When 2yo daughter comes home from her dad's she says strange things... Advice

[JLT1996]

Hi everyone,

Looking for advice regarding my two year old and how serious do people think I should take it? Every Saturday she goes to her fathers and has done for little over a year now. Recently I've noticed a change in her behavior around males, she becomes rather aggressive and won't let my current partner help with anything, nor my grandad. Anyway, after extensive googling I found this to be more common than I thought and somewhat normal so my little panic was over, or so I thought..

Fast forward a few days and she then began coming home and saying what I dismissed as her starting to tell lies, she would keep saying 'daddy did it' about anything, for example, she fell the other day literally in front of me and then go on to say yes daddy did it, sometimes even including actions!! She also said more innocent lies such as daddy cut her hair etc... I must add her dad is very spiritual and he has a much softer parenting approach than me, he doesn't believe in punishment and actually attempted to criticize my parenting for not giving in to her fake cries.

Fast forward a few more days and she has now come home and said her teddy which she supposedly loves at her dad's has 'touched her twinkle'. Her twinkle is what we refer to as her vagina, I have then obviously expressed concerns to her dad. I do trust her dad and I genuinely don't think he would ever hurt her but I don't know what happens there and he still lives at home with his parents and brothers and now my brain is going wild. My question is how serious should I take her comments? I have tried questioning her days apart to see if her story changes but it hasn't. There has been no signs of abuse that I can physically see and she is always really excited to go daddies but now I feel very anxious, I just don't know what to do... Any advice welcome! I'm not sleeping and feeling really guilty sending her but I don't want to punish her or her father if it's just a harmless pigment of her imagination. Am I being naive?

You asked if this was normal for a 2 y/o op.

I've had three. Not in my experience but that's a sample of three. And I'm not an expert. Which is why you are being advised to speak to nspcc. Safeguarding advice suggests you SHOULD NOT try to investigate the child yourself because we can inadvertently ask leading questions that the child feels obliged to answer to please tje person asking - there are methods that trained professionals use, especially with young and non verbal children. Please take the advice given here. As others have said, it's an unusual thing to say for such a young and unaware child but no-one is suggesting you are the abuser, merely that comments like this need careful handling in such a young child to establish the facts in a way that doesn't panic or scare the child.

It's probably nothing but you DO need to seek advice.

I have spoken to her father who is equally as concerned he has asked me to seek professional help to ensure nothing has happened but before I did that I just wanted to see how many would do the same. I'm currently pregnant and his parents have said that I'm just being dramatic and hormonal?

This sends warning bells. he's asked you to seek professional help "to ensure nothing has happened"

I apologise if I'm misinterpreting but that seems to be akin to him suggesting you do that to prove it but you're doubting whether to go down that route hence asking on here. Has your ex put that doubt in your mind?

Please don't assume he is innocent. Do not let her stay with him and certainly not in his bed (appalling suggestion) until you have done as others have advised and contacted the NSPCC.

Who told his parents? Him? So that's other potential abusers or protectors of abusers having advance warning. Your daughter is the most important thing. Fuck what his parents say. Dramatic and hormonal over valid concern for your daughters welfare, honestly who do they think they are.

Her father is asking you to basicallly to condone him having her in his bed...... get advice do not let her stay

Did she mention if anyone else was in the room when the bear touched her?

Any update? Just read through this post and I was shocked. I understand why you are trying to keep your daughter dad in the fold with everything. However, you do not know who or what it is that is causing this reaction. So as a person that was abused, I would agree that you should contact the Nspcc. However, I can see that you might feel like we are having a go at you. We are not, just concerned about you and your daughter. I was abused when I was younger and did not say anything until I turned 18 and was drunk one night.
I get that this must be difficult for you and if it was me, I would be devistated. However, you need to put your daughter first. I hope you get to the bottom of this

Hi OP I do hope that everything is ok?!
I was sexually abused by my step dad as a child and its a horrendous thing to go through as a child and an adult .A lot of family friends are still now aware of this as it was swept underneath the carpet by my mom. Honestly , it still makes me sick when people say that he's done a great job raising me as a step child. He came across as the perfect parent . Please do not rule out anyone if something sinister is happening. My step dad is the most helpful person ever ! Very friendly and would bend over backwards for friends and family ! This is the main reason why I didn't tell anyone for years ! The "nice" ones make it harder for kids to tell on! I do hope that you're getting a professional help and that she's ok x