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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Court date upcoming

74 replies

gemmal4625 · 28/09/2019 22:35

Hello everyone

I'm a new member and wondered if I could get advice of anyone who has been through something similar or just has knowledge of the situation I'm in.

My partner left me last year, we have a 3 year old daughter together and I'm allowing him to see her every other weekend at the moment as well as a day during the week most weeks.

He wants more and has pestered me month after month after month for this. I don't want him to have anymore time than he has as we live 30 odd miles away and don't think it's fair that my child has to go up and down the motorway all the time and also she has pre school 2 days a week and also goes swimming with me for another morning!

He has been adamant that he wants an overnight stay in the week as his job will let him have a day off and condense his hours.

Long story short we've been through mediation where we didn't agree and anything and we are now barely on speaking terms!

He is now taking me to court and is asking for an overnight stay in the week with him dropping her off the following day at bedtime, he also wants to take her away for a weeks holiday which would break me!

Our court date is in the next few weeks and I'm just worried what the outcome might be, has anyone had anything similar, I have taken brief legal advice but I don't want to plunge £1000's of my daughters eventual inheritance into an expensive legal battle! I don't think my ex has a solicitor either but I don't know for sure!

Does anyone have any similar experiences they can share with me of what I'm likely to expect to happen?
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
G

OP posts:

Teenangels · 01/10/2019 19:12

You are being completely unreasonable, you can’t imagine not seeing your child, when that is exactly what you are doing to your ex? I hope that he goes for 50/50 because he seems to have a great family around him when he is at work.

Choice4567 · 01/10/2019 19:16

Which days does she attend pre school? Would he be picking her up from there and then having her the next day?

MrMeSeeks · 01/10/2019 19:32

Im sorry but hopefully he wins his request.
He is not being unreasonable.
Your whole post is how you feel, not your little one.
Your ex rightly ( and thankfully!) wants a good relationship with his child ( you see the countless threads on here where the dads don’t bother!)yet you don’t want to facilitate it.
Yes it will be hard for you at first, but your child will be fine( you say he is a good dad).
Please rethink this, do you really want to be in and out of court, it would be easier ( and less stressful!) to get on with him and have a good relationship.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 01/10/2019 19:46

Youre the unreasonable one OP

30 miles is nothing. The starting point should be 50/50 custody - I hope he wins the court case

happycamper11 · 02/10/2019 03:27

Unless there are welfare concerns then a judge will almost certainly allow this. It's very reasonable. Obviously it will need re addressed when she starts school. Re the holiday Unfortunately it's not about whether it will break you, court doesn't care about that. I assume you are able to take her on holiday and he has equal PR. I know the late nights are annoying dd is 6 and she's left up til 1am at times let alone an hour but again differing parenting styles aren't a concern of the courts. Personally I'd save yourself the money and the tie of a court order and allow this before it's enforced on you anyway

RebootYourEngine · 02/10/2019 04:19

If there are no concerns about his care of your child and he isn't doing it to spite you then try and see it from his point of view.

He has a child who he loves and wants to spend time with. It must break him not seeing his child as often as he wants.

He will be feeling the same feelings as you about missing your child.

Original poster

gemmal4625 · 02/10/2019 08:59

She attends ore school on a Tue/thu/fri morning!
I take her ballet on Monday and swimming Wednesday! So her week is pretty full.
Her dad wants to have her every Tuesday night and Wednesday day, so she would miss out on her swimming with me, and also apparently he now wants his alternate weekends to be Friday pm -Monday morning as his work have approved a late shift!
He also wants to be able to take her on holiday for a week this year as she hasn't been away!
I have taken legal advice and found out that he's representing himself! No idea what the outcome will be, just never thought it would get to this stage, my hearing is on monday!

OP posts:

Choice4567 · 02/10/2019 09:12

But that all sounds quite reasonable on his part...

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/10/2019 09:17

He sounds like he is being very reasonable. Nothing you have said indicates he isn't a good parent. Their relationship is more important than swimming lessons. I know it is hard but you need to co-parent not treat him as a distant relative who likes your child and is useful to have around.

NorthernSpirit · 02/10/2019 09:18

All sounds very reasonable on the fathers part.

The judge will deem spending time with the father is more important than a swimming class.

Clangus00 · 02/10/2019 09:24

He’s going to be allowed what he’s requesting in your latest update. Dad can take her to the swimming pool too.

whatthehek · 02/10/2019 09:27

That sounds more than reasonable. At least he's not asking for every weekend...

Swimming isn't a necessity at this age so not sure the courts will see that as a reason to not see her dad.

titchy · 02/10/2019 09:30

No idea what the outcome will be

Hopefully he'll get exactly what he wants given that his proposal is very child-centred and in her best interests...

Doyoumind · 02/10/2019 09:33

I think you need to show you are willing to compromise and also that you are considering what happens in the future, as I said upthread.

If she is starting school next September, your contact plan or court order needs to take that into consideration. Is it practical for him to get her to school on a Wednesday or Monday morning? I think if you agree to a Tuesday overnight you could potentially get agreement for the weekend to be until Sunday evening only.

All of your arguments need to be focused only on what is best for your DD and not how it will impact on you. That's really important, otherwise the court will not be interested.

Are you also aware that unless you come to an agreement between yourselves that Monday won't be your final time in court and you won't be getting this finalised then? Also, the court doesn't decide on a detailed plan. They will rule on issues you can't agree on. The best thing you can do is be prepared with a lot of detail about what your proposed contact would look like and where compromises can be made. If you don't do that the CAO will have holes in it and you will end up back in court.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 02/10/2019 09:48

@gemmal4625
Why are you against him taking her on holiday?

Original poster

gemmal4625 · 02/10/2019 10:25

Because my daughter has never been away from me for more than 2 nights, so I just think it's too much for him to all of a sudden request a whole week and take her somewhere she's not familiar with!

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 02/10/2019 10:29

OP, I understand the way you are feeling but you aren't listening to the advice you are being given. He will be awarded a holiday with DD. How about suggesting it doesn't happen until X date e.g. next summer, when she will be a bit older?

happycamper11 · 02/10/2019 10:48

The best thing to do for your daughters sake is build up contact a bit prior to a holiday as it's almost certain he will be awarded this. My ex was awarded 1/3 of all holidays including the summer and dc had only ever spent one night with him 2 or 3 times at this point. He may well have got more but that's all he requested

Clangus00 · 02/10/2019 10:53

If you try to prevent him taking his daughter on holiday, he can do the same to you, especially if you want (and will need) his permission to take her abroad.
I'd tread carefully here.

SaireyDog · 02/10/2019 10:59

It's not about what you want op...children have rights. The right to a family life (with both parents!) is one of them.

catspyjamas123 · 02/10/2019 11:07

If he cares so much why is he living 30 miles away? Depending on where you live that might he 30minutes to two or three hours travelling! Hasn’t he got options that are closer? An involved dad would live near to his child.

Yes she needs a relationship with her dad but she isn’t a toy or a pet and she is only three. Kids this age can suffer massive separation anxiety. How is she when she’s with him?

MustardScreams · 02/10/2019 11:12

Christ I’ve never read a more self-centred post in my life. Not once do you mention what is good for your dd, what her needs are. Yes spending a week away from your child is hard, so imagine how her dad feels.

The judge is going to come down hard on you, and I hope your ex gets his very reasonable requests, including holidays. Withholding a child contact from their parent because YOU don’t like it is despicable.

Clangus00 · 02/10/2019 11:37

@catspyjamas123 maybe the mother moved away with the child?

catspyjamas123 · 02/10/2019 11:40

Well that’s something we don’t know at the moment.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/10/2019 11:42

@catspyjamas123, are you the OP?

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