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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

im torn between 2 guys

19 replies

LadySTUNNA · 10/09/2007 17:50

could really do with some advice, you see, i have 2 kids they have differant dads, my first childs dad is a rich succesfull bussinessman and he wants me 2 marry him and he treats me like a queen and can give me the world but i dont love him. but my second childs dad doesnt do anything, smokes drugs, he used 2 physically abuse me now he doesnt, he has cheated and lied 2 me but yet im in love with him. i have split with my second childs dad loads of times (we have such a volitale relationship its untrue) and gone bk 2 my first childs dad but then when things gt right i go bk to the man im in love with. what do i do because i cant keep messing everyone around. who do i choose? the man i want? or the man i need?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 10/09/2007 17:52

How about forgetting about depending on men and be the parent your children need. Leave the first one alone so he can find someone who loves him and leave the second one because he is a scumbag.

lou33 · 10/09/2007 17:53

leave them both alone, one you dont love, so that's not fair on him, and one sounds like a shit tbh, and he is no good for you or your kids

Original poster
LadySTUNNA · 10/09/2007 18:02

thanks guys thing is im dependant on my first childs dad for emotional support, i cant talk to anyone else about my problems apart from him, if he leaves my life im F**ked i trust him with my life i trust him with everything and he is always there for me to talk to when i need him. how do i break away from not needing him?

OP posts:
lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:03

you are only dependent because you have made it that way, you can find other people to confide in

that's not to say you shouldnt have a relationsip of sorts with him as he is the father of your child, but i dont think you should be using him as a crutch , which is how it appears

Carmenere · 10/09/2007 18:06

What is in it for him though LS? That is not a very nice way to treat a decent man, is it?

lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:08

why do you love a man who treated you so crappily? and why dont you love a man who thinks the world of you?

lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:08

hi carmen

Carmenere · 10/09/2007 18:11

Hi Lou, I think that LadyS has self esteem issues, the usual, 'I don't deserve the nice bloke because I am BAAAD and only deserve the abusive plonker'.
Ditch the idiot first anyway and at least see if there might be a possiblity of something with the nice man.

Original poster
LadySTUNNA · 10/09/2007 18:12

i know its very bad he says im using him and its not fair on him. which i understand. he is very decent, and loves me very much but i just cant give back those feelings. you see i loved him when i gave birth and till my child was 1 but he didnt love me bk so i moved on now its the other way round! he is looking for a wife and wants more children but in my heart i wouldnt like that and have said certain things to him to delay him moving on because i know as soon as he gets married thats it i cant talk to him anymore because it would b disrespectful toward his wife. maybe im being selfish but.. i dont know im torn...

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 10/09/2007 18:14

sorry to be so blunt about this....but stop being so wet!!!!,you need to distance yourself from both of these men, and let the first childs dad find someone who will love him back,and he should get a backbone and tell you this himself

Original poster
LadySTUNNA · 10/09/2007 18:14

yes ure spot on carmenere i have low self esteem in my first child dads world im LOW class im not in a fantastic job or got 3 cars or live in a mansion so i feel i would b out of place. but in my second childs dad world im the Top Cheese! im the best he can get. and i kind of like the feeling of being wanted and needed.

OP posts:
lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:14

i know carmen, i was just asking so she would ask herself

lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:15

sorry but thats a crap reason to stay with someone, who to me, has been described as a dickhead

Original poster
LadySTUNNA · 10/09/2007 18:17

i dont love him because hes not what i want hes what i need.

OP posts:
lou33 · 10/09/2007 18:18

try being single?

mytwopenceworth · 10/09/2007 18:20

what do you want?
Why not list the qualities that you are looking for in a man ... NOT a description of either of these men, btw. Close your eyes and imagine your ideal bloke.

Is he kind, is he loyal, is he romantic, is he adventurous.....

You really sound like you don't feel the nice guy's equal, which is sad. Maybe you'd be better off single and taking time to sort yourself out (self esteem wise, I mean)

fawkeoff · 10/09/2007 18:22

well dont u think u should fins someone wjo you are equal to?????

ScoobyDooooo · 10/09/2007 18:23

If you don't love the 1st guy let him guy, surly he deserves happiness with someone who wants to love him?

As for the 2nd guy, you are asking for trouble what attracts you to him? is it because he is a bad guy & keeps you on your toes?

ScoobyDooooo · 10/09/2007 18:23

Let him GO not guy lol

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