Should I send the receipt?

[tiredmumma10]

I posted earlier about asking ex to contribute towards a block of classes for our baby DD which was eventually given but after a hell of a lot of questions about where it is and when it is and if he can go and if it's just for DD he is paying and not me aswell because the activity requires me taking part to for her safety. Basically all because he clearly thinks his precious money is going elsewhere. Anyway I'm really trying to fight the urge to send him the email with the proof of payment and booking just to basically sort him out! I don't take his money to pay anything for myself. Should I or should I not?

Do you get maintenance money from him?

@Heismyopendoor yes I do ( not much though ).

Yeah send it but just say something like here’s a copy of the receipt for your records, don’t be like here’s proof your precious money is going on your DD. It will just make things easier next x

Is it swimming? I would send it, not because you should but because it stops him accusing you of anything else

@collywobblescar yes it was a block of swimming sessions. I don't know why he even asked if it was for me aswell I thought most people would have the knowledge that a 13 month old can't go in water alone and I have to be in with her. It was a set price not separate for mum and baby. And yeah that's what I was thinking.

Is it not possible for him to do some of the lessons too? If he's paying part of the money and wants to be involved it seems like that's a reasonable request?

Although maybe it's specifically for mums and babies or something? I'm not clued up on how these things work.

On the receipt, if I was wanting to know info on costs of something and someone provided a receipt then i'd probably be glad, or at least neutral. I can't see how that would upset him, unless you add a comment to it. Just send the receipt and maybe an information page from the website or something on what exactly the course is? (or pick up a leaflet or something from the swimming pool and give it to him?)

Tell him if he's so keen he can take her for a few. Baby swimming isn't much fun, let him take her and you can have some down time

@FatherB , without knowing the ins and outs of the situation I can see why you maybe think he could be involved in it. But if I told you he only bothers seeing our DD maybe twice a month for a couple of hours and doesn't really have a relationship with her (his choice and lack of effort ) then you'd think differently. I don't see why this should mean he doesn't support or provide financially though which is why I still ask for his contribution to certain things . Also he has never took an interest in any other groups she goes too when I've told him ( the ones i pay all of ) so it seems kind of strange threat he suddenly wants to go when I ask him for any money. Seems more like he wanted to make sure I was telling the truth. Could have been genuine but who knows.

@jellybean85 that would be nice but he hardly sees her , maybe 3 hours max per month( his choice ) so i dont think DD would be comfortable or believe me i would x

The thing is, if he's asking to be involved isn't that making effort (even if it's for the wrong reasons) DD will never be comfortable at the start.

Either you call his bluff and he backs down and leaves you to it, or he goes and spends time with DD? I don't see a lose here.

However, it's your business. I was just pointing out my initial thoughts.

Pp you don't see a lost either way? What about an activity the dc with enjoy being ruined by unnecessary tension?

A child isn't a play thing that you pick up when you feel in the mood or to make sure they are taking part in swimming lessons.

The df chooses to have hardly any contact, and you think the op should keep pushing and making room for him to jump in and out.

As an experienced dm of this behaviour, I have pushed and pushed for my dc df to be involved and they can't even remember half of it, and to this day he's a flaky as he always was the only person who was affected was me, stressed to the eyeballs trying to support him be a df.
Df like this want the dm to say no because they have an excuse and
Even when you say yes half the time they don't turn up.

if he's asking to be involved isn't that making effort

No, making an effort in this situation would be having more regular contact and being involved in the not so fun bits of parenting as well.
This father was not asking if he could go to the classes because he wanted to be there, he was asking being he was suspicious of the OP and trying to call her bluff.

Yes i do see a lose when my child's father seems to only want to be involved for the wrong reasons and doesn't care any other time. That's not fair on my DD

Name changed btw incase anyone's wondering as this post could be outing x

He wont get any better.

Send the receipt for his records. Tell him when the class is and he needs to Remember his speedo.

Did you contact CMS yet about the maintenance?

@CalleighDoodle 😆 I laughed at that , and i did, he was paying under the estimated amount during our private arrangement. He's not happy about it but oh well.

Theres a surprise!