Daughter missing her dad

10 replies

BelleBoyd · 10/02/2019 21:38

My daughter is really missing her dad. She hasn’t seen him for about 3 weeks which isn’t that long. But she’s been crying about it.
I’ve stopped access as he’s actively using heroin. He has said he still wants to see them. His behaviour is really erratic.
Tonight though as she was crying I wondered whether it’s better this way or not.? It’s really hard to have had to make that decision.
I’ve told her daddy’s not well and it might take him a long while to get better but obviously she doesn’t understand and who would?

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Starlight456 · 10/02/2019 21:42

I would continue as you are.

You are safeguarding her. One of the reasons children don’t make decisions is they don’t understand the risks or consequences

Ginger1982 · 10/02/2019 21:42

You need to do what is in her best interests and it sounds like it's not in her best interests to see him right now

Original poster

BelleBoyd · 10/02/2019 21:44

Thankyou I think I know it’s best. Just breaks my heart to see her cry like that. Only want to make it better for her and fix it but I can’t.

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Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 10/02/2019 21:50

Can she keep a basic diary to show him next time she sees him?

NameChanger22 · 10/02/2019 21:53

I don't think she should see him at all in these circumstances. Sorry OP, I hope he sorts himself out.

Original poster

BelleBoyd · 10/02/2019 21:59

It’s difficult because I don’t know whether or when she will see him. He is using still and is being evicted, stopped working and is very unstable mentally. I think it’s a real possibility he will never get clean and I fear also it’ll kill him. I don’t want to give her false hope. She’s asked me if I think he’ll die and I’ve said I don’t think so. And when she asks when he’ll get better I tell her I don’t know but he needs to let the people who can help him and it might be a long time.

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Bishalisha · 10/02/2019 22:01

Have you made the school aware so they can offer support? Can you arrange for her to have some therapy to help talk through her feelings?

Original poster

BelleBoyd · 10/02/2019 22:08

School knows she has had a difficult time with her dad but I haven’t updated them she’s stopped seeing him as waiting for a SENCO appointment and thought I’d say then. But yes I should do that. And I have a recommendation for a psycho therapist that I thought she might need. I think I wanted to give it a bit of time to see what panned out as it’s only been 3 weeks.

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Starlight456 · 10/02/2019 23:05

How old is she?

My Ds stopped seeing him when he wa 3.

One thing someone said to me was I put too much emphasis on everything my Ds said about his dad. He might mention someone we rarely see or don’t at all I would give it little attention but always felt I had to explain everything.

Original poster

BelleBoyd · 11/02/2019 06:35

Yes with my youngest who’s four it’s not such an issue at the moment. But for my eldest it is-she’s nine. She’s used to seeing him every weekend

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