what is your definition of a disneyland dad?

[Lucy1981k]

I recently had a conversation where my friend described her EX as a Disneyland dad .

Im not sure I entirely agree, although I would not voice this as its not really any of my business.

when would you describe somebody as a disneyland dad?

One who is only there for the good times

My kids dad. Does nothing between his eow contact. I do all the school stuff home work. Dentist sick days etc.

He picks them up takes them out fills them with sweets and brings them back.

When he has them over night. There is no personal care done. No hair brushing etc and I get the dirty washing if it does come back.

I'm sure there is more but you get the idea.

Also no child support for over 2 years.

@unicornsarereal72

My kids dad. Does nothing between his eow contact. I do all the school stuff home work. Dentist sick days etc.

He picks them up takes them out fills them with sweets and brings them back.

When he has them over night. There is no personal care done. No hair brushing etc and I get the dirty washing if it does come back.

I'm sure there is more but you get the idea.

Also no child support for over 2 years.

This. ^^

Mine is a thorn in my side. Not supportive at all. He pays the bare minimum and not 50% of extras, trips, uniform etc on top of CSA as directed from judge..

Mine bangs on and on about how much he loves them and would walk on hot coals for them. I've even had fake tears about "wanting to be the best dad and how much he missed them" -so I said - ok you can have them this weekend. Except he didn't turn up for them. Wanker.
My youngest comes back with blisters, hungry and dehydrated as "daddy took us out all day" but just didn't obviously feed them or water them as they can survive on thin air.

He also tells everyone how much he pays for his kids and how "broke he is"-he is on £50K a year and gives me £150 a month as he takes his pay and then pays in his pension pot and reduces his income.

Mine spent over £600 in 3 days on day trips the last time the kids visited him. Meals out, expensive train fares (no clue about advance fares or railcards etc), activities, souvenirs, silly £££ on seaside arcade machines. All over Facebook, naturally. Then moans about how expensive it is to see them - so doesn't for another 8 to 12 months.

He was barely in touch during lockdown. Has never, ever done anything but the most minimal parenting (didn't change a nappy until 6m plus), no medical appointments, never queued to buy school shoes/uniform/been to school events.

Thinks he's superdad.

@Lucy1981k

I recently had a conversation where my friend described her EX as a Disneyland dad .

Im not sure I entirely agree, although I would not voice this as its not really any of my business.

when would you describe somebody as a disneyland dad?

When the parents no longer get on I think this is an easy accusation to throw at the non resident Father. You're probably right to take with a pinch of salt

I do agree the term is thrown around, my partner Has been called this and I completely disagree and get angry, as it's only when he won't agree to changing amount of money :/ or refuses to be a doormat to the ex

They dont help with medical appointments or school admin. They pay the absolute bare minimum they can legally get away with paying. The majority of their annual leave is spent on something other than the child. They dont have savings accounts for the child and the other parent will be lect paying for school trips/ driving lessons/ uni despite earning less due to being 100% responsible.
Any issues such as child struggling at school will not be their problem.
If the child needs something for school/ a hobby/ exam they will categorically refuse to help but will pay for very expensive gifts or days out sporadically so they look like a hero to the child until the child gets older and feels hurt by the lack of interest in their day to day life.
In an emergency such as resident parent being in hospital they will say it's not their problem and the other parent will have to contact friends/ family to pick up the slack.
Very sad.

This.

My ex literally picks up for contact, fills with junk food and / or spends lots of money on DC then brings back exhausted usually minus something essential like coat / home work / uniform.

If I ask for some flexibility or involvement in a big decision, he either says absolutely not as its ''my right to this time'' (not any request for flexibility is accompanied with a commitment to make up lost time & some) or that its not his responsibility. Has no involvement in Medical / school / dental / clothes / shoes / home work etc doesn't go to parents evening, or anything else not on his scheduled time.

They don’t want to do anything that isn’t fun. Like discipline or boundaries or such like. Even though these are things that make kids feel safe and like they know where they stand.

They think contact must be about 100% entertainment the entire time, and fear the kids will think their other house is more fun. They may buy loads of games consoles and such like and won’t limit screen time - even if it’s having a negative effect on behaviour (because of the first non-disciplining bit of it).

Neither of the above are necessarily malicious. It can be a mixture of divorced dad guilt and fear that the kids won’t want to come for contact.

However, it isn’t actually good for the kids while they’re with their dad. And it certainly means all the unpleasant and boring aspects of parenting her left to the resident parent.