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Original poster

My child's father won't bring daughter back

73 replies

ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 22:52

I would be grateful for some advice. There is a child arrangements order in place. I am the resident parent, my DD sees her father every other weekend and alternate Christmases. My DD has been with her father this Christmas and is due to come home tomorrow. Her father has told me she is poorly, covered in a rash and is too ill to come home and he will keep her with him until she is better. I'm so upset. Her father refuses to speak to me. Is there anything I can do or do I just have to wait until he says she can come home?

OP posts:
Youbrokemytwatometer · 27/12/2018 22:54

How old is she? Have you spoken to her? Can you collect her?

Original poster
ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 22:56

She is only 3. He won't let me speak to her. Refuses to speak to me. Won't let me collect her as he says she is too ill to travel.

OP posts:
Youbrokemytwatometer · 27/12/2018 23:01

I've no advice, I'm afraid. Just trying to get some background.

Are you concerned for her safety, or just sad at not seeing her an extra day or two? You could ask MN to move your post to legal matters? Or phone your lawyer in the morning if you have reason to be concerned or think he's lying.

Iamnobirdandnonetensnaresme · 27/12/2018 23:04

How was she getting home?
On public transport then maybe if she genuinely is ill it might be too much for her
In a car - one person driving child in back- having a sick child in a car on your own while driving is stressful and potentially if she is sick it could be awful for her.

The not talking to you or allowing you to talk to her must be very troubling for you.

Do you think he is trying to keep her permanently?
Are they in another country or is he from another country and likely to take her abroad?
I can see why you are worried.
They could be genuine reasons but he isn’t being reasonable about it.

Not sure what to suggest. Sorry

Beautyandthe · 27/12/2018 23:04

As the resident parent you have every right to speak to your little one, collect her or have her brought home to you. He needs to have a conversation with you, otherwise you need to inform the police. If you haven't spoken to her, have reason to be concerned and are worried they will take you seriously.

Original poster
ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 23:05

He has mental health issues and I think he is doing this to hurt me. He won't say when she can come home. I don't think I can do a single thing about it.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 27/12/2018 23:06

Stop being so passive and go to see her.

Happyinheels · 27/12/2018 23:07

With a child arrangements order in place, with you as the resident parent, you can involve the police if he fails to return your LO.

QueenDoria · 27/12/2018 23:07

I think you Must be able to ask someone to intervene. Police? SW? If she is so unwell that he won’t let her speak to you can you phone your GP?

Original poster
ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 23:08

Thank you. Her father lives 4 hours away otherwise I would be there now. I will contact the police but I don't think they can do anything as I believe it's a legal matter.

OP posts:
Maryjoyce · 27/12/2018 23:09

Id think the police would be the way to go since you are the resident parent they’d have to

PippilottaLongstocking · 27/12/2018 23:11

If there’s a court order in place then contact the police. They should at least be able to advise you on what to do

Stufftheturkeysholewithholly · 27/12/2018 23:11

Legal or not get your ass to your daughter asap! YOu need to be there, knocking down his door to see her. YOU have every right to be with your sick child and he is behaving dreadfully. The police will not get involved at this stage if your ex is her legal guardian but you hammering down his door might alert them and you can then explain the situation to them yourself if they are called and arrive. Horrible situation to be in but if he is also her legal guardian then really you can do nothing but drive there and make sure she is ok in person.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/12/2018 23:13

I don’t think the police will help but you can try them.

You need to arrange to go there.

Kittykat93 · 27/12/2018 23:18

Call the police. Your daughter is unwell and needs her mother. He cannot stop you from contacting her.

ChristmasSprite · 27/12/2018 23:18

He's under a contact order and denying you access to your sick DD is mental and emotional abuse to you both, call the police to act now under the order.

A breach of an order is an arrestable offence and he is abusing your DD. If she is ill and he's refusing to let her speak to you that could be very distressing for her and wrong on so many levels.

It's sufficient reason to have the order changes to no overnights or unsupervised as clearly he can't be trusted.

When you are the resident parent chances are poorly DC will need comfort from you at times of sickness.

What a sick bastard, and frankly so predictable

MissMalice · 27/12/2018 23:21

A breach of an order is an arrestable offence

Unlikely.

OP - you could try and get an emergency court order by going into the court tomorrow with a C100 filled in. A four hour journey while poorly doesn’t seem like the best idea though. Has she seen a doctor?

ChristmasSprite · 27/12/2018 23:23

Malice read the contact order... The bit where it says about breach...arrest..

MissMalice · 27/12/2018 23:27

The OP hasn’t posted her contact order up here.

It would be astoundingly rare for an arrest to be made in this scenario.

Happyinheels · 27/12/2018 23:34

The police can get involved because he is breaching the contact order.

Original poster
ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 23:35

I just spoke to the Police. They said they can't do anything as it's to do with the family courts and the only thing I can do is to ring Social Services.

OP posts:
MissMalice · 27/12/2018 23:40

The police rarely get involved with civil matters. Family law disputes and contact order breaches are a civil matter unless there is a further serious welfare concern that would warrant them getting involved.

Social services are equally as unlikely to get involved. She’s poorly, not at serious risk of harm.

itbemay · 27/12/2018 23:40

4 hours away or not I'd be on my way straight away.

MissMalice · 27/12/2018 23:42

And when the father doesn’t let the OP in his door, then what?

Happyinheels · 27/12/2018 23:42

I'm so sorry. When I was in a similar situation my solicitor told me I must contact the police. Tomorrow get in touch with your solicitor then to find out what you can do. I don't think social services would do anything because it's a legal matter. Your solicitor will be able to advise you.