Lonely, does anyone fancy a chat?

[dayowl]

hiya, single mum here. I’ve noticed theres a few places on mumsnet for just a general chat and i wondered if anyone would like one in the lone parents section. It would be nice to make friends with some other single parents and be able to check in with everyone and have people to offload onto.

Hopefully the storm will pass tonight. I love listening to the wind. Roll on half term. And a bit of a break from it all.

Hate that ex still affects my mood. Although got a call about starting some counselling so hopefully get a better grip of things moving forward.

What has the rest of the week got in-store for everyone

Hi everyone, can I join you all please? I’m a single mum to my 2 year old ds, it’s coming up to a year now and although some things have got easier as in I can just get on with things my way, I do find it tough in other ways. I work full time and have no family nearby and only a couple of friends so it can get pretty lonely at times. It also breaks my heart that my ex won’t see his son anymore (seen him 4-5 times last year) because I won’t get back with him, I’m so emotional at the moment and just very tired😞 I was with my ex for 10 years and ds was a very longed for baby. Sorry I’m normally a very positive person and I know I’ll eventually find my mojo again. Anyway chatting to you guys will definitely help. So I did have a spray mop but didn’t really get on with it, but I like the thought of a steam mop! When ds and I moved into our new places and I got new carpets I decided to have a no shoe house. Hope you all have a good day x

unicorn one more week to go!. We don’t have much planned this week, just the daily grind. The kids’ dad is supposed to see them on Sunday but DD1 is already saying she doesn’t want to see him. I don’t know whether to force her to see him or just tell her she doesn’t have to. The thing is I worry about this and then come Sunday he’ll cancel. Counselling sounds great for you!.

Welcome sakura! This thread is making men look shit. How are you feeling today?.

@dayowl that is hard when they don't want to go. I don't say anything about visits until I absolutely know they are happening. And just give vague answers like let's wait and see. Mine are older though and aren't silly. They know their dad keeps letting them down.

These shit men have to live knowing they have let their children down. Although I know in my case he has it twisted that it's all my fault.

@Sakura03 sorry to hear you are struggling. It is ok to have down days. So long as you have good days too.

Well the sun is out here and I'm working today and tomorrow. Then done for the week.

unicorns he only has a couple of hours supervised visits a week. It’s all his doing as he was abusive, but he still thinks it’s my fault. The thing is I know he doesn’t even want to see the kids, he just does it to control me.

It’s sunny but bloody cold and windy here.

Hi everyone, wow sounds like we’re all dealing with shit exes. I haven’t been feeling very good. My mastitis got really bad. At around four this morning I woke up with so much joint pain and fever. I started on antibiotics even though I didn’t want to incase it upsets my bubs tummy. I didn’t get to sleep in the day with stuff on at my sons school so messaged baby’s dad and asked if he could spend some time with him as I’m sick and need a rest and he read the message but didn’t reply so I said I won’t bother asking next time. It’s very annoying because he’d said to ask when I need but I’ve only asked two or three times and one time he didn’t even reply at all. Then got my older son from school gave him a snack and baby was sleeping so I said please please let me have a rest and then as soon as I got to sleep he barged in to ask for more food. I can’t believe he’s so selfish with everything I do for him. I don’t think he did it to be horrible but it’s just so thoughtless and inconsiderate. Oh well hopefully I’ll get some sleep at some point

Sorry I haven’t been on, have been in the middle of moving

Hope the move is going smoothly. Happy valentines day everyone. You are all amazing. Hope everyone has a good weekend. We are visiting family.

I'm guessing this is one of the hardest nights for many on this Board.

I've just been visiting a friend. Her OH has done loads for her today, I found out she is expecting baby number 2 (we went through our first pregnancy together and had babies the same age at the same time).. and while I'm happy for her I feel so sad, and lonely, and left out of society.

I'm at a point where I could have baby number 2 if I chose to do it alone - which would be no different to baby number 1 as my ex left when I was pregnant. But there is a risk, I could make life harder for my first child. First child keeps asking whether they can have a sibling and as we don't have much family sometimes I think at least then once I'm gone they would have someone. I don't know and probably have very limited time left to choose that path.

And then beyond that, as a couple you just get so much more life sometimes. If the couple is working which obviously often it isn't.

Just thoughts. to everyone else on the LP Board tonight.

@magicrainbowbeans I completely understand how you feel about your friend’s pregnancy. A few people with kids my DS age are having their second and whilst I’m very happy for them it pains me a little as it reminds me that I would love another but can’t as I don’t have a loving partner to have a baby with.
Personally I had always said I would have a donor baby at 35 if I hadn’t had a baby and wasn’t with anyone. But with my DS not having his dad around I don’t think that I could have a donor baby, who I intentionally wasn’t giving a father, as I still feel some guilt that my DS doesn’t have a dad (though he was abusive and left when I was pregnant so we’re definitely better off without him). I’m not saying I’m against donor babies btw, I just think I could intentionally have a second child who I knew wouldn’t have the chance to have a father.

• I just don’t think I could

@Tiredtiredtired100 @magicrainbowbeans

Sorry to hear you are feeling emotional. It depends on your age. So don't be ruling out a future someone just yet. I had my dd at 40. I was very lucky to fall pg easily. I know others don't have it so lucky.

My ex had an affair when I was 35. I forgave him. Because I loved him. Our family. And wanted another baby. And I thought I was getting on blah blah.

I should of let him go then. I had time in reflection.

We went on to have our dd. I'm very blessed but only for him to do it again 10 years later.

Can

Oops sorry posted too soon! Can I join please? My 3 are the same age as yours owl. Their DF passed away just after Christmas (we were separated) and I’m slowly trying to get back to normality

@dippyeggsandham welcome, I’m sorry to hear about your children’s father dying. I can only imagine how hard that is, even though you were separated.

@unicornsarereal72 I haven’t totally ruled out another (I’m early 30s) but I just realise I’m not going to have another for some years yet and that it’s dependent on meeting someone. I don’t think I’m quite ready to date yet (need to stop breastfeeding and so I can actually get a babysitter for a start) and would want to be in a very secure relationship before having another baby I think.

What is everyone on here doing with their kids for half term? Or was it last week for some people?

@Tiredtiredtired100. Who know what's round the corner. It's a rubbish situation to be in. We all hope when we start a family we get the forever out come.

We are back home today. Dd is having her hair cut off and donating it to have wigs made for children with cancer. I did tell ex back in the summer I had spoken with her about it. I don't think it is going to go down well now she is actually doing it. But she wants to do it now. And it will grow back.

Otherwise we are home for the week. Glad it's stopped raining been a very stormy weekend.

How's everyone doing

@unicornsarereal72 that’s such a lovely thing for her to do, you have a very kind hearted daughter and should be very proud of her.

I work nights 4 nights a week and off 4.start at 5pm ends 5am.
I don't really see my 14 year old in this time as I'm gone when gets home from school and I'm a sleep in morning.
So I leave him with my old year old son. But he sleeps most of the time when gets home from work.
My 14 year old is usually awake til 12am and dosent want to get up in mornings and is late a lot.
Ive had chance to change shift to five day and finish at 10pm everynite but I prefer to have 4 days off plus I work with my partner and he dosent wanna work more 5 days either
Am I being unreasonable

Hello can I join? I have 2 little ones aged 3 and 1, we don’t see their dad anymore. I’m a young mum so I can feel really isolated

Hello @MummySharn and of course you can join. Being a single mum can be really isolating, especially if your friends are at a different life stage and don’t have kids. Do you take your kids to many groups? If not I’d really recommend it as a way to feel less isolated as you can chat to some other adults at least.

Hey @Tiredtiredtired100, it is really difficult. I only have 1 other friend who has DC, and a lot of people look down on me for being a young mum (I get nervous about posting it on here due to judgement). We go to 2 groups a week, 1 with DS and 1 with DD. I also take them swimming and have met a few mums there. I just think a lot of them don’t want to be friendly with me due to my afe

Morning everyone! It's my bday today first one since being single so just me and the kids waking up! My friends have been so sweet dropping in cards and some flowers yesterday to make it special for me I feel so lucky! And I had a date yesterday! Went pretty well so feeling quite good! Hope everyone's half term has been good? We haven't really done much as I haven't got much money atm - ex is trying to remove our rented house deposit to the tune of £3k which I will need to replace otherwise we will probably be served notice so it's all a bit up in the air and I'm really annoyed! Just trying to figure out where I stand! Just wish he would stop being an idiot now and realise making stuff harder for me just makes it worse for the kids! That I'll be our family summer holiday and all spare money gone for the next few months if he manages to get it out and will make things really tight for us!

@MummySharn i was also a young mum, not so young now I'm 31 today haha but my eldest is 10, I was 20 when I had him. What I have learnt ten years down the line is it doesn't matter what your age is that doesn't influence how good you are at parenting! My role model mum friend had her little boy at 18 and she's honestly such a great mum and I make sure I tell her all the time! For me it was confidence, I was always worried people were judging but I think I over though everything with my first! I'm 4 kids in now and pretty secure on my parenting! That and my kids are pretty awesome 🙌🏻 (other people comment too!) xx

@notjustamother Hope you have had a lovely day. My eldest can make toast and tea now. But I have to take them to the shops to buy gifts.

I love waking up in my own bed. Warm and comfy. They do presents and toast and that is enough for me.

Although we were talking today about my 50th. Eldest will be 16 then. So I'm expecting big things. 😀

Half term has been a chilled out one but we went swimming and lunch today. Time off goes too quickly.

Hope everyone is keeping ok.

Hi everyone!
I didn't think I would find myself in the position I am.... but here I am! Single Mummy to a wonderful 3 year old boy and 28 weeks pregnant with our second little boy. This would've been our 8th year together and we've been married just over a year. My husband walked out on us about 6 weeks ago. I did not see it coming. Everyone always said what an amazing couple we were, and so did we to each other. We had our issues that would flare up in arguments and both of us were guilty of not taking them seriously.... but my husband never told me he was ever close to leaving. We always spoke about what we would do if a relationship broke down (counciling etc) but he just left... and blamed it all on :( I'm the reason for this, I'm the reason for that. We had a huge eow, he stormed out to his mums house. He did it via text and then we met up (as I asked) I was inconsolable. We then met up 2 weeks later (again I arranged) and other then picking and dropping our son off that's all we've spoke about it. I've arrange couples counciling but my ex has assured me he won't change his mind. The counciling for me is more to deal with the reasons why the break up happened and out the issues to bed. He obviously had communication issues to never communicate that he was unhappy/thinking of leaving. I can't have a new baby born into this broken family with the risk of all of this escalating again when the baby is here if that makes sense.
I'm devastated. I feel like he trapped me. I always dreamt of a big family, a wedding, lots of children. Now I have a part time wage which will be maternity pay soon and I'm living at my parents. I've applied for universal credit to help but this will only just cover our outgoings. I feel so sad. I just wish we could've tried to sort this out before throwing it in the bin. Our relationship really was so lovely and he spent 8 years telling me how much he loves me and our family. :(
I don't doubt any cheating our anything like that. I know his family did not like me (for no reason as I'm not confrontational and we never fell out) they use to try and exclude me at any given opportunity. I believe they will be very supportive in our separation.
Husband is just unreconisable now. I feel like I spent 8 years knowing and loving one person and now he is someone completely different which totally different values.
Separated parents are unfortunately the norm in his family. His mum has 3 children with different dads (no relationships lasted) and his sisters also have children with multiple fathers. I'm not saying that to judge anyone in that position, just point out that I feel like he isn't taking the serverity of this seriously as it's almost normal if that makes sense.
Anyway I'm just rambling! Just wanted to say hello!

notjustamother happy belated birthday! I’m glad your date went well. I get what you’re saying about the judgement completely, in all honestly I don’t even think many people are judging, but I feel guilty so in my head I believe they are. My DC are also mixed race, so lots of people stare (which you wouldn’t expect in this day and age) and don’t think they’re mine. So some days I don’t really want to leave the house. I will get over it though.

Hope everyone’s okay, half term has been busy but nice. I’m glad yours has been chilled unicorns

I’m so sorry you’re going through that november I was also in you shoes when I became a single mum. I had a little one and was pregnant, it does get easier over time. But we’re here to help and chat ❤️