Is it possible to remain on friendly terms with your ex, and move on with your life?

[Pinkchampagne]

Things have been pretty amicable between ex H & myself since our separation, which is good for the boys, so I would like things to stay as friendly as possible.

The thing is, I can't see this continuing if I move on with my life & meet someone else.
I think ex H would go mad, and the fact he is so close to my family doesn't help matters.

Do you think it is possible to remain on friendly terms, and get on with your life, or do things normally turn nasty?

I worry about the boys, and don't want to cause any further upset.

[Pinkchampagne]

So you have had a nice long break, and can imagine you are not looking forward to his return at all.
Is he still being an arse?

[zookeeper]

I really, really hope so - I split up in May and exdp moved out at the beginning of July - He has seen the dcs maybe three times at my instigation even though I know he loves them. I know he is trying to punish me for dumping him by not seeing the dcs. I am worn out and so frustrated becaue he will not speak to me other than to call me "vermin"

How I hate him at the moment . I never thought he would be so nasty.

this weekend I went to his house to try to reaso with him - he simply walked away leaving the dcs crying running after him. I went upstatirs to see some woman's heated rollers !? and a packet of condoms beside the bed. Oh and an open suitcase and two return ticket stubs to Spain.

I am so fucked off I feel like driving to the middle of a field and screamming very loudly and for a very long time

[zookeeper]

How do I get rid of this pain and rage???

[zookeeper]

sorry to hijack thread - perhaps I should have started a new one. sorry

[Pinkchampagne]

Oh zookeeper, how awful for you. What a git! I am not suprised you feel so bad.

[lou33]

god zookeeper, my ex was so angry withme for ending our marriage, it was only whe he buggered off to thailand i felt i could breathe, but he has fundamentally damaged his relationship with the kids i think, because they feel he abandoned them, esp after he v quickly managed to knock up a girl 20+ years younger than him and presented our kids with a pic of him proudly holding he new baby

i hope 14/15m down the line he will be feeling less inclined to harrass me when he lands back in the uk, and we can work on building a civil realtionship at last

[lou33]

pc right now i rarely hear from him, but he is trying hte nice tactic when i do

i dont trust him an inch

[Pinkchampagne]

My ex has gone back to the nice tactic, after being a git on Sunday.

Have you seen my thread in the chat section about guy I'm dating, lou?
I think he is going to try his luck a bit tonight!

[zookeeper]

But I am so frustrated - I know I dumped him and for very good reasons but I thought he would see the dcs - he is just filled with this blistering rage against me and i can't ver see it sunbsiding. He just will not talk to me - his phones are switvhed off . i suppose the sensible thing I should do would be to leave him be until he calms down but I am so angry on behalf of the dcs. I hate him so much. He has not given me a penny since he lft and then he takes off to Spain with God knows who. Bastard. I am resisiting the temptation to drive to his house (a forty minute drive and confront him again. I would but can't put kids through it again. I hate him so much I feel ill. What should I do? i just want him to see his dcs

[Wisteria]

We have managed it but occasionally things are a bit strange and he still ignores new dp even four years on.

Friendly enough to me, although will only talk about the dcs and mutual friends.

[Pinkchampagne]

I can't believe he is snubbing his own children, zookeeper. How awful!

He sounds a total git, and I'm not sure what to advise, as I have never been faced with all that you are.

Have you got a solicitor?

[lou33]

zookeeper, i understand that, my ex hasnt seen the kids at all since aug 06, and has not paid a pennt either

but believe me, the silent treatment is 1000 times more preferable to the abuse and harrassment i got before he went abroad

dont go to the house, the more you try and engage in conversation the more he will snub you

[zookeeper]

Yes I suppose tha's true Lou - when he first left he would text me saying that he was coming back, just packing his bags now etc which used to fill me with dread. I must find a way of getting rid of all this rage or I will get ill.

PC, I am a solcitor but won't be one for much longer if I go around and break his windows which is what I would love to do at the moment. Just finding it very hard to follow my own advice which would be to leave him well alone.

If I don't die of stress/rage/bitterness I suppose I will be a better solicitor at the end of the day

[lou33]

he's just trying to lash out at you in any way he can

the more you react hte more he is gaining the upper hand

[Pinkchampagne]

Now you say it, I remember you offering me some advice on one of my old theads, ZK.

He sounds horrible, were you with him long?

[lou33]

pc can you link me to your thread please?

[Pinkchampagne]

I will bump it now, lou. I'm pants at links!

[Pinkchampagne]

Bumped it!

[lou33]

posted

[zookeeper]

been out with dcs to beach - feel better now.
I was with him for fourteen years. I fweel such a failure.

[WideWebWitch]

Yes, it is. Ex dh wasn't happy when we split up but we are now great friends and I've been with dh#2 for 7 yrs now and we have a dd.

[lou33]

if it's any consolation i was with mine for 17.5 yrs

i dont see it as feeling a failure, but as trying for as long as i could to make it work

you gave it a good shot

[zookeeper]

thanks lou you are kind. I need to be more positive.

[lou33]

it's all still v new for you, it will get better i promise

[kimi]

Pinkchampagne, sorry this is a copy and paste but bit rushed for time.

It is possible to stay on good terms yes.




By kimi on Mon 12-Feb-07 19:58:55
It would seem i have confussed some people with the fact i talk about DH1 and DP.
I have explained it all a few times and find people amazed that DH1 and i are not trying to kill each other and fighting over everything from the sofas to the cats.

So a little re cap.....
DH1 and i were together 21 years married 14 and have two lovely children.
Sadly (maybe because we met so young) we started to grow apart and despite my begging him to go to relate and spending 18 months trying to sort us out we ended up splitting up. I think we were both to blame as there were issues on both sides and a lot of stress.

The boys and i moved out and it was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life so far.
I have a lovely new partner who is great with my boys. New partner and DH1 get on well.
We live 10 mins walk apart the boys see DH1 every day except Tuesday (when he takes my mom shopping, and has dinner with her).
They have 2 bedrooms spend time between both houses. DH1 at the weekends and here on school nights although we change it if we need to. I dont drive as yet so DH1 takes me to do the weekly shop every week.
DH1 comes to dinner most sundays and we all spent Xmas together. Just because DH1 and i are not a couple any more we are and always will be a family. Our children have taken the new situation very well and are happy and doing well in school.
I hope im not too odd, I will always call DH1 DH1 because i feel to call him exh devalues him and our time together.
Are we really that uncommon??
So how do you get on with your Ex?

Oh and by the way, i took very little when i moved out as i did not want to rip the family home apart, sort of doubled up with DS1 having the same type of bed at both homes, and DH1 has the cats