Why do people say "he's trying to avoid paying child support"?

[Kennyy]

When a man wants 50-50 custody? He's going to pay for childcare anyway. Why should anyone pay child support then?

We don't say that to women just men.

@doublebarrellednurse I'm in the unusual position of knowing 3 men who were/are single dads it's still incredibly rare even now and 1 of those the mother died after the split and that's what led to his becoming a single dad.

The nrps in the 2 cases where mum still alive behaved just as poorly as many men do as nrps

So I definitely don't come from a perspective of being anti men I'm anti poor nrps!

Quite agree @Graphista !

I'll never quite understand the resistance to making your children's lives easier and better, or recognition that 50/50 parenting because of physical proximity is rarely the same as 50/50 actual parenting.

My son doesn't confide in his dad and never has. His dad doesn't think about school applications or helping him chose his options or any of that. I carry all the emotional load of OUR child.

Even when he had him 50:50 it wasn't actually.

Pity I'm interested in your logistics, do you have a joint account for dc expenses or divvy up receipts at the end of the month? Do you have a joint diary for appointments? Do either of you have new partners or kids? Are you friends - would you choose to hang out together without the dc?

Hi Thigh

No joint account. We have the DC 4 days on 4 days off so we pay for their daily needs when they are with us.
We pay school lunches on alternate weeks.
We both give weekly pocket money based on chores done at the same rate for each parent or extra cash if we decide to treat them as a 1 off.
We buy the DC clothes andd shoes when needed and 1 of us will pay then the other parent pays half. We always check first that the other parent is happy with the amount being spent.
Ex hates shopping and he frankly is rubbish at gift buying so at christmas usually around September he will give me his contribution to Christmas presents and I buy them all with me contributing my half.
With then share them out between the Christnas days. So half at mine half at his.

We do not share a diary but we call/text with school stuff or appointments.
We are very good friends and do occasionally hang out. I was having a rough time at work a few months ago and due to DC being elsewhere ex took me to lunch to cheer me up.

We both have new partners me for 4 years ex for 2 years. No new children as we are both past it

It has a bearing in the separation of assets.

If the dad cares enough about the kids, he would welcome the 50/50, and the additional benefits of a 50/50 are:

• he doesn’t have to pay maintenance
• the woman ends up with a much weaker claim to how the assets are split which is a disaster if the woman career has been put in the back burner to care for the kids.
• Can either parent get UC or other benefits in 50/50 cases, where neither parent is the primary carer?.

I would say however that 50/50 can work wonderfully if both parents earn about the same amount and are in very good terms.

"I think 50:50 should only EVER be considered if the childcare was 50:50 while married..... the best thing for children is to keep things consistent.” Good point "

Well the childcare doesn't have to be exactly 50:50. What does that even mean? If the childcare is 60:40 should the parents then share custody 60:40? Or 50:50?

@MotherOf3Boyss

It’s fairly self explanatory... But your being pedantic.

For example: my husband works full time plus weekends, plus on call,
I am a SAHM who does all school runs, nursery runs etc... if we divorce why would he then request 50/50 if we made this arrangement as it works best for the kids when we were married 🤔 Unless it’s to spite me of course.... which is what many do.

If you both work full time both do your fair share of school runs, booking off sick days, clubs etc then of course it makes sense for it to stay that way.

Not rocket science

Because you're expected to pay your own way and pay for your own needs. How can you do that when you have 95% of the childcare responsibility? Meanwhile he has freedom to work. Is that fair or in the best interests of the child with you?

NC4this123,

Men don't request 50/50 just to spite their ex wives.

@Kennyy oh yes they do. Speaking from experience

@NooNooMummy yeah I see your point, but even when mums work they generally fit work around the kids, not saying men are wrong not too, it’s just the way it is most the time

@Kennyy oh fuck off yes they do claim 50:50 to spite their wives.

It’s all projection.

@Kennyy the troll strikes again

Because sometimes the 50:50 is about control. My ex demanded 50:50 all the way to court, then stuck the DC in a boarding school, and insisted DC go to grandparents (200+ miles away) - all to ensure DC didnt see so much of mum. Now DC are starting to see the behaviour for what it is. So 10 years of hell vs. a lifetime of good relationship with DC. I think I came out better in the end and funnily enough I never stopped contact with the ex or wanted to. But there is no dealing with a bitter ex.

I wonder how many of us have heard in the divorce discussions ‘I want full custody’ or, I want 50:50’ and the cold harsh reality turns out to be a McDonalds once a month, if that?

What's your problem NooNooMummy? You never answer my questions you just come here to call me names.

Haven’t read the whole thread however my ex hasn’t paid any maintenance for years. Self employed so CSA/Child Maintenance Options consistently useless. I paid approx 600 per child per month nursery and still pay various before/after school fees. Not eligible for tax credits as I work full time on a decent income.

Children older now, he decided to have them 50/50. Won’t however do morning school runs or pay for wraparound so leaves it to his mother to take the kids on his mornings (fair enough) but I still have to pay for after school clubs. He does not pay for uniforms, toiletries, activities or even clothes for his house. It has caused immense problems as he expects to drop off all dirty uniform/clothes and exchange for clean. Seems to think the child benefit pays for everything even when I earn over the threshold.

Attends nothing at school - that’s all my job apparently.

Changes his days due to often having a better offer.

Apparently, it’s enough to buy them occasional toys, trainers, birthday and Christmas presents and takeaways.

If I only bought toys, trainers and takeaways and failed to ever collect them from school I’m sure Children’s Services would be at my door.

Have reported him for tax evasion but not sure they even investigated.

Oh and never covers any of the school holidays, inset days or illnesses. His job is just too important - despite seemingly not earning enough to buy essentials for his kids or pay maintenance. Such a twat.

My mate's ex actually told her he wanted 50-50 so he wouldn't have to pay maintenance. Seriously. Anyway, it never happened and now the official arrangement is Tuesdays and EOW. Except he very rarely "can do" the whole weekend. He's usually late to pick them up. He often leaves them with his own parents. He does not contribute to childcare costs.

He is an arse though. #notallmen