we all got on and had a lovely day and for the first time I felt hopeful that everything will work out fine. It hasn't always been like this, there has been A LOT of tension even just a couple of months ago! So it was a Christmas miracle 🤣

[WingingItAtLife]

Thank you, some of the tips here are great. I haven't got my own place yet, me and the kids are t my parents because my ex refuses to move our of our home. It's going to be a long legal battle I think. But we'll get there eventually.
Glad you had a lovely Christmas day x x

[Welikebeingcosy]

Something good for organisation is that I write a timetable for the week with one housework job on per day and one admin job per day. This way I don't get overwhelmed and it means I can only allow myself to spend thirty mins a day on chores. Also it means that the way it is spread out I can miss some things some weeks and do it the next week, rather than cramming it into the next day.

I.e. monday, clean bathroom. Tuesday fridge and cooker surfaces. Wednesday vacuum house. Thursday laundry. Friday put laundry away. Saturday clean down windows and surfaces. sunday change sheets.

Then for admin it will be mon- check if any bills need paying. Tues- make any phone calls/appointments reply to any emails that need replying to Wed- order food shopping/go food shopping Thurs- look around the house and order household stuff like cleaning products/nappies/hygiene stuff/medicines/ vitamins kids clothes my clothes, anything that has come up that we need etc etc.

I check each morning what needs doing and if any of those jobs don't need anything doing to them t hat week I can relax or I can choose to give myself a week off from laundry or cleaning the fridge etc.

It really helps with taking the mental load off.

The only thing that throws me atm is when I can only get a food delivery slot at 9pm and am exhausted and wake up the next morning with a toddler and bags of food shopping everywhere in risk of needing refrigerating immediately!

I'm going to try and use the weekend cooking in bulk tip now and have just ordered a slow cooker on many people's recommendation.

I also find having seperate laundry bags helps to avoid separating laundry pre or post wash and also a basket I can just throw clean stuff neatly into if I dont feel like putting clothes away.

[LicketySplat]

What a brilliant thread. I'm going to be officially separated from DH very soon and moving into my own place. I've saved this thread and can't wait to put some of the ideas into practice. I am going to try and follow TOMM (The Organised Mum Method) too. Thank you.

[Niquos85]

@LicketySplat Hope the move goes well for you and the children. X