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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Professional Single Parents

354 replies

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/07/2019 08:36

I'm a single full time working mother of one 3 year old in London. As my career is progressing I realise I don't know any parents like myself and I would really like to discuss how others manage childcare, travelling for work, getting a mortgage on your own, tax free childcare etc and I have nobody to discuss this with.

Anyone out there in a similar situation?

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LondonSouth28 · 09/08/2019 16:59

Can I message you somehow? Feel like I'd be outing myself a lot with more details...

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 09/08/2019 17:12

Ah no worries. I've never messaged anyone on here so no idea! Only share what you're comfortable with. Just be known that we're here sharing the same challenges as you and you're not alone.

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LondonSouth28 · 09/08/2019 20:30

I actually looked to see how to message and couldn't see how you do it!

LondonSouth28 · 09/08/2019 20:33

So I get my 3 kids and me ready each morning. I have a live in au pair. She comes down to the kitchen about 10 mins before she takes my eldest to his nursery school (and from sept he goes to reception and my second goes to the nursery class at the school), and I take the other two (soon to be one) to nursery in the opposite direction for an 8am drop off. Then run to tube and get to work by 830. Without the au pair I'd be in a real spot of bother

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 09/08/2019 21:27

That sounds quite stressful for the mornings! Thank goodness you've got the space and funds for a live in au-pair - doing that alone would be the stuff of nightmares.

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Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 10/08/2019 20:38

How are we all this evening?

I'm really stressing about how I'm going to manage when my son starts school next year and then secondary school. I want to move to an area with good schools but I'm terrified of being too far away in the office with only one way of getting back.

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Toomanycats99 · 10/08/2019 21:58

Not bad.....my dd are meeting their dads girlfriends children for the first time today. They due home in an hour so will find out what they feel then.....

Toomanycats99 · 10/08/2019 22:00

Re the area. I live south London / Surrey borders. I have loads of options.

Tube and bus. Trains from st pancreas / Victoria and London bridge.

And the schools are good!

I really feel sorry for the people who are dependent on one train line -that is stressful.

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 10/08/2019 22:17

I went and had a walk around Petts Wood near Chislehurst today and just didn't like the suburban feel. I grew up in zone 5 and couldn't wait to leave !

Apparently Bexleyheath has good secondary schools and seems affordable but just feels really far away

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Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 10/08/2019 22:22

Oh gosh, dads gfs children sounds serious. Just spend an hour on the Step-parenting board to be put off blended families for life !

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hooleyohwoo · 10/08/2019 23:16

Can I join? Been a single parent since dd was 12 weeks old. Long story: she was on a CP plan because of my ex, my job was on the line at one point but luckily my boss knew me well enough not to believe the allegations made against me, plus my ex went over and beyond with his mad accusations... it's all just very embarrassing really, on his part.
We have just about steadied up, court ordered indirect contact ordered only for him.... and an aside note that if he ever contacts me or tries to take her then I am to call the police straight away... and surprise surprise, he hasn't even bothered. Nor have his family.
Anyhow, a year and a half later and all is good. Except the hard graft of doing absolutely everything by myself. Plus working full time. It's a killer...
I feel a bit like dd has massively been rejected by his family, I don't speak to any of them, but the consensus is (apparently, according to vague friends of friends) that she doesn't exist... is this normal??

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 10/08/2019 23:35

@hooleyohwoo welcome to the thread! I've also been there and done that with Cafcass, family court (went on for 2.5 YEARS), contact centres and non-molestation orders, false allegations to social services etc while working full time.

I'm so glad it's over, no idea how I kept it together but seems like you've been through similar. Onwards and upwards !

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hooleyohwoo · 10/08/2019 23:35

Forgot to add, he beat me black and blue when she was a few weeks old; including one time when I was holding her when he punched me in the chest.
And told me he would 'report me' before I could get there first, and he did. Hence the CP etc.
Still can't quite believe it happened. Currently in a stage two investigation as it turns out they found out a lot of stuff about him... and confirmed what I had said all along...

Anyhoo, sorry for the dramatic intro.

hooleyohwoo · 10/08/2019 23:46

@TeachesOfPeaches
Thank you!
Sorry you had to go through something similar. It's bloody awful isn't it??just the whole thing... but hey ho, me and dd are doing well, along with our little dog. It's just SO HARD doing everything on my own.
My dad died a fair few years ago, my mother is bordering on senile, and I have no siblings (to speak of). Super hard work. Luckily I am on school holidays (teacher) but my goodness, sometimes I look fondly upon work as a break!

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 11/08/2019 08:02

@hooleyohwoo I couldn't imagine trying to navigate the complex legal system if I was uneducated or didn't speak English. Must be absolutely terrifying.

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BumblebeeBum · 13/08/2019 08:49

Hi all, delurking as you all seem so lovely! Can I ask - those that have their kids do activities - how? I’m a single working Mum to two and I can’t work out how to get my kids to after school activities without leaving work early.

I guess I could have one kid in childcare while I take the other to an activity and then swap another day. Seems an inefficient use of childcare money and all of our time though.

Kids are in primary so a limited number of after school clubs at the school itself.

If anyone has any ideas, I’d really appreciate it.

DropOfffArtiste · 13/08/2019 10:37

I have an au pair who can take to after school activities. That could work if you have enough space?

Whoseagooddoggiethen · 13/08/2019 11:07

My boys have 3 activities each a week, thankfully 2 of thoses are together! I book them into evening classes so we get in from work and school and then a snack and back out 4 nights a week and then up and out saturday morning. There is never a dull moment lol I dont have anyone else to take them and we live in a different county to most of their pals from activities so cant even carpool.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 13/08/2019 15:10

Hi @Bumnlebeebum. My kids are older, so it's easier, I guess. But I'd say choose the activities with one eye to what they'll love, and the other to the practicalities.

My eldest is 14, and does indoor skydiving. That's about an hour's drive to get her there, on a weekday evening. So I try to work at home that day, amd she's very understanding of those weeks that we just can't do because of my work.

My youngest, who is 12, does Pony Club one day a week after school, but that's on her Mum's day so she handles getting her there (shame she won't pay a penny towards any activities, but that's another story, and at least she is willing to give her a lift once a week...). The riding lessons are all done on my weekends to limit impacts on weekdays.

Just takes a bit of juggling, is all.

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 13/08/2019 18:27

@BumblebeeBum I was thinking exactly the same when lurking on the pushy parents thread. No idea how I will even manage when he starts primary school and all the after school clubs start Confused

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DropOfffArtiste · 13/08/2019 18:51

After school clubs offered by the school many times, or activities at the weekends.

Swapping lifts with other parents etc

Don't stress about stuff too much in advance

anothermansmother · 13/08/2019 20:52

Mine are older 12 and 9 and extra curricular stuff takes up most of my budget and time, but thankfully three activities they attend are the two of them. At one pint I had to sit there for two hours as they had things at different times and when one was big enough to fit and the other was a rampaging toddler it wasn't much fun.
It is great now though, we're really close and I can get done work fine whilst there in some clubs and my ds and I go to the gym together twice a week...my dd is 2 inches to short, so she stays in after school club whilst we go.

hooleyohwoo · 14/08/2019 23:33

Ugh. I am so fed up of the summer holidays. Supposed to be enjoying it but constantly being aware of money! This sucks.

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 15/08/2019 07:14

@hooleyohwoo I've not had to suffer the school holidays as yet as mine is in nursery but even at the weekend he is now constantly asking for stuff which drives me potty. Can't imagine 6 weeks of that!

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Whoseagooddoggiethen · 15/08/2019 07:25

9 weeks of it in Ireland! 2.5 weeks to go although in our case its money for fortnite ‘bucks’ rather than anything else!