"Single mum" definition

[Rubyred24]

Hi can anyone please explain the difference. Are both mums in the scenarios single mums or is the first a co parent?

1. Lots of benefits or works ie no money issues / ex a high earlier with nice maintenance payments. The father has them 50/50 (all weekend / takes them on holiday) grandparents help out a lot.

2. On some benefits but misses out most. No family. No father. No support.

Is mum 1 being referred to as a single parent offensive to mum 2 or is that exactly what she is?

To me single parent is means you don't have a partner. Doesn't matter if the ex is wealthy or the person is on benefits.

I know whose ex is absent but she lives with her partner who helps to financially support her children. She says she is a single mum but I don't think so. She's a divorced mum who is no longer single.

Both are single mums

Nearly all the single mums I know are rich - that doesn’t mean what they do is somehow less than if they had been poor. Single parenting is difficult regardless of the situation because everybody has different problems.

Define "lots of benefits" for me.

Lots of you have mentioned partners. I would classify a single parent as a person who is the only parent regardless of them having a partner? In my home I am the parent, my partner doesn't have children. I am a single parent because he is not a parent to my children

It’s self explanatory. Single (I.e. not in a relationship) mum (female parent). You don’t magically become not single if you have lots of money or not a mum if you’ve got a 50/50 child sharing arrangement.

@Bufferingkisses but you’re not single. There are married women whose husbands don’t do parenting either sadly but they don’t to claim to be single mums.

As a single parent I'll no longer class myself as one if I meet a new partner who moves in.

Single mum is a single parent rich or not is irrelevant.

Involved dad or not is irrelevant.

You could be married with a useless abusive husband who gives you no access to money and doesnt do any parenting and you would not be able to call yourself single mum even though it feels like.

Its NOT a single mum competition!

I'm a single parent - I have no partner, no family support, no child maintenance, no weekends off and am not eligible to claim anything other than child benefit.

They’re both single mums, I don’t understand the need for comparison and competition

Buffering you are most certainly not a single parent if you have a partner doesnt matter thay they arent the bio parent or that they dont do any parenting with you!!!!

Put it another way, if I have a partner move in I will lose the single parent part of my housing and council tax benefit - (not sure if my tax credits also had a single element, I can't remember)

I make all of the parenting decisions that apply to Dd but she has a good relationship with her Dad, sees him as much as possible depending on his work schedule. My parents live just down the road, do the school run for me and are massively helpful But if I didn't have them then DD would go to a childminder or something instead. I receive a small amount inCTC and CB.

I am still a single parent, a fortunate one perhaps, but I'm still single. I deal with all the medical needs, like at 3am when DD woke me because she has an earache. I deal with the school and parents evening. Although as a family DDs dad and I and her grandparents attend school performances and sports events where possible to support her.

Just because someone has a reasonable relationship with the father and a good relationship and lives near their parents doesn't determine whether they are single or not.

@buckfastattiffanys - I don’t want to blow your mind or anything - but single parents can earn enough to not qualify for benefits.

I hate this assumption that single parent = on benefits. It’s not true in my case, I don’t even qualify for child benefit.

They both are. They are single and they are mums = single mum.

I'd say 1) was a single parent and 2) was a lone parent

There is a difference. Trust me 1) if you have an emotionally abusive ex has its own issues - and missing the kids when you first split and they're not there is like a bereavement

However I really admire people who cope in 2) situation

Mum 2 single and get some benefits but she sees her dad although he doesn't have her at weekends.

I cannot understand why single mothers are so closely associated with benefits. I am a single parent, very little / occasional involvement from the other parent since the birth of my second, haven't touched a penny from the public funds. But everyone apparently seems to think that everything I have is not earned through work but on the taxpayers' account.

I think it's helpful for the totally alone parents to have a descriptor for explaining their situation. There are degrees of difficulty and isolation. So for me, mum 2 is a lone parent and I hope she gets a night off soon.

I also have a wry smile for the friend who exclaimed that 'mummy was really a single parent'. Mummy in her case had a very high earning husband who worked abroad for tax purposes, lived on her estate with housekeeper, gardener and cleaner and packed her children off to boarding school. I aspire to that level of single parent hood.

@firstmentat A vast majority of single parents do need some state support particularly if their children are very young. You receive CB up to around 50 k, there aren't a huge number of single parents earning that, unless perhaps they had children later in life and had a developed career already.
Of course not all single parents will need help but it is a safety net to ensure the children are not subjected to poverty or that's the intention. I have gone from the former when DD was a baby and I couldn't work to now at the start of a career only receiving a relatively small amount and as Dd gets older and I move up the payscale that amount will only get less.

Hi I know not all single mums are on benefits of course. I just wanted to know if both women I described were "single parents"

To me even though mum 1 doesn't have a partner she's not bringing up the child alone. Regardless of money I shouldn't have mentioned that really but in this situation it was relevant.

@BumblebeeBum I think because the options were that 1) had no money worries so I assumed 2) would but yes I see what you mean. Earning enough to not qualify for benefits doesn’t mean no worries financially.
Didn’t mean to cause offence.

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime
Yes, I had my children at 28 and 30, so quite late (and not eligible for public funds anyway, even if I had earned below the threshold). I was just pointing out the unconscious bias which really really winds me up sometimes. It does not help ANY single parent, whether on benefits or self-sufficient. I took a 6 months career break when my children were 1 and 2.5, mainly for embarrassing health reasons (was doubly incontinent post childbirth, had to get it fixed - really struggled in the office environment) and when I had my first interview after, I was asked whether I would not find it tough to see my "welfare" disappear (I wasn't claiming any welfare in the interim, but despite interviewing for a quite well paid position the person thought I am on some sort of amazing all-bills-paid package from the government and would find it tough working for the money).

@firstmentat Sorry to hear of your health problems, sounds very difficult.

I, on the other hand, was 23 and had a contraception failure and decided to go it alone as DDs dad wasn't a good bf (turns out he's a pretty good dad though) was applying for jobs and got told by the job centre when I had my review to stay at home as 'babies are only little once'.

The whole situation and stigma around single/lone parenting is rather rubbish. When talking about food at work and what I'd given DD in her lunch box my colleagues were surprised that she did not get free school meals and wasn't a pupil premium child.

And of course where do single Dads come in all of these, the ones who see there children fairly regularly but perhaps not 50:50 care. They are still parents, but often not taking on the emotional, medical and educational parenting responsibilities.