Ex wants to change arrangements

[Trixink]

My ex has our child (aged 7) overnight on a Wednesday. He makes his own arrangements for any before and after school club requirements he needs, as do I. We both have separate contracts with the childcare provider.

He now wants to change it so that he collects the children from me at 6pm and drops them back off with me Thursday morning at 7.30am to avoid paying any childcare that he needs on these days.

I don't feel that this is in my child's best interest as the childminder would collect from school, for me to collect them at 5pm for my ex to collect them at 6pm on the Wednesday. Then he'd drop them off with me at 7.30am, id drop them off with childminder at 8.15 and they'd be dropped off at school at 8.45am.

Am I within my right to say that due to the disruptive nature of the proposed changed Ill have them on Wednesday overnight?

I will offer an alternative of having them for a couple of hours during my contact weekends.

He is correct that he doesn’t have to pay for childcare on top of child maintenance. That doesn’t mean he can use you as free childcare. If he wants Wednesdays nights then he either arranges his own childcare or he collects from school.

The maintenance covers the days they are in your care. If he's having them overnight it's his night and any associated child care is his responsibility. The fact he's already agreed to this in mediation and has been paying until now means he can't just decide to change his mind now.

Actually remind the school he is responsible for Wednesday they need to ring him first if he fails to collect or provide suitable childcare tell him the same if he fails to collect they ring him first then you if he continues and trys the social services route you have evidence from a third party he is ditching his child

No way would I agree to this. Tell him you are not available on Wednesday nights/Thursday mornings. You do not have to explain, just make sure you are unavailable for the first few weeks. But I'd be tempted to tell him you stay with your hot new boyfriend that night.

www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-8272.html?highlight=Childcare

This seems to suggest that I would be liable for before and after school club if he is not able to collect and drop off to and from school?

There is no hard and fast rule. Generally, each parent covers costs during their contact time.

He cannot force you to pay for childcare. He cannot force you to make the child available at 6pm without a court order.

It will cost him money to apply to court - £215, plus the cost of a mediation information session. Plus any legal advice and representation he may choose to have on top. He may or may not win.

The reason he gets a deduction on the CMS amount is because he is expected to pay for costs during his time.

They're talking about a 50/50 court agreed arrangement I think.

I'd fight him all the way and let him take you to court if need be.

This is one of my biggest regrets as a single parent. I paid all childcare, even on the two nights per week my son stayed with his dad. It was years before I realised I should have fought against it - £10 a day extra for Afterschool Care, was £80 a month when he was only giving me £65 maintenance! Never mind the all day childminder in summer holidays. I was lucky to get tax credits to help, but they don't cover it all.

I’d simply refuse.

It ties you down too as you have to step in as childminder. What happens if you’ve decided to go away for the evening/day. It would mean you’d have to get home for your dc after school, or couldn’t stay away as you have to be home in the miring.

Effectively he’s using you as unpaid childcare. It’s a big ‘F NO’ from me

Found this on the same website
..
In terms of costs, the law is clear on this. Its up to your ex, as the person who gets Child Benefit to pay for child care, and its also illigal to pay anyone except a Resistered Child Minder or Ofstead Aproved Company (what an afterschool club would be) for more than 14 days per year.

If the law of the country says she needs help with the cost of it, then she can apply for the childcare part of Working Tax Credit. She (and if there is a new partner them also) need to work at least 16 hours per week. They pay 70% of the costs. Note that other welfare benefits move the applicable amount when people work, so in real terms, she might not be paying the 30%, she might be getting some of it by other ways.

Under UK law, your Child Support payment is fully inclusive and your only other costs, start from when you collect the child, and end when you take them back to a location of her choice. Any fees payable at where the collection is from, is down to your ex, as she is that child care providers customer. Where the children get returned to, is in the control of your ex, and as such if any fees are payable, its down to her to arrangment payment.

And this..... Jeez, this is ridiculous. Maybe he's right 😕

It’s nonsense.

That website is bollocks and solely written by idiot fathers rights activists.

The part about not paying anyone for more than 14 days is more about the requirements for someone providing paid childcare to register as a childminder: www.madeformums.com/toddler-and-preschool/could-your-childcare-arrangements-be-breaking-the-law/2663.html

It is utterly irrelevant.

Similarly the 70%/30% figures are potentially out of date. Not everyone is eligible for the childcare element of tax credits.

You couldn’t, for example, enrol your child in childcare while he’s in your care and bill your ex for all/part of the cost. The obligation for payment is on the person who signs the contract.

He cannot make you be available between 3.30-6pm on a Wednesday. You can just let him know that you won’t be available.

Alternatively you can agree to collect your child at 3.30pm but you do not then also have to make the child available at 6pm.

If he wants to collect the child at 6pm but cannot collect from school at 3.30pm then he needs to find and make childcare arrangements that will allow that to happen.

He's now put in a variation to cms to reduce his maintenance payment. Hes listed the following expenses gas, electricity, water, food, clothes, childcare!!!

They’re his expenses at his house..? I’ve never heard of the CMS reducing the calculation on those grounds.

Let him get on with it it OP. He’s batshit and I’ve never heard of cms reducing payments due to this. That’s why his payments are based upon the nights he has the dc per year to take all that into consideration. He’s batshit and trying to push your buttons.

Leave him to have his strop. He won't get far with any of it unless you give in.

Cms will not reduce his maintenance for any of those reasons.

I've screen shotted their own fact sheet to reassure you.

Cms have confirmed it will be rejected.

Next will be cancelling it and demanding his time starts between 6pm and 7.30am on his school contact days

Can you afford a solicitor? It might be worth a solicitor's letter to him saying why it's not possible to change the arrangements, if he's ignoring you.

I had a solicitor involved previously. He ignored them too.

I wouldn't waste your money on a solicitor. They just write what you want them to say. Pointless (on both sides!).
I'm a mum and have a partner with a child so am looking at this with a foot in each camp. He is throwing a childish strop. Dont give in. This is not your responsibility to fix. You've given options. He doesn't like them. He is ridiculous to want a child just sleep and have no quality time.

Propose mediation again. If he refuses you attend youself and get the form signed and call his bluff and apply to court for a child arrangements order (£215 fee). Say on the application you have an agreement but as he hasn't stuck to it and DC needs consistency a more formal arrangement is required.

I would be sooo tempted to say calmly to him the next time he rants at you about it: "I'm just making detailed notes and keeping copies of all texts, emails and correspondence you've sent to me or submitted to CMS so one day I can confirm to darling child what a selfish dick his father was when he was growing up and needed things and time with his dad.." And smile sweetly.

So he's not done what I thought he would do.

Current arrangements are Wednesday night eow and every other weekend Friday night to Monday morning. He also has contact half the school holidays.

He's written to me updating our schedule (excel doc). Says that he having to sell his house because he can't afford to run it and lay child maintenance. Is now moving in with partner who lives 7 miles away. There's no room in thag house, apparently she's "graciously" turning her dining room into a bedroom. Because there's no room, he can't have them any longer than Friday to Monday at a time and has removed all school holidays.

Looking at the schedule, however, hes left a weeks contact over summer holidays and I'm not sure what he plans re Christmas.

Says that his arrangement keep his nights in band b so child maintenanxe stays as is.

Wasn't expecting that....

Honestly it is all game play.

I would grey rock him.