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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Mothers Day for single mums

27 replies

Strix · 25/03/2019 09:34

This is my first Mother's Day post separation. Just wondering what other single mums do on Mother's Day?

OP posts:

ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/03/2019 09:37

Ahh. It’s just a normal day for me really except we go and visit my mum and gran.

What age is your DC? If they’re school age they might make cards in school.

Inaquandry06 · 25/03/2019 09:40

Just another day, alrhough my DS is a bit older now so he makes me a cup of tea and I wait outside the shop while he gets a card and a little gift.
Do you know any other mums who don’t have partners around? Maybe you could but each other cards/little gift from the kids?

Babdoc · 25/03/2019 09:42

Depends on the age of your DC, OP. My DH died when ours were babies.
I was moved to tears when friends and neighbours left gifts on my doorstep and posted cards to me that claimed to be from my DC.
When the kids were primary school age, they made me cards themselves, and the nanny took them into town to buy me presents.
Now they’re grown up, they take me out to a restaurant or concert.

Original poster

Strix · 25/03/2019 09:44

Mine are 8, 13, and 16. Unfortunately, my soon to be x husband has taught them well over the years how to do nothing for Mothers Day. So, I'm not expecting much. I suppose school might do something for the 8 year old.

Maybe I'll just plan to do nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Strix · 25/03/2019 09:46

Oh my goodness babdoc. That must have been so difficult.

OP posts:

ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/03/2019 09:50

babdoc

OP is your own mother still around? If so you could make comments about getting her a card/gift for Mother’s Day and ask the kids what she might like. It may trigger a reminder in them to get you something. It’s not too late to foster a desire to treat their mother on Mother’s Day. If you do it subtley so they don’t feel pressured to do it.

YogaWannabe · 25/03/2019 09:54

Surely your 16 and 8yr old will do something?
DD8 always gets someone to bring her somewhere to get me something small or spends ages toiling awayin her room at some cardboard creation
Other than that it’s just a normal day as my Mam is no longer around.

Original poster

Strix · 25/03/2019 11:09

My mother lives in the states, where they celebrate Mothers Day in May. I think I'll just lower my expectations to avoid disappointment.

The 16 year old might organise something and she might just run off to Daddy's house. The 13 (almost 14) year old couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery I'm not joking. The 8 year old might do something at school.

Perhaps I should stop sulking and be happy for the things I do have.

Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:

DrEmilyCrabtree · 25/03/2019 11:11

I'm not sure what to expect this MD as it is the first since DH died last year. Ds is at school, so may make something I guess. Dd is too little to know anything about it.

My plan is to visit mil, and that's about as far as i've got (my mum died nearly 9 years ago)

Michaelbaubles · 25/03/2019 11:14

The DC like to do something so I tell them in advance when it is and “I’d really like a nice card you made for me” - DD has already restrung a plastic bead necklace that she’s planning on giving to me and I’ll probably get an amazing art or Knex creation from DS. I don’t want them to go ott but I like it to be recognised and I’m not a martyr so I ask for what I want.

YogaWannabe · 25/03/2019 11:15

Sorry I missed that you also had a 13 ye old. Ah at those ages I’d certainly expect something and I’d be pretty shocked if they didn’t bother their arses!
I’m not a martyr, I do lovely things for DD and want to raise her as someone who enjoys doing nice things for others.

CaseofEllen · 25/03/2019 11:21

@Babdoc @DrEmilyCrabtree

Babdoc · 25/03/2019 19:05

OP, I’m rather shocked that your DC are actually teenagers and yet do nothing for you on Mothers’ Day.
I think you need to raise them with the idea that part of being a loving family is to do nice things for each other.
Point out that you have put a lot of love and effort into giving them a good childhood, and you will be very hurt if they can’t even be bothered to get you a card and small gift or cook a nice meal for you on Sunday.
You don’t want them to grow up selfish and spoiled - they need to learn to think of others, including you!

JonestheRemail · 25/03/2019 19:42

My oldest DC will usually get me a card and a bar of chocolate, the other two probably won't. I see Mothers Day as a chance to buy myself something I want - will probably book myself a massage.

RickyGold · 25/03/2019 19:46

Think you should be more proactive, go out somewhere you want and tell them what you want, you will probably need to leave some money out. I tell my ds I want red flowers and we decide together where we are going to eat.

Original poster

Strix · 26/03/2019 10:52

Perhaps they will surprise me. But, of course the reason they behave like this is because this is the level of respect I got every year on Mother's Day from their father.

Maybe I should be more proactive. I like the massage idea.

OP posts:

goldengummybear · 26/03/2019 12:15

What will you be doing for Father's Day?

When my kids were younger I gave them money to go to the shops and buy me something. (They were upper primary so could go without me) Dd is now 16 do orders online and takes younger brother to the shops for a gift. They are instructed not to spend more than a fiver because there's plenty that they can get for that price and I don't want them to feel obliged to pay more. Dd uses her wages while I pay for ds' gift. We have a Card Factory (cheap cards) and there's always wrapping paper here so the fiver is plenty for me.

goldengummybear · 26/03/2019 12:16

I have booked a table at the pub on Sunday. Getting a chance to batter over good food will make me happy. I will get coffee in bed too.

Babdoc · 26/03/2019 12:19

goldengummybear, tempting though it might be, battering your DC in the pub might get you arrested...!

NGC2017 · 26/03/2019 14:03

That's such a shame that your DC's Dad has allowed them to do so little for you.

I have been on my own with my DS most of his life. He is 4. Every mother’s day it has been a normal day for us. I am very lucky in that I have parents who have always, without fail got a card which he has given to me. He also does things at school with I always feel are special. Last year I remember he got me flowers and on Mother’s day he was so excited to get up, told me to close my eyes and presented me with his arms full of bunches of flowers. He was so excited that he got to choose them. I also make an effort with involving my Mom every mothers day.

We do similar things on Father’s day too. My DS doesn’t see his dad (his dads choice) but I feel it is still important for us to celebrate the day. Usually by involving my Dad and Brother.

My attitude is one day he could be a father, so it is important for him to understand that these special days exist during the year so he can make the effort when he is older x

Original poster

Strix · 26/03/2019 16:22

@Babdoc

Well... he is my (soon to be) x for a reason!

I'm also in the process of moving my Autistic son to a new school because the headteacher at his current one has created a hostile environment for SEND children and their parents. And I have just accepted the offer at the new school. So that is something to be happy about. Yay!!!!

OP posts:

goldengummybear · 26/03/2019 18:15

I meant batter lol!

2018anewstart · 27/03/2019 18:50

I made my children a jar full of wishes for valentines day...whereas I wrote on them things we could do e.g go for a picnic, read a story, watch a movie etc... I have hinted to her that I would love one of those. They could put anything on them it just mustn't cost anything. I think this is what she is 'secretly' doing.

Seniorschoolmum · 29/03/2019 01:20

My ds has promised me breakfast in bed this year, only I have to make my own drink because he’s not allowed to use the kettle yet

Selmababies · 29/03/2019 02:02

I've always been a single mum. daughter is 19 now.
My advice would be just to plan a lovely day together. Have pancakes for breakfast, do an activity together or just go for a walk, and then a late lunch or an afternoon tea either out or made at home if neccessary.
Talk to your kids before the day and plan it together.

We love Mother's Day! This year we're spending the day with her boyfriend and his mother who is divorced, and we've booked a table at a lovely restaurant. We'll probably go for a walk and may go to the cinema too.

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