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Lone parents

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Original poster

DH says I am dillussional and disgusting and imagined having sex with him (twice)

23 replies

almostmidnight · 25/08/2007 16:45

Had a phone call from dh today saying he had spoken to his brother and apparently his whole family knows we had sex. I told him I had told his mum and sister once I found out his other woman was pregnant as I couldn't believe he had had sex with me knowing she was pregnant.

He said to me "how dare you talk to MY family". I asked him who am I supposed to talk to, aren't they my family too after knowing them 16 years, and why should I keep things bottled up. He said somethings are best left bottled up and I shouldn't be talking to them about my problems. I told him it was maybe time he started talking to his family then as they are there to help him too.

I phoned him back later as he sent a text saying he had bought our dd's shoes (he has the day with them and he takes them to the shoe shop - but that's another story). I asked if he had calmed down from earlier and he said no. He told me I was disgusting and dillusional to even suggest we had had sex. I think he is in denial now because he knew the girlfriend was pregnant and he is paranoid I am going to tell her so he is denying it as vemanently as he can to try and prove to himself it didn't happen. How dare he call me disgusting and dillusional after he is the one who went off and had the affair in the first place. We all know other woman got pregnant on purpose too.

I am worried he is going to crack up over all of this.

OP posts:

meandmy · 25/08/2007 16:48

take no notice of him talk to whoever you like he has no hold/controll of you

lulumama · 25/08/2007 16:49

i read your other thread, and FWIW , the sooner he is your ex, the better

he is a coward, a liar and a disgrace of a man

you are worried he is going to crack up? what about you? protect yourself, not him

whomovedmychocolate · 25/08/2007 16:49

I think you need to treat him very coldly for a while so he has a chance to get his head together. Poor gf too! I assume the two of you are separated? You need to leave him alone entirely, clearly sleeping with him isn't helping and you deserve better.

Don't worry too much about him, worry about yourself and your DD.

Rhubarb · 25/08/2007 16:50

Sorry, who had sex with who?

lulumama · 25/08/2007 16:52

why is he still your DH if he has a pregnant girlfriend?

lulumama · 25/08/2007 16:52

what i mean is, i would not be referring to him as DH, but as something like soon to be ex H !

Rhubarb · 25/08/2007 16:58

Oh I see, he is your husband, but left you for another woman, yet still slept with you and now the other woman is pregnant.

Right.

Take back some control. Obv it's not up to you to spill the beans to his girlfriend, I'm sure she'll find out sooner or later. But hey, she had an affair with a cheat so what does she expect?

You should cut all ties from this man now. If his family are offering support then gladly accept it, you have their grandchild, their niece, their cousin, so of course they are still part of your lives. Only speak to him if it concerns your dd. What he chooses to do now is not your concern. You need to get your confidence back and find yourself a man who will treat you right. So start by being selfish and treating yourself, new clothes, new hairdo. Perhaps his family can babysit whilst you go out every now and then?

He's only trying to put you down so that he can reclaim some of that control he has lost. He was having a great time, but now he stands to lose not only you, but his girlfriend too. What a shame. Hold your head up high and grab the world by it's horns!

(you must have been good though to have him coming back for more! )

persephonesnape · 25/08/2007 17:22

i don't know the history here - or where the other thread is, but i'd be crowing about it to the pregnant gf as well.

don't sleep with him again though. if it's over, then it's over - he seems to have little enough regard for you by impregnating his gf. you need to have the same regard for him, but with your dc(S?) in mind as well.

of course you can tell 'his' family your problems with him. they're your family too. i get on incredibly well with my childrens' grandparents, even if their dad can be a bit on an arse on occasion.

Aimsmum · 25/08/2007 17:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

almostmidnight · 25/08/2007 17:54

I have to say reading all your comments on Mumsnet gives me great confidence. Personally, at the moment I don't want another man but am planning on going out and having fun again. I have lost two stone over the last twelve weeks due to stress (probably would have been four if I had bottled things up) but I am not complaining because I know I am looking good again and (soon to be ex) husband commented on that the night we had sex.

A friend made me smile on Friday. Was expecting a recorded delivery I had missed on Wednesday and thought it would be something to do with eviction but when it came it was all wrapped up in pressie paper and inside was a gorgeous little tie under the chest type of cardigan (don't know what they are called officially). I had seen this in a shop in the sales but still £25 and said I would go back the next week but of course the next week they had all gone. My friend had seen the same one in the shop down where she lives and said as it was the only one left and a size 14 it was fate and had to buy it for me. She hoped it put a smile on my face.

Aren't friends amazing. I now consider you all my friends too because you all make me smile too xxxxx

OP posts:

persephonesnape · 25/08/2007 20:15

your real life friend sounds lovely. what a nice thing to do.

Nightynight · 25/08/2007 20:37

almost midnight, your ex's reaction sounds exactly like the sort of thing my ex would say. In fact, he has done his best to stop me from talking to anyone in his family since we split. And he has a handy way of denying stuff he doesnt like as well.

And YOU are worried that HE is going to crack up? yep, Ive been there too, worrying that my ex is going bonkers (he is).

we had better gather at 6pm every night and chant the mantra: he is not my responsibility, he is not my responsibility

Tinkerbel5 · 26/08/2007 10:58

almostmidnight get rid of him, as long as he is their for his children that is all that matters, he isnt your responsibility and what he said to you is disgusting, the man has no respect whatsoever, he was 50/50 part in making that baby and if he didnt want one they he would have worn a comdom, he is as much to blame as the other one so he doesnt deserve your concern.

Tinkerbel5 · 26/08/2007 10:59

looking good is the best revenge, especially when they arent allowed to touch

binkleandflip · 26/08/2007 11:09

almost, please dont have sex with him again, you look and feel better than you have for ages so let someone worth it get the benefit. He is using you for sex and that alone. Perhaps you think you are purely using him as well, but you obviously have an emotional attachment to the situation which he doesnt share.

BBBee · 26/08/2007 11:21

text him and tell him you are pregnant.

No sorry that is not very constructive is it!

I remember him saying he was confused and his behaviour is out of order in so many ways. Even if he is going to go round saying you didn't have sex you and I suspect his whole family will not believe him.

Poor twat.

(him not you)

ernest · 26/08/2007 11:40

he's had unprotected sex with her, now presumably with you too. DOn't touch him with a barge pole, for all sorts of reasons- My H was also pissed off to learn I sopken with his sister. Tough shit. You're right, they are your family too & he can't dictate who you talk to

Original poster

almostmidnight · 26/08/2007 19:49

Thanks for your messages again. Had to phone husband tonight as he had locked me out of my computer even though we agreed the computer was now mine and as I had personal things on there he wasn't to use it. Also had to ask him why my oldest dd (age 2) had mentioned his other woman by name. He tried to claim it was the name of the woman in the shoe shop. I told him I wasn't that stupid. He claims there was a picture of her in his flat. He wasn't supposed to have them at his flat.

Also asked him to never call me vile and disgusting and dillusional again. He completely denied ever having done this and told me I was mad. Can seriously say I am worried now. Not sure what to do. Can I trust him with the children on his own if he can't remember saying and doing things.

He admitted yesterday evening he can't talk about his feelings at the moment because he is scared it will bring up things from his past (he is a soldier and has been to Bosnia and Kosovo). I am seeing someone from the Army Welfare Service on Wednesday but not sure whether to take it further for his own sake or not.

OP posts:

lulumama · 26/08/2007 19:51

of course he can remember, he is pushing the blame and the guilt he is feeling onto you..trying to make you feel like you are going crazy...when in fact, he is the one in the wrong

Dropdeadfred · 26/08/2007 19:53

Are you sure it was him that sent that text and not his g/f?

Original poster

almostmidnight · 26/08/2007 21:34

He never told me that by text, it was whilst talking to me on the phone. He is either mad himself or he thinks he can turn me mad by denying things didn't happen so I start to wonder if I have imagined it all. It will never work though.

OP posts:

Ulysees · 26/08/2007 21:39

Oh that's a good idea about texting and saying you're pg muhahahahah
Ok so maybe a little dangerous but he is a total arsewipe after all.

Ulysees · 26/08/2007 21:41

ok read he sounds a bit unhinged so not such a good idea after all.
I agree about not worrying about his welfare but definitely the kids.
Hope you get something sorted hun xx

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