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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Choosing a surname

62 replies

1Micem0use · 08/12/2019 22:16

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and having a real tough time trying to decide what surname to give baby. His father has not supported me through this pregnancy. It was unplanned and due to a contraceptive failure, condom. He refuses to legally acknowledge baby and wants a dna test. Even though it's ridiculous. Sadly no possibility of anyone else as wasnt seeing anyone else.
Anyway he wanted baby to have just his surname. Apparently all the single mothers in his family do this.
Now that's not happening, but I am torn between a double barrelled surname of both our last names, or just my surname on it's own.
For extra info He has so far given me no emotional or financial support. Wont legally acknowledge baby which would give him joint citizenship. And tried to coerce me into having an unsafe illegal abortion in the country we both used to work and live. Is not going to take paternity leave to visit baby.
Not sure it's in babys best interests to have this mans surname as part of his surname.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CodenameVillanelle · 08/12/2019 22:18

Um just yours obviously, why on earth would you put his in anywhere?

Bibbidybobbitysplated · 08/12/2019 22:19

Just yours

AdriannaP · 08/12/2019 22:20

Just yours!

dementedpixie · 08/12/2019 22:21

Give the baby your surname

peardrops1 · 08/12/2019 22:23

Obviously just yours!

Pixilicious · 08/12/2019 22:23

Definitely just yours

twoturtledove · 08/12/2019 22:23

Don't even consider his name!

PizzaExpressWoking · 08/12/2019 22:23

Holy shit, is this for real?!

Just yours!!!!!

beela · 08/12/2019 22:23

What? Just yours!

Peony99 · 08/12/2019 22:23

Wow, what a twat he is. Sorry you're in this situation.

Just yours.

TreeSwayer · 08/12/2019 22:24

Just yours. Only yours. Do not add his at all, even as a double barrel.

isaidaflip · 08/12/2019 22:25

Just yours! It can always be changed at a later date if you want to add his name.

DesMartinsPetCat · 08/12/2019 22:25

Why are you giving this a second of thought? Your name only.

megletthesecond · 08/12/2019 22:26

Yours. Yours. Yours. Yours.

Mine have xp's surname and it's a pain in the backside.

firstimemamma · 08/12/2019 22:26

Nothing to be 'torn' over. Just give the baby your surname.

NobJobWinker · 08/12/2019 22:26

Just your own 100%

Cant think of a single benefit to going double barrelled

Original poster

1Micem0use · 08/12/2019 22:31

Thank you everyone :) I was beating myself up a bit thinking perhaps I was being selfish. Trying to think what's best for baby, babys identity.
But yes giving him just my surname is what i want. It'll make things easier for me, less hassle at the airport, more easily identifiable at schools doctors as his mother if we share the exact same surname.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 08/12/2019 22:47

Yes yours .

This man is not thinking about your baby . Go register on your own give baby your surname .

Apply to cms for maintenance. It won’t be backdated . It starts from the day you claim .

He doesn’t need to be on bc to claim

morriseysquif · 08/12/2019 22:51

Anyway he wanted baby to have just his surname. Apparently all the single mothers in his family do this.

Well, you can see where he's coming from and don't need to join them.

Lonecatwithkitten · 08/12/2019 22:53

He refuses to legally acknowledge the baby and wants a DNA test. How then does he think this baby should take his name?
He's not going to go to the registry office is he, because he is going to make it as hard as possible for you to claim maintenance. So give your baby what ever name you would like.

Original poster

1Micem0use · 08/12/2019 22:54

Thank you for your advice.
Ill be registering the birth on my own regardless. Hes a canadian citizen living and working in South Korea. I gave him the option of filling out paperwork to legally acknowledge paternity and be on BC, which I could've submitted without needing him to be there. He refused.
I've already contacted CMS and REMO about maintainence. Nothing CMS can do. REMO cant do anything until hes back in Canada or another REMO country.
I'm financially stable though. This isn't about money.

OP posts:

Original poster

1Micem0use · 08/12/2019 22:56

Yes I'm sure he knows the baby is his, and refusing to legally acknowledge him and this ridiculous request for a dna test (only wants a non legally binding peace of mind one) is down to trying to avoid being held legally accountable for anything.

OP posts:

Passtherioja · 08/12/2019 22:57

Just yours. Keep strong because he'll try to talk you round but don't give in!

Original poster

1Micem0use · 08/12/2019 22:59

But he still wants baby to have just his surname name. Kicked up a fuss when I said babys middle names would be my recently late father and grandfathers names, and that this wasnt up for discussion but that I'd discuss first names and consider double barrelling. He wants all the say in everything, and tells me I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:

1066vegan · 08/12/2019 23:03

I live with my dd's dad (and have done for over 20 years), but we're not married and dd has my surname.

Under your circumstances, there's no way I'd even consider giving your dc anything other than your surname. After that total lack if support, he's got a nerve to ask you to use his name.

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