"Single mum" definition

[Rubyred24]

Hi can anyone please explain the difference. Are both mums in the scenarios single mums or is the first a co parent?

1. Lots of benefits or works ie no money issues / ex a high earlier with nice maintenance payments. The father has them 50/50 (all weekend / takes them on holiday) grandparents help out a lot.

2. On some benefits but misses out most. No family. No father. No support.

Is mum 1 being referred to as a single parent offensive to mum 2 or is that exactly what she is?

I don’t understand why “lots of benefits” makes you a single mum or not.
Benefits are based of your finance not your relationships.

If I am correct with legal definitions: single mother/single father would a person bringing up a child or children without a partner.
In legal language, mum who does have a partner but partner isn't the dad, is NOT a single mum.

In real life, I believe, the definition should be: person who is bringing up a child without another parent's support. They might receive Child maintenance payments but again - that doesn't matter. Still single parent.

Money, benefits, other family members (grandparents, childminders, friends) nothing to do with being or not a single parent.

@IchaneNameMgy you are right, the topic is worded in hostile manner and the question is bias.

We could argue: who is more mum:

1. Mom of two - She has a big house, big garden, two dogs and a goldfish. She gets lots of help from her childminder, from her husband and her family lives near-by and they visiting each other often.
2. Mom of two - She has a housing associations house, her husband is always away because of the work. Her family lives 6 hours drive away and she don't have any friends who can babysit.

@ IchaneNameMgy get it, what about those that get annoyed looking at the rest of you !

I support myself and my kids no benefits and no expected support.

Both . It irrelevant who gets more money.

These threads pop up now and again because a lot of women don't have weekends where the children go to the father. It's hard to see other people managing a social life if you can't and still saying they have the same disadvantages as you, basically.

At uni I had a friend who had 1 night in the week away from kids and every weekend. She got to go out and do extra for the Uni which meant she won an award at the end to "distinguish" herself. I helped her with a couple of these projects, putting hours in behind the scenes without a mention and was constantly compared to her as "the two single mums". While she got to work through the nights with after school clubs and family support,I had to cram it in solo with no childcare because I couldn't afford it because I get no maintenance. It sucks.

Both of us are still single mothers though. We just need to accept that, as with most labels, you don't have to judge a book...

I think in the OP both are single but the second is a lone parent.

Bit of a difference.
There is also a difference between men who father and men who parent their children.

A lone parent / single mum is a person with no other adult in the house but with parental responsibility for 50% or more of childcare.

If the second person in your scenario is 'offended' by the first, it is because they are jealous because person one has an easier life.

Single parent, where care etc is shared with another adult.
Lone parent, where all the care is provided by one adult.

Both single parents - as in both are 'single' and a 'parent' but obviously mum 1 has a lot more support and isn't a 'lone' parent in the sense that mum 2 is literally doing it alone.

Both are single parents, parent two is a lone parent.

To be honest, I tend to let people define themselves however they want. There are enough barriers to fact without trying to misascribe titles to people!

They are both single parents but one has a v cushy set up and the other one doesn't.Some have it easy and others do not. The same as couples. I have a 15 yr old as a single parent but NO family support as no siblings and my parents are deceased.Ordinarily ds would stay a week at his dad's family four times a year but as they are 100 miles away this is off the menu. I feel fully stretched

Hi nice too meet everyone dose anyone know where I can get a lone from for crishmas as I've got nothing and no money the stuff I did get for my girls my boyfriend has taken it don't no what to do or got no one to turn too thank you for reading my post

They're both single mums.
The problem arises when people assume that every single mum has the support mum 1 does, and judge them when they struggle, when in reality they are mum 2.

I call myself a single or lone parent although I live with my partner because when it comes to parenting it is just me. My dc’s dad lives hundreds of miles away and sees them twice a year.

They’re both single parents. I earn enough to not get benefits but I get no maintenance, and my ex acts as if he only has her if I ask him to “babysit”. So in some ways I’m better off than those who rely on benefits (been there, it’s tough) but I’m not better off than those who have exes that actually parent their children. No family nearby either, but they are supportive from a distance. It’s not a competition and you just don’t know what people are dealing with at the end of the day.

@Iyiyi

I call myself a single or lone parent although I live with my partner because when it comes to parenting it is just me. My dc’s dad lives hundreds of miles away and sees them twice a year.

But as you live with another adult you have benefits you may not realise - day you realise you need milk at 9pm and the kids are in bed you can go or send him. Little tiny things that a true lone parent does not have to.

One is a single parent and one is a lone parent.

My children’s father is still involved. Sort of. He doesn’t have them overnight or pay maintenance though. He does the odd school pick up or bath time, so at least he does something. I have loads of support from my family. I think I’m a single parent as I’m not completely on my own.

It's sort of like you're assuming that the connotations of the lable 'single mum' are negative and disadvantaged, when actually it's just a factual phrase, you are single (no partner) and a mum. Being a single mum doesn't necessarily mean you have it hard and you don't have to have it hard to be a single mum?