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Original poster

When 2yo daughter comes home from her dad's she says strange things... Advice

56 replies

JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 00:07

Hi everyone,

Looking for advice regarding my two year old and how serious do people think I should take it? Every Saturday she goes to her fathers and has done for little over a year now. Recently I've noticed a change in her behavior around males, she becomes rather aggressive and won't let my current partner help with anything, nor my grandad. Anyway, after extensive googling I found this to be more common than I thought and somewhat normal so my little panic was over, or so I thought..

Fast forward a few days and she then began coming home and saying what I dismissed as her starting to tell lies, she would keep saying 'daddy did it' about anything, for example, she fell the other day literally in front of me and then go on to say yes daddy did it, sometimes even including actions!! She also said more innocent lies such as daddy cut her hair etc... I must add her dad is very spiritual and he has a much softer parenting approach than me, he doesn't believe in punishment and actually attempted to criticize my parenting for not giving in to her fake cries.

Fast forward a few more days and she has now come home and said her teddy which she supposedly loves at her dad's has 'touched her twinkle'. Her twinkle is what we refer to as her vagina, I have then obviously expressed concerns to her dad. I do trust her dad and I genuinely don't think he would ever hurt her but I don't know what happens there and he still lives at home with his parents and brothers and now my brain is going wild. My question is how serious should I take her comments? I have tried questioning her days apart to see if her story changes but it hasn't. There has been no signs of abuse that I can physically see and she is always really excited to go daddies but now I feel very anxious, I just don't know what to do... Any advice welcome! I'm not sleeping and feeling really guilty sending her but I don't want to punish her or her father if it's just a harmless pigment of her imagination. Am I being naive?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 09:23

I have to speak to him as she is her father.

Can the NSPCC first. Get their advice.

I need his support and co operation if I’m to take things further,

No you don't. You are your daughters biggest protector.

I don’t for one second suspect her father of harming her at all.

This is a problem. Please, I know you don't want this to be a possibility, but at this stage you need to keep her close, get some professional advice and don't rule out anyone. And certainly do not send he to sleep in his bed.

noideasforaname · 07/08/2019 09:29

Your daughter has talked about being touched at her genitals and has become aggressive (for aggressive, read defensive and protecting herself ) around men.

No-one here knows what has or has not happened but you do have grounds to have concerns. What choice do you have but to report it? You, or more specifically - your daughter, need someone who knows how to investigate these things. You need to call this in.

stucknoue · 07/08/2019 09:29

Speak to her dad but this may need the police. My friend was abused by her maternal grandfather at that age, he stopped when she started school and she never told anyone at the time had blanked it from her mind until she was raped and it flooded back - her grandad ended up in prison and the family fell apart. It can happen. Even if it's lies (has her nursery had someone in to talk to them?) she needs a bit of help it seems, at that age you need to work out what the problem even is of course

Jessbow · 07/08/2019 09:30

Shall probably get shouted down here but......

Does a 2 year old know that ''touching her twinkle'' is wrong?

Does she report to you that Teddy/daddy/Uncle Tom Cobley has touched her ear/her elbow/her little toe? Why would she suddenly tell you whoever has touched her twinkle, when pretty much on a daily basis mummy must touch ( wipe) her twinkle when she uses the toilet.

Take steps to make sure she is safe, obviously, bear every senario in mind....but every senario- it maybe that nothing bad has happened at all

Just seems a strange thing for a two year old to say

noideasforaname · 07/08/2019 09:33

I should add this could all be very innocent. Young children see their genitals as just another part of their body. She could have ben playing at her teddy wiping her after going to the toilet for all we know. It could be nothing, it could be something.

ImMeantToBeWorking · 07/08/2019 09:34

Listen to her! This happened to a family I know, the 2 year old said something to her sister's college lecturer (she was doing early childcare) the lecturer was shocked by it and advised they get her seen. It would sicken you what they found!!

It may be nothing, but how guilty would you fell it was something!

Pinkbonbon · 07/08/2019 09:40

When you mentioned his parents telling you you were being dramatic I thought 'aha, grandpa' and then you mentioned that she has taken extreme dislike to him. I'd not let her or and grandad again tbh. Sounds like he might have been up to something before and wife knows.

You need to have the talk with her about touching and not keeping 'secrets'. But you also need to talk with her about telling the truth too, nip the lies in the butt early.

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/08/2019 09:43

Please listen to her

Teddybear45 · 07/08/2019 09:45

If it is abuse you need to prepare for the possibility that it’s occurring at your house, not your ex’s. Abused kids tend to only directly point fingers etc at the parent they trust - it’s very likely she’s blaming her dad and the bear she has at his because she feels safe there.

Quartz2208 · 07/08/2019 09:51

Yes you both need advice from NSPCC - its sounds unlikely to be her father but there are plenty of other males in her life (including your partner) who is could be - getting to the bottom of that is important

You need professional intervention here to get to the truth you cannot do this without it

StressyDressyHeels · 07/08/2019 09:55

I hope this is something and nothing. But totally understand your concern.

I was abused at 13 and was manipulated into not saying a word, I was pretty switched on aswell. So don’t assume your daughter will feel comfortable telling you. I had some real fears (because of what I’d been told) re the repercussions of speaking out. I only say this to try and make you understand how powerful abusers can be when they’re trying to get you to remain silent.

Again, could be something and nothing but does sound concerning and always better to be over zealous.

Littlepond · 07/08/2019 10:01

I understand that her dad wouldn’t want to miss time with her but if he has her best interests at the forefront then surely he will understand her not staying with him for a bit until you know how best to proceed, with professional advice? Honestly OP I would keep her with you where you KNOW she is safe, do not let her stay at her dads. if it upsets Daddy that’s a shame but better that than the unthinkable alternative ☹️

ArnoldBee · 07/08/2019 10:43

When my DSD was 2 she had her genitals touched on a regular basis by her father. This was because she used to have the most terrible nappy rash and also couldn't wipe herself properly. Don't ask her any further questions- leave it to a trained professional as her story will come further away from the original and may become difficult to tell fact from fiction. If she does mention anything just keep a record of it to discuss with a professional.

Original poster

JLT1996 · 07/08/2019 10:47

Okay thanks everyone. Please note that I am not the abuser. The way some of you are talking to me is making me feel like it’s me at fault here, I have posted for advice not to be made to feel like the worlds worst mum.

I am going to speak to my daughter tonight to see if anything more gets said, as some of you have said it could be something as innocent as her holding the teddy whilst having her nappy changed and the bear has ‘touched her twinkle’, but it could also be the worst which is what the majority of you have said. Of course I was considering contacting NSPCC or some authority but I first just wanted to know if this is something 2 year olds just say, as a FTM I don’t know what’s ‘normal’ in a two year olds mind so I just wanted to checked I wasn’t being ‘dramatic’ like her fathers dad said. Thanks for clarifying that I’m not anyway, I’ll post an update but her dad is being very supportive and said it might cause some drama between me and there parents but I’m not really bothered about that

OP posts:

ukgift2016 · 07/08/2019 10:51

Please contact the NSPCC. You have a duty as her mother to protect your daughter and to take what she says seriously.

You have noticed a change in her behaviour, a relcutance to be around men and she is now trying to verbalise to you that there is something wrong.

You should at this stage be stopping overnight visits until you have investigated this further. You need to listen to your daughter.

Soubriquet · 07/08/2019 10:53

Yeah that is scary

Have you ever spoken to her about her privates being private and therefore she has assumed her teddy has touched her because you said that?

My 6 year old has never said anything like it but she knows that if anyone was to touch her there it is wrong

I would definitely call NSPCC got advice if nothing else

bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 11:06

Please note that I am not the abuser. The way some of you are talking to me is making me feel like it’s me at fault here,

This has categorically not happened.

What is coming through is frustration.

Don't speak to your DD again. Don't have her sleep in her dads bed. DO contact the NSPCC as a matter of urgency. Please do that one thing for your daughter right away. I had rather hoped your lack of participation on the thread in the last wee while meant you were actually doing that.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2019 11:47

Op don't ask her anything, just confirm she can always tell you anything. You have no idea the mess of potential evidence you'll cause if you ask the wrong questions.
We're all tell you the same - call for support.

Oblomov19 · 07/08/2019 11:54

Oh dear!
I don't understand why OP hasn't rung the nspcc today, already?

sheshootssheimplores · 07/08/2019 11:56

I think many of us have seen these kind of threads pop on here a few times and invariably they end up with the child having spoken the truth. I think that’s why many of us are imploring you to believe her and go through official channels to investigate her comments.

Banangana · 07/08/2019 12:07

I am going to speak to my daughter tonight to see if anything more gets said

If she is being abused, you're really not qualified enough to deal with or get to the bottom of it, especially as she's only two years old. Call the NSPCC and follow their advice to the letter. Your questioning could end up confusing her, doing more damage and preventing the professionals from figuring out what has gone on.

You're not the abuser and you're not a terrible mother but if you continue to ignore the advice being given to you and it ends up putting your daughter in danger, you will have failed her.

Feelingwalkedover · 07/08/2019 12:13

Get of this thread op and ring social services and nspcc...ASAP.
Don’t let her out of your sight untill it’s resolved
Well that is what I would be doing ,I’d also not be discussing it any more with anyone at all. Let the proper people sort this

Tighnabruaich · 07/08/2019 12:19

OP - is this your child's father that you mention in this other thread of yours?

Tighnabruaich · 07/08/2019 12:20

Sorry, hit send too soon

"I am currently not with the father due to him basically being an idiot when he is drunk"

PeoniesarePink · 07/08/2019 12:29

OP you need to be incredibly open minded here. You say that her father isn't capable of doing this, but a 2 year wouldn't just come out with something like this.

Stop her going there immediately and contact SS or the NSPCC.

It's so much better to be wrong about this than ignoring it. You are going to be seen as a caring parent, nothing more.

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