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Ex Husband doesn't want any contact

65 replies

FeliciaLong · 25/02/2020 22:39

My ex Husband doesn't want any contact with his two daughter who are 2 and 4 years old. If I go and see a solicitor what can they do?

OP posts:
johnwayneisbigleggy · 25/02/2020 22:44

I'd say nothing to be honest. They can't force him see the children. All you can do is go via csa for financial support and write to him stating that you want him to see his daughters - I guess a solicitor could do that - and keep a copy of any letters or emails that you send or receive in return so that when the children are older you can at least prove that you tried.

Bagofoldbones · 25/02/2020 22:47

Nothing but help you pursue CS. Some men are just arses

SoloMummy · 25/02/2020 22:53

You cannot force a parent to parent.

Even if it went to court situation via you, a court won't order parental contact in this situation.

HappyAsASandboy · 26/02/2020 02:20

Although a solicitor/court cannot force your DD's father to have contact, I think it is worth taking a solicitors advice about how to document his choice.

For example, if he is choosing not to have contact, I would want a solicitors advice on how to document zero contact for child maintenance, how to establish indefinite permission to take them abroad on holiday, revocation of parental responsibility (?) to enable you to make sole education/health choices etc..

I would do everything I could to ensure that your ex doesn't retain the right to dictate choices for your DDs (restricting your choices for your DDs) while absolving himself of any relationship with them.

What a sad situation for your DDs Sad

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 26/02/2020 05:34

You can’t force him to have contact. Make sure you claim child support from the worthless sack of minge though.

FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 12:04

I mean take his rights away things like that

OP posts:
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 12:08

We are not divorced yet and will be keeping my married name. He got into a new relationship a month ago and already engaged. I found out yesterday he has left his job so he doesn't have to pay child support. Child Maintence rang me to tell me I will be getting £7 a week from him. He contacted my solicitor to say he doesn't want any involvement. I asked my solicitor if she can help me with my divorce just wondered if she could do anything else

OP posts:
Herringbone31 · 26/02/2020 12:12

Take his rights away?

NichyNoo · 26/02/2020 12:15

@Herringbone31 yes take his rights away! If he doesn't want to parent, why on earth should the OP be forced to ask him permission every time she takes the kids on holiday or for his permission to apply for school for example!!!!!

Isadora2007 · 26/02/2020 12:19

I think he can give up parental rights if he agrees via a solicitor. He’d still need to pay maintenance but wouldn’t be able to disagree to future things like school choices, going abroad or changing names.

FAQs · 26/02/2020 12:26

You can’t do anything, I had my solicitor wrote to my ex when my daughter was 6, prior to that he had seen her twice as a newborn, once when she was 3 and again when she was 6.

I asked he see her at least once a month to maintain contact, he replied to her saying he might be able to visit once every 3 months but could guarantee it, she wrote back asking for a more regular arrangement, not heard from him since, that was nearly 10 years ago.

FAQs · 26/02/2020 12:28

*couldn’t guarantee

MidniteMessenger · 26/02/2020 12:37

He is already engaged whilst still married? That is shocking, if this was me I would drag the divorce out as long as I wanted until you got everything and more out of him. Please don't pander after him, don't let him manipulate you either, for him to walk out on his kids like that and his job does not bode well for his future. What a absolute twat he is.

WelcometoCranford · 26/02/2020 12:39

I would find a family law solicitor to get proper advice on having his parental rights rescinded, if possible (I know that it can be done through adoption but that also removes the right of maintenance). I do sympathise, my dc's father wasn't interested but I had to tolerate regular threats of family courts by the paternal gf until he accepted that his son was simply refusing to turn up to pre-arranged contact, and without letting me know, so if anyone needed sueing, it was his son!

TooTrusting · 26/02/2020 13:06

Family lawyer here.

The law is not drafted in terms of "rights", but in terms of responsibilities, but it boils down to the same thing.

What gives you the right to make decisions about a child's upbringing, medical treatment etc is called parental responsibility (PR).

There is legally no means of removing PR from a father who was married to the mother (conversely, you can legally remove PR from an unmarried father) - unless there is an adoption/surrogacy. But you can get a court order to limit his ability to exercise it (which is as good as removing it). However, the court would only make an order in truly exceptional circumstances (eg where there had been sexual assault or violence by F, where F has refused to consent to significant medical treatment). I do not think a F saying he doesn't want to see the DCs is going to be enough.

If you can't remove/limit his PR, then technically he is entitled to make decisions about the DCs - where they are educated, whether they are brought up in a particular faith, where they live, what medical treatment they are given. In practice, since he has said he intends to have no contact, just make decisions yourself and don't consult him. If he ever tries to interfere in the future, and you can't agree, then either one of you could apply to the court for a specific issue order dealing with whatever the issue is. Where a F has had limited/no involvement, his wishes are extremely unlikely to be preferred over the mother's.

If you are more concerned about your ability to take them abroad on holiday without his consent, then you need a residence order. This gives you the right to take them for up to 28 days without his consent. You could ask him to consent to a residence order. This will protect you in other ways (eg if he suddenly decides he wants to play a role, things turn ugly and he removes the DCs from you).

In practice, you don't have to have a residence order - you could just go on holiday, without asking him to consent. Technically this is a child abduction under special international legislation (Hague Convention) and he could apply to get you sent back, but if all you do is go on holiday then you'd be back before the proceedings got underway and so in practice the risk of this happening is negligible.

If you move abroad permanently, then again technically you need his consent and if you don't get it you could be forced to return (whether or not you would be is fact-specific).

On balance, I'd say get a residence order and then just make parenting decisions without consulting him, since he's made it clear he wants to disengage. What he said to the solicitor must be documented/formally recorded in some way (eg in a letter).

You cannot protect against him deciding later down the line that he regrets his decision and wants to see them. Again, what will then happen is fact specific and will depend on things like when he last saw them, their own wishes, any threat to their welfare etc. He will be expected to prove his commitment.

If he really does this, be ready for the children to "romanticise" the idea of the absent father when they are teenagers and rebelling against Mum's rules.

This is a good article to read, which explains it all clearly:
www.familylawgroup.co.uk/site/blog/flg-news/when-can-parental-responsibility-be-removed

Starlight456 · 26/02/2020 13:16

Take your £7 a week. He will want to increase his income at some point. Unless she plans to support him won’t be allowed to sit on universal credit.

PumpkinP · 26/02/2020 13:17

You can’t force him, my extra hasn’t seen my kids for 3 years. You can’t make someone and honestly it’s not best for the child to see someone that doesn’t want to see them anyway. As far as I’m aware you can’t take away his rights either, that only happens in very extreme cases, like sexual abuse etc.

PumpkinP · 26/02/2020 13:18

I’m not sure about that Starlight456 my Ex hasn’t paid in 3 years. So don’t get your hopes up op.

Doyoumind · 26/02/2020 13:24

What is he going to live on if he isn't working? He won't immediately be entitled to benefits if he left his job voluntarily. At some point, he is going to have to do something about getting an income.

I wouldn't waste your money on a solicitor, unless it is for a residence order, as PP said.

FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 13:59

I'm keeping my married name so it wont be an issue for me to go abroad also my solicitor said it won't be an issue.

OP posts:
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:01

Also everyone please I am not going to forge him to see his child this isn't my intentions I just want to know what everyone else would do and if a solicitor will do anything

OP posts:
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:02

So i am talking about one person can't be nice then please don't comment.

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FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:05

He is no my problem so don't ask me questions about him. What he gonna live isn't my issue my issue are the children and I am basically asking what I should do as never have been in this position before

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 26/02/2020 14:11

@FeliciaLong I would take that as gospel about not being stopped at the airport just because you share a surname btw.

Clangus00 · 26/02/2020 14:11

Fuck.....WOULDN’T

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