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Original poster

Single mums and Father's Day

53 replies

SprackPack · 30/05/2020 22:36

@MNHQ Please can this be moved to Lone Parents, there seems to be an issue with the app, all new posts I create automatically go to chat

Just wondering if you are a single mum and on 'good terms' with ex (although still very hurt and slightly bitter Sad), what do you get ex for Father's Day from your DC? DC are too young to decide themselves

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 30/05/2020 23:42

Just something token surely like a mug and a card?

VimFuego101 · 30/05/2020 23:43

Something home made and covered in glitter 😊

Original poster
SprackPack · 31/05/2020 08:20

Louise that's what I'm thinking but didn't know I if I was being mean!

Vim I like your thinking Grin

OP posts:
Charles11 · 31/05/2020 08:42

What happened in Mother’s Day? I would use that as a guide.

BunnyandBee · 31/05/2020 08:52

@SprackPack watching as in the same boat. I got homemade cards and some chocolate from my DC (5 and 3) for mother's Day (which is what I would've got when we were still together, although this time I didn't need to remind him it was mother's Day Hmm )

We will probably do the same for father's Day. It's weird having to think about these things when things are still a bit raw isn't it?

Original poster
SprackPack · 31/05/2020 09:20

Exactly Bunny, it is very raw, I want to do the very minimum but then think that it's not about me and my feelings.

Charles We were still together on Mother's Day so I got treated really well with regards to gifts and a lovely roast dinner eaten as a family Sad

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 31/05/2020 09:31

If the DC are too young to decide for themselves then no need to do anything, it would obviously be a gift from you and that's not what it's about. The child can decide when they are old enough what they would like to make or buy as a gift.
You say you are on 'good' terms with your ex so just say something like money is tight ( regardless of whether it is or isnt, none of his business anyway ) and the child is unaware of what day it is , when they are aware it will be their choice what to do.
All the pressure surrounding these gimmicky days like valentines, fathers day, etc etc really annoy me. Just a money maker for card and gift companies.

( and please dont rant at me for expressing my opinion about 'special days' Grin )

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 31/05/2020 09:35

Just a token gift maybe a box of chocolates and card, possibly handmade if children are young. As you said it's not about you but being a good role model for your DC and they often like giving gifts, doesn't have to be expensive, just something for them to hand over.

PumpkinP · 31/05/2020 16:35

My ex told me not to get him anything for Father’s Day from the kids as I use to do it a few years ago but he told me not to so I stopped.

Annaminna · 31/05/2020 21:24

BM keeps telling everyone that they are "good friends" and "respectful co-parents".
For 4 years she got evey mithersday a day out (activity centre/ family fun park/ manorhouse, etc) from the father of DC, as well as a mother day card and delivered flowers and box of chocolate every mother's day. She got a present for Christmas and card and basket with treats. She, at the same time, gave him for Christmas a bottle of Gin (unwrapped) with words: " its from DC". But no card no present never.
Never a fathers day card or present from her(DC). BM's sister gave to DC's dad a baby-body with words on: "first fathers day". That is the only present he ever got. BM never gave any (but they are SO FRIENDLY in words).
So its not always equal.

Original poster
SprackPack · 02/06/2020 17:24

Sorry, when I say they're too young, one definitely is, the other is older but doesn't understand value.

I respect your view about 'Clinton's Days' though, I have always been the same regarding Valentine's day! But father's day I believe is more about fun for the kids, as HP says

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 02/06/2020 19:06

When ex first left I did Father's Day. Birthday and Christmas. A token gift of a card and chocolate. The kids were able to pick both with guidance. They wanted to mark the occasion. I did this for 2 years and it wasn't reciprocated. And I had 18 months of no child support. So last Christmas I sent a message saying gf needs to support dc with gift purchases as my money was tight.

Keep it small and simple. And if he does the same it is positive for the children.

AlovelybitofsquirrelJackie · 02/06/2020 19:17

For Father's Day, Christmas and birthday I get my children to make a card and I buy a well thought out present with their input. Usually spend about £15. He does nothing in return except one Mother's Day when he bought flowers but they were bashed about from the 'whoops' aisle. My youngest said he picked a different bunch but daddy steered him to these ones. Even aged 6 he knew they were shit. I won't stoop to ex's level. I left him and have no interest in impressing him etc but I won't to teach my children good manners and how to behave properly.

june2007 · 02/06/2020 19:56

A card will probably be enough, as long as you would be happy with just a card. if you would want more for mothers day then do more in otherwords treat others how you would like to be reated. (with my oh and we only really do cards.)

doesthissoundok · 02/06/2020 20:00

Annaminna if ex was going out with someone disrespectful enough to refer to me as 'BM', I'd get them fuck all as well

Frankola · 02/06/2020 22:01

My husband was once gifted some aftershave for his birthday that his ex wife used to buy him all the time Hmm. My SD was 5 so it was clear who had bought it.

My husband told me as soon as he opened it. He binned it and when his next birthday was close he told ex not to "bother buying anything" and that I would sort in future Wink

It was very obvious at the time exactly why she had sent him that gift.
Typical ex wife game playing in my experience...

Frankola · 02/06/2020 22:06

And before anyone says anything, please look back at the posts saying to get dads a "token mug" or homemade stuff "covered in glitter".

Its game playing. Its nasty, bitter and resentful.
Why waste your own money making yourself look bad and giving someone a shit gift on purpose?

Surely it would just be better to get nothing than act so petty.

Original poster
SprackPack · 04/06/2020 10:27

Frankola I agree with you there. I'd rather act with dignity as I have done throughout this whole heartbreaking situation. Thank you for providing an opinion from 'the other side' so to speak.

OP posts:
Frankola · 04/06/2020 12:32

@SprackPack well done. I agree that is the best way.
It doesnt achieve anything. If anything it wastes money that could be spent on the kids or shows the kids that there is a level of nastiness between parents that surely people dont want their kids to be a part of?

It might make you feel better for a second but in all honesty in our situation when we have received things like this DH has made a fuss of liking the gift in front of SD and then immediately binned it once she left if he can get away with doing so.

I hate to point this out but we do also have a good laugh at the silliness of mums behaviour before we bin it, so unless you like the idea of being laughed at anyway,its a no brainer.

If people want to get back at their ex do something dramatic and half decent like posting poo through their letterbox!Grin

Original poster
SprackPack · 04/06/2020 18:20

@Frankola GrinGrinGrin I may still reach the poo in the post stage!

I'm glad I asked on here, i think I'll gently guide the DCs towards acceptable presents online!

OP posts:
Blahblahidontcare · 04/06/2020 18:44

Nothing! Good terms but ten years we've been separated and never have.

Reader1984 · 04/06/2020 18:47

Something homemade definitely. Cookies?

Juststopamoment · 07/06/2020 09:45

I did the same thing as Reader1984. They made brownies one father’s day and cookies on another. Or just get them to make homemade cards. I think that’s enough. No need for an actual gift. I’d rather do that then spend any actual money on them 😏

cosmicbabe · 07/06/2020 21:40

For the past 6 years I have got my Ex a card and present from our son. This has been reciprocated each year...
This year however my son told me that daddy's GF has got daddy his Father's Day gift.. so now I don't know whether just to leave it and not bother or say that's nice and just carry on as normal. I always buy thoughtful gifts but now I'm thinking perhaps he's binned them like OP said...

Tricky...

Sonotech · 07/06/2020 21:58

Depends how old they are.

The kids get enjoyment out of handing gifts over.

On my last mother’s day whilst I was still with ex I knew he hadn’t got me anything and I knew my dd2 (7) would feel disappointed at not presenting me with something. So I took her to Tesco and let her pick out some Pajamas and slippers whilst pretending not to look. I had a lovely ‘surprise’ in the morning of dd2 and dd3. They loved it and I made a big show of putting them on whilst my lazy twat ex was skulking about down stairs.

I’m in two minds what to get him for fathers day too. I think I’ll let the kids pick something out themselves.

However I know he has already bought me a birthday present. A pair of my favourite shoes, the kids have told me. Which I’m a bit Hmm at.