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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Anyone else not noticing much difference with isolation?

22 replies

JeSuisPoulet · 30/03/2020 18:22

I keep seeing so many people on social media complaining about not seeing people, visiting people on doorsteps -2mt rule obviously, delivering food etc. I feel like I might be a bit unreasonable here but..

No one ever does that for me! I have had 4 people call me in the last 2 weeks and tbh it seems everyone else seems to need constant visits, chats and physical contact - something I never even realised before this- so much so that they post anything and everything on SM. It actually makes me feel even more shit; not only is this my usual existence (no contact with people for weeks other than school run, not able to go out for birthdays etc) but no one has offered to bring us anything or made special effort. Friends posting on FB complaining about kids in shops not offering or thinking about what us single parents have to do to get food. Go on, tell me I'm being unreasonable to feel that not only do we do this every year, but we don't even get help offered when people are put in the same boat!

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PumpkinP · 30/03/2020 21:12

I’m so glad you posted this as I feel exactly the same. I usually go for weeks without speaking to another adult, I have my sister but she’s very unsupportive and actually said to me yesterday that she doesn’t like talking to negative people and they don’t last very long in her life, clearly referring to me as I said I was finding things difficult. She doesn’t understand loneliness and boredom according to her so although I can talk to her sometimes I end up feeling worse after speaking to her. she also said she wouldn’t help me with shopping if I needed it, I also have no one else that can help, some people seem to have a huge network of support and don’t seem to understand that not everyone has that. I’ve never spoken to my neighbours they are not very friendly and I’ve lost count the amount of times people have suggested anyone who doesn’t have support to “just ask your neighbours” like we all live on some lovely great street with wonderful neighbours. I’m single and have been for 3 years and hearing people complain that they won’t be able to date for a few weeks I’m also amazed at how often people see family and friends that people are upset they haven’t seen a family member for a week, I have no family other than my sister and dad who I see a couple of times a year. Every time I read someone saying how tough and hard it is I think this is my life
All the time.

Original poster

JeSuisPoulet · 30/03/2020 22:10

Hi Pumpkin,
Yes! I feel like shouting FFS, grow a pair - I've been doing this for 8 years! Oh no, you can't go out for ONE birthday? You have to look after your own kids for a whole week without grandparents helping out or cooking Sunday roast? And yes re the support. If there are 2 of you you seem to get more of it! It's my life other than not being able to go to nice places on the weekend for a change of scenery. I'm amazed at how soon people crack when faced with just some of the same issues.
I've not ventured to a shop yet. Have you? Am really scared we will be shouted at for me taking dd along...

OP posts:

Butterfingers64 · 30/03/2020 22:21

Yes, I'm really not noticing much difference. I'm a lone parent to 3 teenage DC. I WFH usually so that has not changed. I occasionally go out with friends but that is only every three months or so and I have not missed it yet.

I am quite enjoying not feeling under pressure to be more sociable!

Joywillcomeagain · 30/03/2020 23:07

Yes aside from taking dd to preschool twice a week and rhyme time at the library everything is pretty much the same for me too. It's not just you!!

PumpkinP · 30/03/2020 23:41

I’ve not gone to the shops yet as I’ve heard they are not letting children in. I’ve managed so far but I don’t know how much longer before I will need to go but what am I suppose to do with 4 under 10 if they won’t let children in the shop

You have to look after your own kids for a whole week without grandparents helping out or cooking Sunday roast?

Yep even seen the ones where they are complaining that they aren’t going to get a break, I never get a break, ever. my ex has been absent for 3 years (hasn’t seen them at all) I’ve looked after 4 kids on my own without a single break other than school and even then I’m still home with the baby. It makes you realise how strong we are when you see people saying how hard it is living what is the reality for some of us. This is my life all the time. The only person that texts me is dominos. No one cares how I am or how I’m coping.

rosegoldfever · 30/03/2020 23:55

Same here in as not much change to my daily life, I'm nhs worker in admin so my job isn't from home and is the same as well as no change in regards to my social life. This is the first time I don't feel pathetic and guilty for not having friends and a social life but it's a shame it's taking a pandemic, wish it could be under better circumstances. Always wishing I had friends and social events during normal times.

ittooshallpass · 31/03/2020 08:16

Single parent here too. Have been for 8 years. It's easier now my DD is older, but the YEARS I spent home alone we're far, far harder than the current situation. There is LOADS of support and plenty of events online to tap into. There was NOTHING when I needed it... I'm actually finding this all pretty easy. I've gone far longer with no interaction at all. All these people who are struggling have clearly never, ever had to stand on their own two feet 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

JeSuisPoulet · 31/03/2020 09:16

I have found that too - i'm busier at home because now everyone is in the same boat there are loads of online things to do. It's become quite competitive I find, especially the home schooling part. I have also found a lot of exes have come creeping out of the woodwork. It's so weird!

On the plus side, someone else is having to live with your ex
We don't have the mopey men getting narky because their whole life revolves around their job and this whole experience is a great insight into those pretend 'happy families' when they have to actually spend time together.

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Original poster

JeSuisPoulet · 31/03/2020 09:18

That last bit sounded a bit bitter, but I think we all know one of those show off families...not just couples in general

OP posts:

SeperatedSwans · 31/03/2020 09:48

Hi I'm a lone parent too, and yes my life hasn't drastically changed. I'm as lonely now as I was 10 weeks ago!

I do miss the office, because that's where I would get my daily socialising done. But we're all on a office WhatsApp group so we still chat throughout the day on that.

I don't think people realise what the life of a lone parent is like, we don't go out, except for essential trips like shopping, we don't socialise or party, nobody really cares about us, we sit alone most evenings in silence,

The only thing that's different for me recently is I've started to talking to a guy I've been on 3 dates with, and even in lockdown were still chatting about things now and again.

ittooshallpass · 31/03/2020 12:49

Not bitter at all JeSuisPoulet, actually rather funny! I agree with you... and yes... I know a couple of happy families that will come unravelled..,

worldweary45 · 31/03/2020 12:58

I'm a teacher and shocked one of my colleagues the other day when I told them I can go the entire summer holiday without speaking to another adult

Feels no different really -I'm on the rota for school but it's infrequent and working from home is not much different from what I do over the summer

My children are older teens so we don't do all the day trips/swimming/park we did when they were little

Their dad messaged me yesterday and I was just so glad he's not here -looking on the bright side!

RaininSummer · 31/03/2020 13:18

Agree. haven't noticed any real difference in my life other than not going to the office to work and a couple of family visits a week (which I am missing). I don't have any regular visitors and only go out a few times a month normally and nothing terribly exciting at that. What I am missing is trip to somewhere scenic for a better walk with the dog as the park is getting tedious. I am enjoying being at home more although I don't seem to have any gained time as it's taking so long to organise remote lessons and chase students.

Topsy44 · 02/04/2020 19:06

I do agree with you. I am an LP and have been for almost 6 years. It makes me laugh that my friends want to do a weekly video call with me now but for the last 6 years haven't even thought about it - they are on their own(sort of) now so they want to do the call but I have been on my own for the last 6 years. Aaaagh!!

madcatladyforever · 02/04/2020 19:09

No change here. I'm still going to work everyday.

FuckThisWind · 02/04/2020 19:24

I'm actually feeling very much in control. And realising how much I've always enjoyed my own company (and DD aged 8)

My massive realisation earlier today was that I am loving isolation because it means I am not having to run around giving pieces of myself to others. Quite a life lesson!

Bingeslayer · 02/04/2020 19:36

Yep,other than no school not a vast difference,their dad doesn't have them anyway.

Joanna1232 · 02/04/2020 21:58

Gosh I never really thought of it that way I've been single years and a single parent longer. Seeing it wrote down like that makes me a bit sad my life has been this way for so long it just became my normal. But seeing people are saying it's so hard after a week or so does that mean a single mums life is really that shit? I had my children barely a adult and was single parent when they were very young so know nothingelse really.

PumpkinP · 03/04/2020 01:10

Not every single parent will be the same, loads have supportive families who help with their DCs or a big group of friends. Being a single mum can be lonely though, I have lost so many friends because I can’t go out and socialise so we just drifted apart, I don’t have any friends with children so they werent interested in soft play/ parks etc. My kids don’t go to their dads so I never have the freedom to do things, build a social life away from children. It’s amazing seeing people crumble after a week experiencing what our lives are like 24/7.

Moneymachine · 07/04/2020 22:46

Great post! In early days of isolation I think I came across a bit rude to some people .. 😂 they asked how I coped, and I said ..”well,no different for us!”
I lost my husband not long ago. Since coronavirus kicked off, hardly anyone asked if we are ok and if we need anything (I have no family nearby). We are fine, we can cope.

Amymayapple · 09/04/2020 16:38

I think what this thread is pointing out is not that the situation is hard now,

But that the situation was too hard for many people already.

People were too isolated (because of uncarig communities).

I hope that this Coronavirus event will nake communities more caring of each other

megletthesecond · 10/04/2020 15:54

Yep. I've not been out for five years. Family aren't local.
Lucky to work from home 3 days a week.
One neighbour who I speak to a few times a year did pop her head out and offered me some surplus eggs. Apart from that nothing. I do like in a crappy estate though.

I won't be in contact with the non isolating neighbours near me. They can piss off.

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