Choosing a surname

[1Micem0use]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and having a real tough time trying to decide what surname to give baby. His father has not supported me through this pregnancy. It was unplanned and due to a contraceptive failure, condom. He refuses to legally acknowledge baby and wants a dna test. Even though it's ridiculous. Sadly no possibility of anyone else as wasnt seeing anyone else.
Anyway he wanted baby to have just his surname. Apparently all the single mothers in his family do this.
Now that's not happening, but I am torn between a double barrelled surname of both our last names, or just my surname on it's own.
For extra info He has so far given me no emotional or financial support. Wont legally acknowledge baby which would give him joint citizenship. And tried to coerce me into having an unsafe illegal abortion in the country we both used to work and live. Is not going to take paternity leave to visit baby.
Not sure it's in babys best interests to have this mans surname as part of his surname.

My DM was in your position. She gave me my sperm-donor's surname (well, there was apparently some shenanigans from him around it). It's a name I have zero pride in. I'm feeling that if I ever get famous chances are he'll come out of the woodwork and poke his nose in somehow. (I've been meaning to change it). It was also a practical nuisance - we've both been addressed by the wrong name on many occasions, and it meant mail redirection cost more whenever we moved.

I say give your child your surname.

Why are you still in contact with this person?

Thank you for your perspective. That does make me feel a lot better about choosing to give baby just my surname

I get your desire to want it .

Skype contact is completely pointless at this age . Baby can’t even focus to see anything .

Sadly baby is unlikely to see dad and unlikely to have a bond . Certainly unlikely to be a person he would go to for advice. I concerned myself been a Lp with a boy but we are really close . He benefits from positive male role models but is able to talk to me .

You give advice to your dc as any dm would regardless of colour.
My ds is gay. I have no experience of that but still parent him just fine!
Another of my dc has mh issues. Again no experience but we manage.
Your ex is a twat.
And you will manage more than fine alone.

Absolutely just your surname.

If you wanted to appear cooperative you could add his as a middle name (not double barrelled or surname) but he's an arse so doesn't deserve even that.

Oh my goodness, why on earth would you want any reminder of this utter berk in your life?

Trying to think what's best for baby, babys identity.

If your child grows up and decides that they want their father's surname (they won't, trust me), they always have the option of changing to his surname or adding it to your surname via deed poll. You are not being selfish or depriving your child of ANYTHING.

Thank you all :)

if you put him on the birth certificate, you do realise he could take your child abroad and not return him?

he has parental responsibility (rights fwiw)!, and can take him

do not put him on and also give him YOUR last name. Personally, if you are not married ibelieve the child should always have the mothers name . but thats entirely another debate!

The idea of him having PR is horrifying.
However I couldn't put him on the birth certificate even if I wanted to. He's refused to sign an acknowledgement of paternity form, and he won't be attending the registration, as he's the other side of the world and doesn't want to legally acknowledge dc.

I get how you feel about the father being black and you not being able to provide your child with that cultural and racial understand. I am in that position as the white mother of a child whose father is black but has never even met him after turning violent when I refused to terminate. Honestly though, I think you can provide black role models for your child who are much more positive than his father sounds.

Stay traditional.

Babies have their mother's surname.

(If married that (probably) is also the father's)