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Original poster

Ex Husband doesn't want any contact

65 replies

FeliciaLong · 25/02/2020 22:39

My ex Husband doesn't want any contact with his two daughter who are 2 and 4 years old. If I go and see a solicitor what can they do?

OP posts:
wrinkledimplelover · 26/02/2020 14:12

I would look to get the residence order. This protects you from him suddenly (perhaps spurred on by new fiancée/partner/wife) at some random point in the future causing you problems by going abroad with the kids without his consent. While it's unlikely, if he does, it will be a headache and one you definitely don't need. You need to close as many loopholes as you can so you limit the shit he can pull later - your children are still young and you have a long time left until they're adults.

Also do take the £7. It's nothing now but he will have to be employed again at some point.

Sorry this is happening to the three of you. I can only hope it's for the best that he's out of your lives if this is the man he is.

wrinkledimplelover · 26/02/2020 14:14

It's not gospel that you wouldn't be stopped because you share a surname. Some airports are stricter than others. I know Schipol (Ansterdam) can be quite strict in school holidays. I know some people (mothers) who have been asked there. Not in the UK though.

FlaskMaster · 26/02/2020 14:18

You can sign away your parental rights - sometimes people do that to allow the child to be adopted by someone else (for example, a step- dad might become the adoptive dad where a deadbeat dad hasn't bothered with their kid for years. So you could invite him to rescind his parental responsibility. It's up to him then. If he does it, obviously he won't be liable to pay maintenance anymore, so that might be a consideration for both of you.

conduitoffortune · 26/02/2020 14:41

Same situation but several years ahead. The only order I have needed is a Specific Issue Order to take the DC abroad without a letter of consent each time.

Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:52

I'm not really worried about that

OP posts:
Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:53

Also I can go without his permission less than 28days that's what my solicitor said too i doubt I will go longer than two weeks anyway thanks for your input

OP posts:
Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 14:58

If you all think my main concern is leaving the country then.............

OP posts:
LittleBoyJuly2020 · 26/02/2020 15:13

OP you're a bit defensive and rude, people are only trying to help you.

ShesCurly · 26/02/2020 15:13

I'm not sure if you're misreading the tone OP but nobody has been negative or said anything judgy, everyone is just sharing advice and experience.

You sound angry and defensive but I genuinely think everyone has shared well meaning and useful advice, so I'm not sure where that's come from.

Herringbone31 · 26/02/2020 15:56

@NichyNoo

Ooh. Didn’t understand what op meant.

Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 16:38

Everyone is coming across that my main concern is leaving the country my main concern is my children I never asked if I could leave the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 16:39

I would like to know if anyone has been in this position and I wanted advice on what I could do next. I never asked about leaving the country 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 16:41

It's only PP who has upset me no one else

OP posts:
LangClegsOpinionIsNoted · 26/02/2020 16:42

Op you've had loads of advice. Stop being arsey to people who are trying to help you.

Original poster
FeliciaLong · 26/02/2020 16:43

Also I never said I want to force him to see his children. I went to my solicitor and asked her if she could help me with my divorce and she said she can help me with other things too. I simply ask everyone on here what that could be?

OP posts:
ShesCurly · 26/02/2020 16:44

You haven't said thank you to anyone who has helped and some people have given some really great advice.

Someone upthread who works in family law took the time to write incredibly detailed and helpful advice and instead of saying thanks to them you've been snarky to someone else (I can't even work out who you are pissed off with).

Maybe acknowledge and engage helpful posters instead of posting a bunch of arsey messages.

MashedSpud · 26/02/2020 16:47

Ask your solicitor.

wrinkledimplelover · 26/02/2020 16:52

Sorry OP. I was giving advice about leaving the country because I know two people who have had specific issues with this. I also know of a third woman (not a friend of mine - the new partner of my close friend's ex) who lost custody of her kids totally because she went abroad without permission, the kids' father found out and reported her as kidnapping the kids and somehow won in court. The kids now live with their father.

For my friends who had issues, like you it was the last thing on their minds when their OH buggered off and was causing them problems. There were 101 more immediate things to be dealing with. However, when it became a problem, they wished they'd known before.

That's why I said it. It wasn't to imply that top of your list of priorities was a foreign holiday!

I hope you get other advice here that's useful to you.

Embracelife · 26/02/2020 17:01

You could be asked at airport ferry port for letter of consent from their dad to go on holiday.
You need a residency order to show you can go for up to 28 days.

ShesCurly · 26/02/2020 17:01

Omg @wrinkledimplelover you shared helpful advice in a really kind couple of posts, you have nothing to apologise for and I hope OP can see that!

catspyjamas123 · 26/02/2020 17:07

The right to go on holiday abroad is the main area where he could cause problems if he wanted to. It’s bound to crop up at some time. There are few other areas where he could cause you trouble - that’s why people are mentioning travel.

My ex is also a deadbeat. Hasn’t seen DD for two years but he still threatened to stop her travelling and to come to a parent’s evening when she didn’t want him there. She is a teenager. The school took her side and told him to write in if he wanted an update.

Delaneyblue · 26/02/2020 17:37

As Tootrusting has helpfully explained, the main help that your solicitor can provide is to guide you through getting a residency order. This will provide you with some back up, if your ex decides later on that he wants to try to control you, via controlling what your children do, e.g. where they go to school and travel abroad.

Many absent parents decide later on to try and get involved, often because their own parents or future partners want this contact. As your exH will have parental responsibility, there is little you can do to completely prevent this but a residency order establishes that your children's main home is with you. So you will be the one who is taken notice of in terms of choosing schools etc. (my understanding as a parent not a legal expert so hope that is correct)

LonginesPrime · 26/02/2020 18:09

What situations are you worried about, OP, if not the travel?

Divebar · 26/02/2020 18:46

Do you think your exes parents or family will want to see the children even if he isn’t interested?

PumpkinP · 26/02/2020 19:14

The op is very snappy and rude. She claimed I was rude in my post when I wasn’t. Comes across really easily offended, people are only giving advice as it’s not clear what you are asking?! I assumed you was asking if there’s anything you can do with regards to him wanting no contact, what exactly is it you are asking for advice on

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