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Original poster

When 2yo daughter comes home from her dad's she says strange things... Advice

56 replies

JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 00:07

Hi everyone,

Looking for advice regarding my two year old and how serious do people think I should take it? Every Saturday she goes to her fathers and has done for little over a year now. Recently I've noticed a change in her behavior around males, she becomes rather aggressive and won't let my current partner help with anything, nor my grandad. Anyway, after extensive googling I found this to be more common than I thought and somewhat normal so my little panic was over, or so I thought..

Fast forward a few days and she then began coming home and saying what I dismissed as her starting to tell lies, she would keep saying 'daddy did it' about anything, for example, she fell the other day literally in front of me and then go on to say yes daddy did it, sometimes even including actions!! She also said more innocent lies such as daddy cut her hair etc... I must add her dad is very spiritual and he has a much softer parenting approach than me, he doesn't believe in punishment and actually attempted to criticize my parenting for not giving in to her fake cries.

Fast forward a few more days and she has now come home and said her teddy which she supposedly loves at her dad's has 'touched her twinkle'. Her twinkle is what we refer to as her vagina, I have then obviously expressed concerns to her dad. I do trust her dad and I genuinely don't think he would ever hurt her but I don't know what happens there and he still lives at home with his parents and brothers and now my brain is going wild. My question is how serious should I take her comments? I have tried questioning her days apart to see if her story changes but it hasn't. There has been no signs of abuse that I can physically see and she is always really excited to go daddies but now I feel very anxious, I just don't know what to do... Any advice welcome! I'm not sleeping and feeling really guilty sending her but I don't want to punish her or her father if it's just a harmless pigment of her imagination. Am I being naive?

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SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2019 00:13

Blaming Daddy for stuff seems normal, even the hair cutting etc she's presumably had it cut so knows about it.
However touching her between the legs - she shouldn't know that's a thing that could happen. That's what would conern me. If she's saying Daddy touched her there I'd be very reluctant to send her back until the issue was clearer

bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 00:21

Like I said on the other thread, listen to your child.

parent999 · 07/08/2019 06:37

Pick up the phone and talk to her Dad.

oatmilk4breakfast · 07/08/2019 06:49

Agree. Call the dad, don’t send child back until you understand more. In house with other adult men - not just your ex - I would be concerned that he can’t know what’s going on either. Difficult situation, you’re right not to accuse. I would be very factual with him and judge from his reaction what to do. (He should also be very concerned.). Please listen to your child as you are doing. X

sheshootssheimplores · 07/08/2019 06:52

Something is very wrong OP. Kids just don’t say that for no reason.

SinkGirl · 07/08/2019 07:17

To be clear, she said her teddy touched her there?

I was abused by my father - I was older (at least from what I remember) but I would be worried about where this specific thing has come from.

I’d be talking to her about the pants rule, I’d be asking her dad if he has any idea where this has come from - if any abuse has happened, the fact he knows she’s said something to you and you’re now asking questions should be a strong deterrent.

I’m not saying for a second she’s been abused but you definitely need to be cautious.

One thing I realise as an abused person is how good abusers are at manipulating children into not talking. I wish my mum had told me that adults should never ask you to keep secrets from your parent(s).

Spam88 · 07/08/2019 07:26

As a PP said, my 2 yo would have no idea that being touched there would be a thing. Whether anything has happened or not, she's got the idea from somewhere and I'd want to find out where.

Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 08:23

Sorry some have gotten confused she said that a teddy she has at her fathers touched her there, not her dad.

I have spoken to her father who is equally as concerned he has asked me to seek professional help to ensure nothing has happened but before I did that I just wanted to see how many would do the same. I'm currently pregnant and his parents have said that I'm just being dramatic and hormonal?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2019 08:34

Some have gotten confused she said that a teddy she has at her fathers touched her there, not her dad
Yes sorry I mean if she's said it coming from her Dad's. It's easily a way of grooming her into other stuff and as Teddy did it it must be OK. Def talk to someone. Rspcc perhaps?

Does Dad agree to her not stopping over there until its sorted?

Make sure she knows she did the right thing telling you in case Dad is bluffing

Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 08:39

Well these are the exact thoughts I just can’t get out of my head! Sad

The only other thing is she does blame this teddy for other things too, like hitting her etc. But if I quiz her about it I feel like I’m the one prompting her to say these things. I think I should speak to the NSPCC but I am so scared to get any services around her but it’s the right thing to do isn’t it Sad

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Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 08:40

Dad has said he will keep her in his bed so he knows she is safe so he still wants her stopping there and as it stands I’ve not stopped it but I’m not sleeping or eating when she does go it’s made me an anxious mess! Sad

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 08:42

I think you need to listen to your child. As I said before and on your other thread. Having her in bed with her dad, when the issues are coming from his house, is quite bizarre. Call and get some proper advice on how to keep your Daughter safe.

Allthedays · 07/08/2019 08:50

My DD blames her dad for literally everything lately too, but nothing about touching her, so that part is really worrying. My DD tries to get between him and me and thus tries to frame him for the craziest things. Like saying “daddy made a mess” or “daddy doesn’t sit nicely” and stuff like that. But the touching part you’re referring to is really worrying!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2019 08:54

Please phone nspcc ASAP.

You're right not to push her with questions, it's a delicate process and you can so easily mess it up, even none SS professionals, if thry have a disclosure of abuse, have to be very careful

You say she blames teddy for lots of things, fine. But how does she know about touching between her legs. She didn't say he smacked her or thumped her nose, something she might see on telly etc. So either it's happening to her or she's being exposed to something in real life or on telly which isn't appropriate.

Cal lthem today op, for your daughters sake.

Sadie789 · 07/08/2019 08:54

My two year old would have no concept of someone touching her there unless it actually happened, if that makes sense.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 07/08/2019 08:56

I'd be concerned thar the parents he lives with are the ones suggesting you're crazy and hormonal! To be honest it sounds like your ex is totally on your side in wanting you get to the bottom of this, I'd not be wanting your dc to stay in a house with his parents though

Inarightpickleandpreserve · 07/08/2019 09:02

Does the dad not want to figure this out before she’s staying at his again?

PurpleDragons · 07/08/2019 09:03

You need to be more proactive OP. If you daughter is saying things that suggest she may be being either exposed to inappropriate material or even that she is experiencing sexual abuse I wouldn’t be leaving her alone with any males. Not her father, your partner or Grandad. She needs safeguarding. Call the NSPCC good, but I’d go one step further and I’d call Social Services myself. They know how to speak to young children and may be able to get to the bottom of this. Also, if she would be able to understand it try to teach her the NSPCCs PANTS rule.

Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 09:09

Lots of questions but the way me (& her dad) see it is that in his room she is safe. When I approached the situation to her dad I had to be really careful not to look I was accusing anyone as if I’m honest him as his family have always been great with her and very consistent, so I used scenarios such as his brother having people round or someone breaking in etc, so he puts her in his bed now as he isn’t able to tell me she is safe all night but he said I’m just being anxious.

In my head and my heart I can’t say that I can vouch for his father or his brothers, I know her dad would never harm her. I am going to speak to him as I wanted to see if my daughter continued to say things first.

I 100% don’t want her to stay there but when I said that he said he was then being punished and missing time with her and so I felt bad, which is why I’m here!

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 09:11

Omg OP you do not know she is safe at all Sad

Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 09:11

She isn’t alone with any male at my house, but I do have occasional visitors such as my grandad who she now seems to hate. I can’t speak for her dads house but apparently she is only not with her dad when he goes to the toilet etc; never for long periods of time.

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 09:12

Call the NSPCC, Oh and stop taking to him about it meantime

Original poster
JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 09:15

Bouncingraindrops I have to speak to him as she is her father. I need his support and co operation if I’m to take things further, I don’t for one second suspect her father of harming her at all. It’s the other people in the household that I am more paranoid about

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/08/2019 09:18

But you don't know who is harming her.

Put your daughter first here. She is saying that she is being inappropriately touched at her fathers house. That means everyone there is in question. It's not your job to work our who it is, or rule people out. You couldn't if you wanted to, nobody ever thinks it's their husband/father/brother. It may well not be him, but leave that to the professionals.

Your only job right now is to keep your daughter safe.

howdyalikemenow · 07/08/2019 09:21

I agree with PP. nspcc now. And take advice as to whether she should be staying at dad's until this is further investigated.