Thinking of Abandoning your Wife and Child? Here’s what you need to know.

[Adviceshop]

1 – will I have to pay maintenance to my ex?
A: Yes – you will have to pay 16% of your gross salary (after pension deductions)
2 – So if I increase my pension contributions my maintenance will go down?
A: Yes.

1. My child is in nursery as we both work – will I have to pay half towards childcare?

A: No, not at all. If your ex wishes to continue working she will have to pay it all.

1. But won’t I have to have the child half the time and pay for my half when I have them?

A: Not if you don’t want to, no. You can just see the child at weekends and explain you can’t have them in the week because you work.

1. Is there a minimum amount of time I will need to see my child?

A: Again, no, you can see your child as little as you wish.

1. What if my ex won’t let me see my child?

A: You can take her to court to force her to allow you to see the child

1. Can my ex take me to court to force me to see the child more regularly?

A: Not at all, no, this is not available as an option.

1. Can I move away from my ex and child?

A: Certainly. In fact, if you move a long distance away you can apply for a “variation” to your child maintenance so that you pay less. You can say this is because you are incurring costs in visiting your child.

1. So I would have to prove that I was incurring these costs to get the variation?

A: Not really no. Keep the receipts from one trip and say that you’re making that same trip every month, even if you’re not. 10. Can my ex move away with my child? A: Yes, but you can apply for a court order to stop her. 11. Can she apply for a court order to stop me moving away? A: No, of course not. 12. Won’t my leaving have an adverse effect on my child? A: Probably, but your ex will probably do everything in her power to minimise the ill effects. 13. How can I be sure my child will be looked after? A: If your ex neglects your child she will be punished by the state. If it gets really bad your child will be taken into care and looked after by the state. 14. Can the state make me take my child back? A: No, not at all. 15. Won’t society think badly of me for doing this? A: Possibly at first. Explain how unhappy you were. If you see your child a few times a year and pay the minimum maintenance then eventually you will be called “A Good Dad”.

It makes me terribly angry for me, and terribly sad for my DC. How can they live with themselves?!
We deserve better child support legislation. Society hasn't adapted to this and it needs to.

If the relationship with your child's mother ended because of your cheating deny deny deny...even though the child conceived in that affair was born 7 months after the relationship ending!

Don't worry about remembering to organise annual leave, transport and other arrangements to see your child as arranged...that's dogsbodys work which can be dealt with by your ex and your current partner. And if they don't, kick off and blame them and tell your kid their mother is stopping you from seeing them.

Don't worry about turning up pissed to collect your kid, if your ex won't let you drive the child drunk she is being unreasonable and you can again tell your kid their mother is stopping you seeing them.

June2007 women who are nrps can be and are just as bad, but let's be honest it's mostly men that pull this shit!

Over 90% of RP are women and even the majority in cases like mine where I was the main earner. Sorry but no excuse for not paying maintenance and being a parent to your kids.

Great post. It true you forgot to mention if he goes on to have further children either step children or biological. He pays less maintenance.

This could do with being pinned to Relationships and Divorce boards

Surely he doesn’t have to pay CM because he never wanted children anyway?

" Over 90% of RP are women and even the majority in cases like mine where I was the main earner. Sorry but no excuse for not paying maintenance and being a parent to your kids. "

Like I said if you DON'T WANT TO BE RP you should pay child support.

Take a mid life gap year or two and go travelling. That's fine. No need to pay child maintenance.

Stop the maintenance to pay for the divorce has to be one of my favourites.
Don’t worry, CSA is not back tracked from when you stopped paying.

Promise to take your child away during your contact time, but demand half the cost from your exW. And when she refuses, tell the said child her mother is a bitch and refuse to go on holiday altogether, an send the kid back home to her mother.

Bravo OP. This post should be a sticky.

I've got one:

Q: Can I reduce my divorce settlement without actually having to parent full time?

A: Oh, absolutely. Just get a child arrangements order that you will have joint residency and parent 50/50 - you can then use this to reduce the settlement. Don't worry about the parenting, you can plead work commitments and simply leave the children with the mother - she's not going to abandon them to child services, now, is she? The divorce settlement cannot be reopened! 🎉

Remember to complain you don't get father's day cards, even though you don't send Christmas or birthday cards.

Tell your new gf you split with your ex because you work too hard. Mwa ha ha

Remember to proudly display any important milestones that you made zero contribution to and don't forget to walk dd down the aisle photo op there for your FB page.

Don't forget that you can brand your ex, 'bat shit crazy' for the rest of the time. Without question everyone will believe you. You can tell them all what a terrible human being she is in every way.

Don't worry though, this doesn't mean you will have to parent your children. They are fine being left with your 'crazy, abusive' ex.

That's a good point lunar forgot about being batshit. Every man who tells you his ex is crazy has a sensible woman running for the hills.

The sad thing is though, you could possibly force money out of them. But you can't force them to love your child.

I think with a lot of men if they no longer want the mother, they don't want the child either.

Love it.
( although the pattern of responses suggests we were all married to the same man at some point)

Little extra. If you are a woman who leaves your husband and kids take a lot of money including your children's savings and spend them on a home for you and your boyfriend. He already has a house with his wife so you need to pay for his second home with you so he can split himself 50/50 with you and his wife. Keep nothing in your house for your kids and make them sleep on the floor. Wonder why they stop seeing you at eighteen.

The best and most accurate post I have ever come across. This needs to reach the “fathers”.

If my DS had a child and acted like this if he got divorced I would be so ashamed of him.

Mine was horrified that I claimed maintenance, told children I was taking his money, and immediately upped his pension contribution- how did that ever become an ok get out clause? They can load up their pensions and get out 20(25?)% tax free.

Brilliant (though depressing) post. You should share this far and wide op as I don’t think people realise how the mum can be at a massive disadvantage after a split. We’re basically relying on the goodwill of our ex to ensure they meet our child’s needs. The law needs to change to make some fathers step up.

Have a mid life career change and go back to full time study supported by new wife. No need to pay a penny if you're a student.

Very good post op, it is so true

I don't think there's any law that will "make fathers step up".

But I do think there needs to be a lot less societal acceptance of men who behave like this.
Single mother = shame.
Dropped out father = "well, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors" / "it takes two to tango" / "don't want to get involved or take sides".

FFS.....take a side. Everyone, male or female, knows the right thing to do i.e. don't abandon your children.
Tell your mate that he's being a dick-head, and he needs to get over himself.
You're no friend if you can't tell him when he is being a clown.
Tell him to man up, and make peace with his ex.
Tell him that all relationships have potential to be difficult- and that adults learn how to handle this.
Tell him to be the adult, even if she is (actually and not in the ex's head) being bitter and vengeful.
Tell him to go and buy a voucher for the school uniform shop- not more plastic tat.
Tell him that if he doesn't trust her, that he can ring the school himself, and organise it through them.
Tell him to grow up.

A stressed single parent is going to have poorer outcomes for children- for their health, education and long-term financial well-being.