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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I've been an idiot.......again

93 replies

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 14:19

Have slept with xp twice, and now I don't know what to do, about anything.

This is so not like me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ShinyHappySchmooo · 17/09/2007 15:18

Couldn't you send one of your old fuck buddies her way, Madamez? Pick her a nice one..

Earlybird · 17/09/2007 15:18

You've posted in the past that you didn't want him back, but felt unhappy that he was getting involved with someone else (didn't help that you know that someone, and don't like her). You also posted about how you were purposely flirting with him and manipulating the situation so that he'd be delayed/unable to see his new gf when they had plans.

Did you shag him to stop that relationship developing further? IMO, there's nothing wrong with shagging an ex, but to be fair to him, you need to make sure you're not being manipulative/toying with his emotions. If you don't want him, let him go make a new life for himself.

ShinyHappySchmooo · 17/09/2007 15:19

[no offence intended Nutty.. just realised how that sounded!! .. but Madamez seems to know what she's doing.. :})

Original poster

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 15:58

No offence taken

No I definatly didn't sleep with him to stop him seeing her, he'd already ended that, and he reckons he didn't sleep with her, and I do believe him, not because he wouldn't do it, but because I know she didn't want him anyway, it was a big game to her.

She has now switched to telling people that I have spread rumours about her now, and told mutal friends not to speak to her, which is totally untrue, but tbh I couldn't give a toss anymore, she is no loss.

I'm sure sleeping with him probably does give him mixed messages, but I told him before and afterwards that it was sex nothing more, so if he now chooses to make more of it than it was thats his problem.

My friend seems to think we should try dating each other as she said we get on so well when we are being nice to each other, which is true, but a relationship with him will just never work again so no point.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 15:58

No men on my course LIz, unfortunatly.

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 17/09/2007 16:20

nutty I think you do want him back, but sleeping with him isnt going to get him back, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free (just a saying), you wouldnt have gone out of your way to stop him seeing the other girl if you didnt want him, I think you either have to make a decision that you do want him back, or if not let him move on, if it is the other way round and it him not wanting you then stop sleeping with him, get some pride, and move on yourself

Original poster

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 16:25

Oh I know I didn't have to sleep with him to get him back anyway. If I wanted him back he'd come running in a flash, but I don't.

I will admitt that I was ever so confused about how ill, upset and generally shite I felt when he was seeing my exfriend, and how much betterI felt when he stopped seeing her, and tbh that still does confuse me alot, but I still wouldn't have him back.

OP posts:

tiredemma · 17/09/2007 16:28

you minx!

dont let him ruin your plans again though.

Original poster

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 16:30

Oh don't worry, I won't be.

He was being all encouraging about college the other day and I said 'sorry but your about a year too late with this' and he got all offended, until I reminded him that I had to drop out last year because he refused to care for his son, and then he apologised, which was also too late.

OP posts:

LIZS · 17/09/2007 16:48

Too damn right too little, too late, he'd say anything wouldn't he

Shame about the lack of men , not even on the GCSE bit ?

Freckle · 17/09/2007 16:52

Do be careful, nutty. I know you said that he walked home in the early hours, but it wouldn't take much for the Benefits Agency to be interested in a man staying "overnight".

Pinkchampagne · 17/09/2007 16:58

Nutty!

Hasn't that totally done your head in?
I can't (thankfully!) imagine having sex with my ex, but think it would screw my head right up if I did.

LIZS · 17/09/2007 16:59

My worry too, Freckle, and you said before you were being watched by neighbours and snooped on to the "friend".

pirategirl · 17/09/2007 17:03

hiya Nut, shit happens, and I do understand why you would do that, being lonely.

Its a real shame you two cant make it work.

If you absolutely cetain it wa just sex, then u will have to tell, him, but dont go getting too sorry for him.

Remember what an arse he has been.xx

Original poster

nutcracker · 17/09/2007 17:08

LOL Liz, not sure, will check tommorow.

I am pretty sure that it was xp's family who grassed on me to the dss last time so i'm not too worried about that, I refuse to stop having a life just because I am on benefits. Having sex with a bloke and him leaving afterwards is no dss offence as far as I am concerned, and if they want to make it one then they can kiss my ass before I will agree that I have done anything wrong.

It has done my head in a little bit PC, mainly because I feel like I am living a double life, as only one friend knows about it. It is quite weird.

I have said a million times to xp that had he stuck to what we agreed when I gave him his second chance before, then we'd still be together now, because all I wanted was a bit of comittment from him and for him to fight for us, and he didn't. I don't think he would be any different if he had another chance and am not willing to take the risk.

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 17/09/2007 17:47

its not a dss offence to have a man over, if his family keep reporting you all that will happen in the end is that their calls will be recorded as being mallicious and wont be taken seriously, I wuldnt worry about it on that front.

fawkeoff · 17/09/2007 17:50

you are within your rights to have whoever you want to stay over three times a week as long they are clearly not living there

LIZS · 17/09/2007 17:59

Trouble is Nutty has already been interviewed under caution once for same p stopping a few times, causing her much stress. So it is a worry as if further info was received they'd look into it again , rightly or wrongly.

fawkeoff · 17/09/2007 18:03

i understand it will cause her plenty of distress, but they honestly cant do eff all unless they have someone camped outside your house to prove you actually have someone living with you full time, they cant prove it if its not true

LIZS · 17/09/2007 18:05

but is a quickie really worth the potnetial hassle ?

fawkeoff · 17/09/2007 18:06

dear god no!!! i was just trying to reassure thats all....sounds like she doesnt want to do it again anyway

fawkeoff · 17/09/2007 18:07

just thought it might help to really knew where she stands for future booty calls

Tinkerbel5 · 17/09/2007 18:19

I dont think a quickie is worth it in both accounts here

Tinkerbel5 · 17/09/2007 18:21

the dss do not have the resources to investigate every claim, so if nutty keeps getting reported and they have already interviewed her and no further action has been taken then they will see it as a mallicious call, shame nutties ex outlaws dont know that

allgonebellyup · 17/09/2007 18:42

oh god, what are you doing girl??

thought we were in the same boat, but it seems not!

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