Ex wants to change arrangements

[Trixink]

My ex has our child (aged 7) overnight on a Wednesday. He makes his own arrangements for any before and after school club requirements he needs, as do I. We both have separate contracts with the childcare provider.

He now wants to change it so that he collects the children from me at 6pm and drops them back off with me Thursday morning at 7.30am to avoid paying any childcare that he needs on these days.

I don't feel that this is in my child's best interest as the childminder would collect from school, for me to collect them at 5pm for my ex to collect them at 6pm on the Wednesday. Then he'd drop them off with me at 7.30am, id drop them off with childminder at 8.15 and they'd be dropped off at school at 8.45am.

Am I within my right to say that due to the disruptive nature of the proposed changed Ill have them on Wednesday overnight?

I will offer an alternative of having them for a couple of hours during my contact weekends.

Effectively he is asking you to pay the Childminder for Wednesday nights session and Thursday mornings session, plus have the inconvenience of picking the DC up from Childminder and dropping them there on Thursday morning.

It's a resounding NO from me.

Why can't he pick them up and drop them as usual on Wednesday? Is it just because he doesn't want to pay?

Remind him that if you have them on Wednesday he will have to up his maintenance if he is having four less overnights a month.

His maintenance payment won't reduce if I have them Wednesday night. He'd have them 105 nights which is just in the 2-3 night bracket.

He essentially wants to still have him but not pay any childcare fees.

My argument is that 6pm collection time to get him ready for bed (he's in bed at 7.15pm at home) to drop him off at 7.30am (he gets up at 7am at home) plus all the change overs between school-childcare-me-dad-me-childcare-school seems really disruptive for him.

He's basically dictating that this is what's happening. Collect from mine at 6pm and drop off at mine at 7.30am.

No way - what a joke!
Not sure what the answer is - what will he do when you say no? Only as you say he is dictating this is what's happening. Would he just turn up?

It doesn't really seem like it's in anyone's interests. Surely if the child sleeps 7.15-7 they will spend about 1 hr 45 in the presence of their dad, the majority of that will be travelling. Seems pointless.

I agree. He sticks with the current arrangement or doesn't have Wednesdays. If he kicks up a fuss he can go to court and be told the same.

Agree with others. Tell him if he attempts to pick child up at yours at 6 that the child will still be at the childminder and he better be quick to pick up if he wants to avoid a late pickup charge. If he attempt to drop off at yours the next morning he will find the house empty.

Just say no (and dont offer any further contact on your weekends)

Would he be told the same if it got to court though, that's my worry?

He has him every other weekend in addition to Wednesdays currently. I'm happy for ex to have him for 2-3 hours on either the Saturday or Sunday that falls on my weekend so the actual time spent isn't reduced.

If I told him they were at childminders and he had to hurry to miss a late collection charge, he wouldn't care. The contract would have to be in my name as they would effectively become my arrangements so any late charges would be my responsibility.

Do you not think it would be frowned upon if I don't offer an alternative to him given I'm saying if he wants to change it as proposed, I'm ceasing contact on Wednesday? Seems harsh

Yes but he wants to change it so that he avoids paying childcare and to something that isnt in the interests of the child

Is it currently court ordered like that?

But you're not ceasing contact. He is. And you said you each had separate childcare contracts.

Essentially you are telling him you do not agree and the status quo is to remain.

I am looking at this from all points of view. Mostly the child.
It's completely unreasonable with a primary age child. You can say no.

Is it court ordered?

It's not court ordered. We went to mediatiom and have a memorandum of understanding which states that he has Wednesday overnight. Also states that he will make his own childcare arrangements if required.

Re the Wednesday childcare, he is currently responsible but if he cancels it then I would have to set something up so the son isn't stranded at school. So it would be in my name.

You don't need to offer him an alternative. There is no good reason for him to change the current arrangement. The only benefit is financial and to him and the court would take a very dim view of that argument.

As long as you stress, via email so you have a record, that you are happy for the current arrangement to continue and that you don't want it to change because it's not in the best interest of the child there is no issue.

Not the son!! 😳 My son! Auto correct fail

But why would it be you that has to set something up if he cancels HIS childcare.

If he is responsible for your DS on a Wednesday and cancels the childcare then he would be the one who should be collecting him after school. You should say no to this.

Why are you trying to sort his problems out? If he cancels the Wednesday childcare he has to pick child up from school. If he doesn't then school needs to know that they must contact him not you.

I'm assuming it would be my responsibility because I'm the resident parent, I may be wrong.

I think im going to wait until next Wednesday (he's not having him tomorrow as he's on holiday from Thursday morning - not paid child maintenance but that's another story altogether!) and see what happens.

I've told him that it's a change to our agreement and that we need to go back to mediation to agree new arrangements if he's wanting to change anything and that current arrangements apply until then. I suspect hell message me on Wednesday morning to remind me he's picking them up at 6pm from my house. I'll remind him that it's not in line with out arrangement and suggest he sticks to it. I'll get a call from the school to say sons not been picked up. I'll have to pick him up. I'll message ex saying he's not to come to the house and until mediation I will have our son on Wednesday night. And then wait for mediation.

What a chancer!

No I would not agree to that. I would say he either sticks to the original agreement or you collect from school on Wednesdays and the child stays with you overnight.

Has he said why he wants this change?

He says legally he only has to pay CMS. He doesn't have to pay childcare costs on top, they should come out of the maintenance received.

I suspect not cms has had to go to collect and pay due to non compliance with the direct pay schedule he's fuming he has to pay 20% on top and this is the reason.

He now wants to change it so that he collects the children from me at 6pm and drops them back off with me Thursday morning at 7.30am to avoid paying any childcare that he needs on these days

Just say no, that doesn't work for you.

You can even say you don't even go straight home on Wednesdays because that's his evening and night with DS, and you are enjoying your evening off, end of. You are also enjoying your one leisurely morning during the week, so no,, he will continue to be responsible for DS THursday mornings, including any required childcare. Just like you are on your days.

Not on his day though