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Original poster

Why do people say "he's trying to avoid paying child support"?

95 replies

Kennyy · 03/01/2020 20:50

When a man wants 50-50 custody? He's going to pay for childcare anyway. Why should anyone pay child support then?

We don't say that to women just men.

OP posts:
lyingwanker · 03/01/2020 21:09

Because some men do only push for 50/50 access to avoid paying maintenance

amitheinan · 03/01/2020 21:11

I agree OP
Honestly and sadly, I think the men who really aren’t interested in their children would rather pay money than bother with 50/50 custody

Frankola · 03/01/2020 22:14

I agree @amitheinan I dont find it fair the man gets accused with trying not to pay for his kids.

I'm pretty sure it's harder to parent 50/50 than just pay maintenance.

PumpkinP · 04/01/2020 00:42

I agree with you op.

BestZebbie · 04/01/2020 00:44

There often seems to be some correlation between the phrase and men who don't intend to do their half of the parenting personally, but to pass the child(ren) onto a woman to do it for them (usually new partner/mother).

Whereismycatnow · 04/01/2020 00:47

Because often he doesn't pay for childcare and no one can force him to it seems. My children's father pays nothing but won't pick them up from school so on 'his days' (Which if he was paying would be deducted) I have to pay their childcare still as he simply wouldn't pick them up on time and there's nothing anyone can do!

PorpentinaScamander · 04/01/2020 00:51

My ex told me once "I'll take you to court for 50/50 custody. Then I can tell the csa to fuck off and laugh when they say I dont have to pay you" Hmm

He never did take me to court because I think he realised £7 per week was a fucking bargain compared to the actual cost of 2 DC. Not to mention actually having to parent them!

Otoh I have some single dad friends who have 50/50 custody because they want to actually parent. I think most of them also pay CS.

Original poster
Kennyy · 04/01/2020 03:48

Lyingwanker,

Why should anyone pay maintenance if you have 50-50? Do you believe that every man should pay maintenance?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kennyy · 04/01/2020 04:06

If a woman wants to be RP should we say she's trying to avoid paying maintenance? Isn't that a stupid thing to say?

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 04/01/2020 04:51

I think when there is a great disparity in wages between the parents that the NRP should pay some maintenance

HerRoyalNotness · 04/01/2020 04:53

For eg I’ve been unemployed 5 years following my Hs career around. I’d be stuffed and probably be on benefits awhile while he is a high earner

Screamqueenz · 04/01/2020 05:01

Even at 50:50 They have to pay child support, or they used to have to.

Inanothertime · 04/01/2020 05:28

I think when there is a great disparity in wages between the parents that the NRP should pay some maintenance

Surely both parents are 'resident parents' in a 50:50 split?
Tough luck for the parent who earns less. The other RP shouldn't have to subsidise them.

blackcat86 · 04/01/2020 05:31

50-50 rings alarm bells when certain men do sweet FA to parent their children within the relationship but once that relationship has ended start ranting about their rights and wanting 50-50 or full custody just to stick it to their ex. They didn't bother with their DC when the relationship was going and yet magically think they are a fantastic father (presumably because they have no idea what parenting actually involves ). I have no issues with 50-50 where both parents have been actively involved in DCs care and continue to do so.

Inanothertime · 04/01/2020 05:35

Even at 50:50 They have to pay child support, or they used to have to.

Well that's interesting.

I have 2 friends with 50:50 arrangements.
These women work & earn good money.
One has a 'retired ex' and the other a 'doesn't need to work much, has loads of savings ex'.
Neither man pays money to my friends. As is right. They have 50:50 split for their under 16 DC.

Original poster
Kennyy · 04/01/2020 12:51

Why do we even use RP/NRP terms? Shouldn't there be two RPs if you have 50-50 custody?

OP posts:
NooNooMummy · 04/01/2020 14:37

Oh @Kennyy - this old chestnut again...

NooNooMummy · 04/01/2020 14:39

You really don't want to pay maintenance @Kennyy ?

TriangleBingoBongo · 04/01/2020 14:40

The whole CMS thing is unfit for purpose.

Sux2buthen · 04/01/2020 14:46

Resident parent claims child benefit

Frenchw1fe · 04/01/2020 15:42

Good parents do what's right for the children. If the better off parent can improve they're child's life by paying a bit more why wouldn't they?

PityParty4one · 04/01/2020 15:50

Me and ex have 50:50 he earns nearly triple what I do and he pays me maintenance because he earns more and is happy to pay for his DC so that they do not miss out when with me.

ExohExohGossipgirl · 04/01/2020 16:04

My ex willingly pays me money every month - has never defaulted and gave me a 'raise' last year all in a bid to avoid parenting the boys himself. Just to put a different spin on things!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/01/2020 16:08

Because 50/50 never really means 50/50. A colleague at works exH screamed 50/50 childcare when she initiated divorce, never proceeded and won’t take his 11year old son this week because he’s broken his hand, hasn’t seen him a all over Xmas. Hmm

Original poster
Kennyy · 04/01/2020 16:10

That's a stupid comment NooNooMummy.

Why would I pay maintenance if I have 50-50? I pay for the childcare. Do you have a problem with that? Would YOU want to pay maintenance?

If you think every man should just pay maintenance then you don't have much respect for fathers. We should praise men who want 50-50. It would be much easier to just pay money and see the kids every other weekend.

OP posts: