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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Single mums and Father's Day

53 replies

SprackPack · 30/05/2020 22:36

@MNHQ Please can this be moved to Lone Parents, there seems to be an issue with the app, all new posts I create automatically go to chat

Just wondering if you are a single mum and on 'good terms' with ex (although still very hurt and slightly bitter Sad), what do you get ex for Father's Day from your DC? DC are too young to decide themselves

OP posts:
Sonotech · 07/06/2020 22:00

@cosmicbabe

For the past 6 years I have got my Ex a card and present from our son. This has been reciprocated each year... This year however my son told me that daddy's GF has got daddy his Father's Day gift.. so now I don't know whether just to leave it and not bother or say that's nice and just carry on as normal. I always buy thoughtful gifts but now I'm thinking perhaps he's binned them like OP said...

Tricky...

I’d let your kids pick one out for him. Girlfriends come and go!
AustinRd · 07/06/2020 22:05

The first Xmas I got ex a card and a smallish gift that was focussed around the kids. Father’s Day and birthday have also been marked with a card and token gesture (mug, comedy socks, chocolates) They have never been reciprocated. My DC this year said don’t bother, it’s not like ex will get you anything from us. I’ve said it’s their choice but at Xmas and birthdays I want them to understand art/fun of giving and receiving so I will continue as is regardless if ex approach.

cosmicbabe · 07/06/2020 22:20

So basically then my ex will get 2 gifts from his son. One that I buy and one his own GF buys. Both from our son. I just think that's strange...

Sonotech · 07/06/2020 22:35

@cosmicbabe

So basically then my ex will get 2 gifts from his son. One that I buy and one his own GF buys. Both from our son. I just think that's strange...
Just leave them to it then. If your sons never had any input in his past fathers day gifts it won’t bother them then
willowwispa · 07/06/2020 22:40

Exactly the same as I got for Mother's Day - nothing.

RightOnTheEdge · 07/06/2020 22:54

My ex was always useless at birthdays, Christmas and Mother's day, just never bothered.
My dc used to get really upset that they didn't have anything to give me. I used to say ask Daddy to take you to the shop and choose something but he never did, they are 9 and 7 and it used to make them so sad.
Of course I always told them that my favourite thing was the homemade cards they made me and that just being with them made my day perfect.

So I always get him something they can give him just some chocolate or Avon aftershave or something.
I do it for them not for him.

Original poster
SprackPack · 08/06/2020 09:34

That's exactly why I'm doing it, for the DC. Cosmic that is tricky. You could pretend you were unaware that the new GF has bought something and just carry on as normal?

I feel for all the people who's partners have never bought them anything, even while still together, just shows no appreciation - no wonder they're exes!

We've gone for standard mug and chocolates, chosen by the eldest DC.

OP posts:
Sweetlikecoca · 08/06/2020 18:50

M&S have some nice small little gifts for Father’s Day like chocolates and things. I had a quick glance today.

I usually make an effort I’m absolutely not this year due to our communication being rather poor infact the worst it’s been since we split. I don’t usually get anything.

cosmicbabe · 09/06/2020 08:29

I just think it's my place to buy it and not the GF... They have been together on and off about 5 years. It just doesn't feel right... I'm tempted to ask her why this year

unicornsarereal72 · 13/06/2020 16:29

I was happy to hand over the responsibility to the girlfriend. I have had no child support for two years. And the money is better spent on things the children need like winter coats and shoes.

Original poster
SprackPack · 13/06/2020 21:03

I don't blame you in your case unicorns !

OP posts:
wendz86 · 14/06/2020 19:12

Beer and chocolate . He usually gets me Prosecco and chocolate on Mother’s Day so pretty even .

0hforfoxsake · 14/06/2020 19:27

I think it’s really good for children to see this kindness. Even if you do it through gritted teeth - he‘a their dad so you need to facilitate FD until they can do it themselves. I love the idea of SO MUCH GLITTER

I have made sure my kids have acknowledged it with cards. Last year I think I got cards and beer. From the look on his face he felt he deserved more.

I don’t like it the other way because I really don’t want XH involved in my birthday, Mother’s Day Etc, but he makes a thing about taking the kids out to do it so he can be The Good Dad. Now they ask him for money instead. (Which I let them keep because I really don’t need more Thornton’s).

YaasssQueen · 15/06/2020 22:51

I get my exh something nice from our children. He is a great dad and he always helps the children choose me something nice for bday/Xmas mothers day too.

I buy him something with as much thought as I would put into choosing something for a friend, I might not be married to him any more but he is a good person and is obvs the other important adult in their lives- they would be upset to not get him a present. They also make him a card and choose a nice silly something for him from tiger etc.
This works for us, but I know it's unusual.

1Micem0use · 16/06/2020 23:44

Didnt even get a happy mother's day message. Am planning on putting baby in a happy fathers day onesis and sending him a photo (cross continent coparenting).

1Micem0use · 16/06/2020 23:44

Onesie/baby grow

Annaminna · 17/06/2020 14:34

@cosmicbabe

I just think it's my place to buy it and not the GF... They have been together on and off about 5 years. It just doesn't feel right... I'm tempted to ask her why this year
Probably as a reaction to your behavior. If you are bitter then she is worried you will stop buying those. I bought Christmas and Fathers day persents form DC and did wait to the exact day. Just in case of a miracle: she bought the Fathes day card or gift from DC behalf. Unfortunately BM has been so spiteful that I don't think she has any decency to buy the fathers day present from DC. To not make DC feel bad I can "save the holiday" ... Once again.
cosmicbabe · 19/06/2020 18:00

I'm defo not bitter. I plumped for just a card this year which my son made himself to m the end

Juliet2014 · 19/06/2020 18:02

Me

I’ve got him small bottles of whiskey, his favourite chocolates and my children making him a card with some craft bits I Bought online

For Mother’s Day he got me a three month subscription to a weekly flower delivery company - it was wonderful

GroovyGrove · 19/06/2020 20:05

Bloody hell all this fuss for ex dps is ridiculous.
And gf's ' saving the holiday 🤦🏽‍♀️

When dc are at an age to understand Father's Day you ask them what do they want to get df, like Christmas etc. Then you help. It's that simple.

I would never dream of getting a dp a gift for Father's Day if We didn't share a dc.
That is a parent or grandparent job.

SistemaAddict · 19/06/2020 21:36

I'd get him a sense of decency if I could along with some morals and the ability to tell the truth.

Daisy12Maisie · 21/06/2020 10:03

It's my exs birthday very soon after fathers day. I have helped the boys order him a hamper of his favourite chocolate for his birthday and they have got cards for each occasion. Last week his gf text my son and said do you have a fathers day card/ present or do you want me to get something. He replied we have cards and a birthday present but yes please can you get him a fathers day present. That was kind of her I thought and better to check so she got the missing gift rather than duplicating what the boys already have. So ultimately I think it's my job to help the children but if she is kind enough to offer to get the present it was ok to say yes please.
For mothers day/ Christmas and my birthday everyone who knows me knows I am not bothered by cards/ gifts so my boys tend to make me a cup of tea on mothers day and lunch or something on my birthday. I have explained to them that you need to be thoughtful to the person on those special days though and that most people would like a card or present so bare that in mind for the future.
I dont think buying a mug is petty as lots of people at work have "amazing dad" mugs. I think they only need a maximum of 2 though so dont keep buying them!

Zoikes · 21/06/2020 11:14

I'd get him a sense of decency if I could along with some morals and the ability to tell the truth.

Grin

Ex is zero contact here so today is my treat day, if you have to be both parents then you get both parent days. Looking forward to a nice roast and reading Ickabog with youngest.

SistemaAddict · 21/06/2020 11:16

My dc haven't even realised it's Father's Day. Eldest says she doesn't even think of him as her dad anymore.

TossaCointoYerWitcher · 21/06/2020 23:33

I'm slightly the other way around to most. I really wish my ex (who I divorced after they cheated and is now living with the ex-affair partner) just wouldn't bother doing anything. The kids make cards at school, so I get something from them anyway. But she insists on buying boxes of chocolates and getting them to do lavish home-made gifts that they turn up with at mine (ironically, without the card made at school this year!)

I've tried saying I don't expect anything other than a home-made card max. That means way more than a box of chocolates ever would. And it doesn't need to be some big statement craft piece - a mug, a canvas painting, etc, etc - just a folded bit of card that they've scribbled on. That alone will bring tears to my eyes. Unfortunately my ex disagrees and says its important kids show they are appreciative of everything I do to them and I feel obliged to return the favour. Truth be told, I may stand my ground and if I get judged as being bitter and "not moving on" so be it...