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Lone parents

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Original poster

To suddenly die

20 replies

Notsodomesticgoddess1 · 08/08/2019 22:42

I’m being completely irrational but I fear that I’ll suddenly die or something will happen and my son will be left at home for days on his own. I know this is stupid but I’m wondering does anyone else have similar fears?

OP posts:
letmepeeinpeace · 08/08/2019 22:44

Me!! It's a horrible fear. I struggle to sleep because of it. The thought of him finding me and realising he can't wake me up 😢

helpconfused · 08/08/2019 22:44

Yes. I keep thinking about my wishes for my son as at present he has no contact with paternal family.

Zoe2411 · 08/08/2019 22:45

All the time ! I even cry about it sometimes about what would happen if anything happened to me and how my babies would be without a mom 🤦🏼‍♀️
I'm glad it's not just me x

darkcloudsandsunnyskies · 08/08/2019 22:46

It’s an irrational fear. It could happen. Put something in place to ensure that it does not. Most elderly people open the kitchen curtains as a sign to their neighbours that they are ok. Do something similar. In the olde times I think people used to be alerted my the milkmen leaving bottles. In fact the milkmen were often the first point of contact to raise any concerns.

Graphista · 08/08/2019 23:05

Definitely did when dd was much younger. Especially after a very unexpected asthma attack I had when she was 4 (I'd not had one for about 7 years at that point)

Neighbour came over to check as she'd seen ambulance that came for me (I'd called 111 and pretty much collapsed during call, they'd called ambulance), I taught dd what to do if mummy poorly or she couldn't wake me, felt shit that it was necessary! But better that than her not knowing what to do. This included knocking at our then neighbours, luckily at that time both next door neighbours were nice people who I knew would be OK with it, I checked with them anyway.

It never became necessary thankfully but it's definitely a factor for lone parents.

I was more concerned about the likely situation if I died. Ex has parental rights but is a piece of shit! I worried she'd be treated less favourably in his household and that he'd not facilitate her seeing my side of family.

I even looked into making a will to cover this and basically you can put it in a will but there's no way to enforce such wishes which I think is pretty crap to be honest.

Tailfeather · 08/08/2019 23:09

I have s 2 year old who is still in a cot and I always think what would happen if I died in my sleep. He'd be trapped in his cot and it could be days before anyone realised...

Singleandproud · 08/08/2019 23:15

I live on my own with DD, now 10. My parents used to ring or text me at night to make sure I was upstairs safe and then again in the morning, it was a little annoying but I knew it was because they cared, they stopped once DD was old enough to use my phone. Phone is always kept in her reach now just in case. DDad did the same for his elderly parents too.

anunseemlylovefordustin · 08/08/2019 23:26

I'm a lone parent and worry about this too. I even do things like making sure I never put my dressing gown on as I'm
going down the stairs, in case I trip and break my neck and my toddler is stranded in the house with my body!!! I only work part time so people wouldn't necessarily miss me at work, and my family live a long way away, so wouldn't notice my absence for a while. Sometimes my fears seem completely irrational, sometimes they seem like a real possibility. You're not alone!

Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 08/08/2019 23:28

Constantly.
I'll miss my DD 12 growing up etc...but the fear stops us from living xx

PumpkinP · 09/08/2019 02:05

Yes totally normal. If I died no one would notice or care tbh. I only have my children. No one else. I remember reading a very sad story

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/08/boy-4-died-alone-in-hackney-flat-two-weeks-after-his-mothers-death

Heartbreaking, very real fear for lots of lone parents I imagine.

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 09/08/2019 02:09

You should have a pact with another single mum to message each other every single day. In the event that you don't message, the rule should be that the other person calls and, if you don't answer, they call the police.

Mums on this thread should team up. Not me, my DC are older, but I remember having this fear when they were little.

Tailfeather · 09/08/2019 20:42

@PumpkinP Oh no! That's awful!

Napssavelives · 10/08/2019 04:52

I have the same fear, I taught my eldest to use my phone and what to do in a emergency. The story is heartbreaking

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 10/08/2019 05:02

I'm not a single parent but recognise the fear all too well. I agree, team up with another parent to check on each other daily.

when your DC is old enough to be in school, the school now do a check so if the child isn't in school when they're expected to be, the school will try contacting and if they can't then will get the police to go round (put in place nationally I believe because of tragic stories like the one linked to above).

soapona · 12/08/2019 02:12

I do and as both my own parents died suddenly and young, I panic if I have a sore stomach it's a heart attack a headache is a deathly tumor and so on. Even saw the GP emergency just to discover it's a virus or shingles not the near fatality I thought it was.

compulsiveliar2019 · 12/08/2019 03:03

I heard a very sad story about a child with disabilities who was found alone with her dead mother by school transport pick up. It was at the start of the week so the poor child could have been alone for several days before she was found.

Very scary. Brings home just how important it is to teach children how to contact help if they need it.

LokiLocks · 12/08/2019 13:29

I came on to start a thread on this too and am relieved it isn't just me who worries about this. It's horrible isn't it? My LO is 4 and I have neurological issues so I worry that if I collapse or something awful happens then he will be on his ow until someone notices. He's too young to use my phone and our neighbours are never in out. It's horrible to think about.

Parent999 · 13/08/2019 08:03

On a slightly separate note, I had incredible stress before court. I understand that if it were to be made a contact order instead of a joint lives with order then my ex would have the right to pass parental responsibility to her sister should she pass away. This scared the hell out of me because instead of supporting my daughter and ensuring she had a relationship with both families I would most likely have to end up fighting off the ex's sister through court. Thankfully it was made joint but it really kept me up at night.

Lambo24 · 13/08/2019 22:18

So glad this is not just me! I worry all the time about my mortality since becoming single. Not just about dying but what would happen to my girls after e.g living with my horrible ex and his horrible mother. Makes me feel sick just thinking about it!

PumpkinP · 13/08/2019 23:25

That’s another worry lambo, my ex is absent and wouldn’t want them so mine would go into care. It’s really horrible when you think about these things ☹️

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