Ex booked a holiday for our child without asking me

[amdinc]

My ex and I share our daughter 50:50 and there is an interim court order in place (4,3,3,4) until our next hearing in March. I am trying to get an order in place where I am the resident parent and she sees him regularly, to make things more settled for her because she’s suffered bad anxiety due to spending so much time away from me. She’s 5.

He is basically a narcissist and sees anything less than exactly 50:50 as a loss for him and a win for me. It’s such a joke, he isn’t even there for a lot of the time when she’s meant to be with him he just doesn’t want to have to pay me a penny in maintenance. Our daughter is not a priority for him, she is an accessory, and he just has to win everything, every time.

Anyway, he has recently announced he has booked a holiday right across my time with our daughter during Feb half term. He’s trying to say he rang me months ago and that I agreed to this but he absolutely did not - he lies constantly and is very manipulative and he has done this before ie booking something without asking me then basically just telling me it’s going to happen so, if I say no, I look like I’m the one being unreasonable.

Am I able to say no to this? The court order doesn’t mention this holiday he’s booked because he did not tell the court about it before the order was made. So it just states the 4,3,3,4 continues in the school holidays.

It’s not that I want my daughter to miss out on a holiday, but the way he has done it is just so wrong. He constantly bullies and undermines me and I am so so sick of it. He expects just to tell me what’s going to happen and I comply without question.

I’m afraid that saying no will make me look unreasonable in court in March but I had plans for half term which I won’t be able to do if she goes on holiday with him because all the days we each have her will be different. But then I’m almost hoping he breaks the order anyway so he’ll get himself into trouble!!

Anyone have any advice? Thanks x

Great then yes get their advice they will not the circumstances inside out and can tell you the best approach. They can then draft and send out the response.

It is the best and only way of handling this. Good Luck

Agree with PP, clearly he’s already pushing the boundaries and I think it’s difficult to rely on an agreement which has already been broken. Unwilling or not. Definitely get onto your solicitors or I suspect he’ll continue with this stance.

Agree, back to solicitor for advice and letter

Thanks all 😊 x

Actually I’d stick to the formal arrangements. People like this always try and push the boundaries. If you allow yourself to get pushed on this expect it to be the new norm

It's clear that you need all communication with him to be in writing. Preferably email, otherwise WhatsApp/text message. Otherwise he will continue to make up phone calls that didn't happen or deny phone conversations that did happen.

Swirlygirl
AnotherEmma thanks, yes exactly, all coms have been in writing for months- he still tries to make things up! Thanks ladies x

The biggest joke is that the last holiday I went on, I checked the dates with him first and he agreed, I booked it, then he forgot and left our daughter with his mum for a week, because he was in London, then went round telling as many people as possible that I had gone on holiday without telling anyone and dumped her with his mum!

@amdinc Bloody hell! They have absolutely no shame! They lie like 5 year olds too.

Hope you get this sorted without too much stress. X

BreatheAndFocus I know, it would be utterly laughable if I didn’t have to deal with it constantly! Thanks so much, sounds like you know exactly what it’s like too so I hope things are settled for you x

50-50 is a great way for both parents to be involved. It's sad that you're trying to change it. Anything less than 50-50 IS a loss for him. What kind of living arrangement would you like to have then? Every other weekend?

You say he doesn't want to pay maintenance but he's already paying childcare anyway so why should he pay to you?