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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Passport experience

26 replies

SpideyMom · 13/09/2019 19:04

My sons dad has been absent from him left for 4 years. He has turned 5 not long ago. His dad is on the BC but I made the decision to raise my child using my surname because I do not see why he should live with a name he has no attachment to. Neither his dad or his family have made any effort in all those years.

I travel abroad and take his BC without issue.
However I was just wondering, what would happen if he was asked what his name was and he gave a different surname to what is on his passport? Would it stop us from travelling?

I'm hoping I don't get any of the 'you shouldn't raise your child with a different surname' replies. I made the decision and still to this day I believe I have made the right choice.

Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dementedpixie · 13/09/2019 19:06

So is the name on the passport different to the birth certificate?

chopc · 13/09/2019 19:06

Why don't you change his name by deed poll and change it on his passport too? Then no problems anywhere.

Your ticket name needs to be in the passport name

dementedpixie · 13/09/2019 19:08

She would need permission from the father to change the name by deed poll as he is on the birth certificate so has parental responsibility

Original poster

SpideyMom · 13/09/2019 19:16

No his passport is in his BC name. I am not contacting the dad for his permission. He has made his choice.
I just mean now my son is able to answer questions what would happen if he gave the name he uses day to day which is different to his passport name

OP posts:

shakingthetree · 14/09/2019 11:57

You have to have your ex’s permission to travel so you would likely be refused to many countries without this. If he’s absent you can apply for something which acknowledges this and gives you full parental responsibility. You can also change the name this way if there’s no contact at all.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 14/09/2019 12:19

The law is an absolute joke. Giving an absent parent any say over a child they have chosen to have absolutely no contact with does not make any sense to me at all.
I've travelled with his BC nearly ever year now. A few questions but nothing major. I just don't want me son confused if he ever got asked

OP posts:

shakingthetree · 14/09/2019 12:47

They don’t have a say but you have to get that agreed officially then you’ll never have a problem again. How does a border patrol person know the ins and outs of the relationship?

Legally you need permission from the father to take a child out of the country so unless you have a letter you won’t be able to travel. Luckily no-one has stopped you so far but one day they probably will so best to get it sorted

shakingthetree · 14/09/2019 12:48

www.mumsnet.com/travel/travelling-with-a-child-with-a-different-surname

HollyBollyBooBoo · 14/09/2019 12:53

My ExH and I have travelled independently with DD for years and have never once been asked any questions or had to have permission from one another. Maybe we've just been lucky?

dementedpixie · 14/09/2019 12:54

It's not even about having a different surname. Even with the same surname, in theory, you need permission to go abroad. You could go to court to get permission too

Sweetpeach3 · 14/09/2019 12:55

Don't think it would matter as kids sometimes get called their middle names and things. You will be fine xxx

Original poster

SpideyMom · 15/09/2019 07:59

So after speaking to my sister I decided to email him.

It's an active email as not many months ago my email got hacked and sent emails out to everyone I had ever emailled. Him being one of them. He did reply but asked about the dog, no mention of his son.

My sister basically asked the question 'why would he say no when he has made no attempt to have a relationship with his son?' which made sense. So I kept my email short, polite and what I feel is best for my child.

I doubt very much he will reply as its a way of keeping control over me

OP posts:

Mummylanie3 · 15/09/2019 18:05

@spideymom go see I solicitor about changing name via deed poll I did my son's without his dad's permission we put on forms we had had no contact in years and they granted the change it was quite easy actually x

Original poster

SpideyMom · 15/09/2019 19:11

Really @Mummylanie30 did it cost alot? And will the passport office accept the change without his permission or a court order or is that what you have? Passport office told me the other day that they will only accept the change with consent or a court order. A deedpoll is not enough and they would expect me to change it back if I don't have either. I was shocked.

Alot of people will say its just a name, but my son associates his surname with his family. Whenever he is asked his name he gives it in full very proudly.

I know it's early days but no reply from his dad just as I had expected to be honest. It doesn't make sense to me why he would want to be awkward when he has had nothing to do with his son.

OP posts:

PumpkinP · 15/09/2019 22:36

I was also told the passport office would not accept it. I won’t be asking my ex if I go abroad as I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction I’ve been told to just carry birth certificate. Hope you get a response

Original poster

SpideyMom · 15/09/2019 23:50

@PumpkinP oh trust me it was hard emailing him. But I suppose it shows I have tried. Knowing the kind of man he is, he will be loving this control he now has. My sister doesn't believe this because he has chosen to be absent for all these years, so why would he want any control, but I guarantee it's defo about him having control and he will love getting my email and knowing I will be waiting for a response that is most likely never going to come.

I honestly feel it is in my childs best interests now, he will change it anyway when he is 16 as its the name he will have been known by his entire life. If only his Dad could see it the same way.

When I spoke to the passport office I became really annoyed. I did it annonomously. When the lady said if a deedpoll is produced but not with PR consent or a court order they will reject the application altogether until the name is changed back I was absolutely shocked, because his BC still shows his birth name which is the name he has always used to travel with.

I have sought legal advice in the past and have always been advised against a court order as he is already absent so they would deem it pointless.

I guess I just wanted to change it legally and properly as my DS has chosen and is comfortable with his name. He understands it is our family name. My worry is what if at passport control they asked him his name and he obviously gives a surname different to his passport. Would they stop him from travelling? I've never really worried about it before because ive carried his BC, this year I wasn't even asked to show it whereas normally we have been stopped and once interviewed on our first holiday.

I just wish there was a law that if a parent has been absent after a certain amount of time then they lose their PR rights. It doesn't make sense just because they are named as dad as it doesn't mean they stick around

OP posts:

PumpkinP · 16/09/2019 10:21

There should definitely be a law about absent parents losing PR. My ex would be the same, he would point blank refuse, despite not seeing them and I would hate for him to think he has any control over me. Mine is slightly different as my dd has my name and exes surname but not double barrelled so I’ve just dropped his though it obviously does pop up now and again and I wish I could get rid of it completely but been told no by a solicitor not without permission apparently! I’ve known of people to apply to court to get their surname added and it’s been successful, could you try that? Then just drop his name. That way if your son is asked it’s still part of his name.

Justgivemesomepeace · 16/09/2019 10:27

Ive travelled for the last 16 yrs with my daughter with a different surname and never ever been questioned.
We have never been contacted by anyone regarding DSD when shes been travelling with her mum with a different surname.
I am aware from mumsnet this could possibly happen but it never has.
Id just take the BC then theres no issue.

Hiphopopotamous · 16/09/2019 10:29

I know it's not the same but I use my maiden name for work, I have a page in my passport that says "also known as Hip Hop", I wonder if you could do similar?

fitzbilly · 16/09/2019 10:35

I really think you are over worrying. Legally you are allowed to call yourself anything, so it doesn't matter if he says his name and it doesn't match the passport. It will not prevent him traveling.

And I have traveled for over 16 yes now alone with children and no one has ever asked if I have permission from their father.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 16/09/2019 10:43

Hi, you are probably very right, I am overworrying but I guess that's following the conversation with the passport office.

I have travelled with him 3 times, it is only this year where they didn't even request to see his BC. The first time, I was interviewed going out, and questioned on return about my relationship to him. The second time the questions were more casual. I get it, but I am listed as his mom on the BC and he isn't the only child that will have a different surname. We are the spitting image of each other too so its not difficult to see we are mother and son

OP posts:

shakingthetree · 16/09/2019 13:24

It’s not so much that they think you’re not mother and son but that it is actually illegal to take a child out of the country (including to Scotland my solicitor informed me!) without permission from the other parent.

My understanding was a court order could give you sole parental responsibility to avoid this.

Were you married and is he on the birth certificate.

Original poster

SpideyMom · 16/09/2019 14:02

no we were never married. The day he was registered he disappeared for a number of weeks and that became our life.

The legal advice I got was that a court order would be silly as he has already made his choice to be absent, and he would have to apply to court to stop us, but there is no judge that would deprive a child of a chance of a holiday. That isnt to say I can break to law but it isnt so black and white as in no permission, no travel.

I keep seeing that it is a criminal offense taking your child away without the other parents consent. My own case is not the same as all cases, so I can only speak from my own experience, but he is completely absent with no contact. Sure that is more of a criminal offence (abandoning your child) than a parent taking their child on holiday

OP posts:

sandyvacancy · 16/09/2019 14:19

Unfortunately that’s not the case - it’s not illegal to not see your child but it is of course illegal to not pay for their maintenance.

If you weren’t married but he was on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility. If he’s not then he doesn’t. If he does I’d suggest getting a court order to remove his PR.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/legal-help-and-responsibilities/parental-responsibility/

PumpkinP · 16/09/2019 14:40

I don’t think it’s illegal to not pay maintenance, my ex hasn’t paid in over 5 years. Nothing happens to him though.

Any reply to your email op?

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