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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Dreaded Christmas contact

15 replies

maybelle4 · 05/12/2019 09:10

Long time reader but new poster. Anyone have any suggestions for whether contact can happen on Christmas Day given no where is open. Ex’s house isn’t suitable and I’d rather he didn’t come to mine.

OP posts:

Original poster

maybelle4 · 05/12/2019 09:20

I should add child is a young toddler so park etc isn’t suitable

OP posts:

CloudyVanilla · 05/12/2019 09:27

Sorry you're in a stressful situation :( would you be comfortable being around him for a few hours? Is going round to grandparents, on his or your side, an option?

CloudyVanilla · 05/12/2019 09:28

Failing that I would insist on boxing day or Christmas eve contact instead, and a face time on Christmas day if you think your DD won't be upset. Or else a christmas meal at a restaurant open the day paid for by him!

RandomMess · 05/12/2019 09:29

Is It court ordered contact for CD itself?

Original poster

maybelle4 · 05/12/2019 10:04

My family have suggested they’d be happy for contact to happen at their house as long as it wasn’t for long so I will suggest that but I don’t imagine ex will be happy with going there. His parents house is not suitable.
I hadn’t thought of a restaurant that might be open, thankyou, I’ll investigate that.

OP posts:

carly2803 · 05/12/2019 11:56

pubs are open christmas day.

You could go to a local place(mabey with a soft play?), on the pretence of a drink? dont stay long etc and go once hes seen his dad?

just a thought

FatherB · 05/12/2019 15:41

Why is ex's house and parents house unsuitable? Is it genuinely dangerous for her to be there for a short amount of time or is this something you've just decided?

I imagine the breakup isn't amicable based on the fact you don't want him at yours so it makes sense he won't want to be at your relatives. Especially if that's the only option you're allowing him and it cuts down his contact time.

A meal sounds like a good idea, but it will be tough to book a table (potentially) i'd get on that pretty quick if that was the plan.

I think it's important for DD to spend time with both families on christmas, if possible. I imagine there's more to the story then written here, but what most posters miss is that there are two sides here presumably disagreeing with each other and trying to negotiate contact and difficult discussions that they don't want to do. It's easy to get lost focusing on the other person and forget DC's wishes.

Maybe i've completely misread this and there's a tonne of reasons behind everything and if so I apologise in advance but it sounds like since it's a one day thing you just need to compromise and find some common ground that works best for DD. It'll be over before you know it and everyone's happy.

Original poster

maybelle4 · 05/12/2019 17:31

@FatherB Thankyou for being so polite and open with the way you phrased your message and for not attacking me. Like you’ve guessed there is tonnes more than is in this thread and the situation is far from as simple as ‘it’ll be over before you know it just get over it for one day’ Christmas contact may not happen at all depending on court decisions, I just wanted to have some back up suggestions should I need to make some

OP posts:

FatherB · 05/12/2019 18:21

Sorry if my phrasing was bad, my first sentence read back a lot more hostile than I meant it to. Ah ok then if there's other things happening behind the scenes it's a lot harder to give advice.

If there is any sort of agreement or court order in place and court is still going on (is it likely to be dealt with before christmas?) then my suggestion would be to follow through with things as best as possible. The moment you don't it will be used against you in court.

If there isn't an agreement right now and court is being used to come to an arrangement, then that's much more down to you. I would still recommend trying to work something out if you can because it will show the court you're doing best for dd. It also gives you a chance to say what didn't work or what was difficult.

If there's risk of abuse or harm then that's a safeguarding issue for either yourself and/or dd and at that point supervised contact or video calls are better options.

So it really depends on the situation (as bad a response as that is). I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for christmas.

carly2803 · 05/12/2019 21:54

just to also add, i do not agree with "getting over it" for one day.

Its disrespectful.

I hope you find neutral ground OP, it is not easy!

Starlight456 · 07/12/2019 07:56

Restaurants will be very expensive our local had a sign outside . Only £59.95 for Xmas lunch .

I think the fact you do have a practical suggestion . He doesn’t have to like it. He could come up with an alternative.

Can I ask what he is doing now for contact?

Original poster

maybelle4 · 08/12/2019 13:48

Contact is in a contact centre currently

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 08/12/2019 16:27

My Ds had contact in a contact centre . He didn’t have the option of contact over Christmas .

The next year he had refused contact centre . I took my Ds to a pub with soft play , grandmother came as well. I told grandparent to talk to my ex tell him if he was in anyway aggressive to me I would take Ds and leave but it wasn’t Christmas Day

Original poster

maybelle4 · 12/12/2019 19:11

Thankyou for all your help, had court today and thankfully contact hasn’t been granted at Christmas so I can now relax! Hope you all have a lovely Christmas whatever you’re doing!

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 12/12/2019 21:20

Great result . You can focus on enjoying Christmas now

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