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Lone parents

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Original poster

My child's father won't bring daughter back

73 replies

ImaSandyGirl · 27/12/2018 22:52

I would be grateful for some advice. There is a child arrangements order in place. I am the resident parent, my DD sees her father every other weekend and alternate Christmases. My DD has been with her father this Christmas and is due to come home tomorrow. Her father has told me she is poorly, covered in a rash and is too ill to come home and he will keep her with him until she is better. I'm so upset. Her father refuses to speak to me. Is there anything I can do or do I just have to wait until he says she can come home?

OP posts:

PersonaNonGarter · 27/12/2018 23:43

OP, you need to go and see/collect your daughter.

Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 23:45

Ss /police should do a welfare check at least.
Insist on one.

FinallyFree123456789 · 27/12/2018 23:47

When my ex did this police wouldn't get involved until I had a prohibited steps order - which ran alongside the contact order.

You can file for an emergency hearing with no notice to get your daughter back - but that will take time - and I think courts are closed over Christmas.

Police can go and do a welfare check as can social services.
I would be driving the 4 hours to go and collect her and asking for the police to escort me / meet me there.

SummerGems · 27/12/2018 23:48

If he has parental responsibility the police won’t get involved, added to which if she is ill a four hour trip would not likely be in her best interests.

Not speaking to you is distressing, but reality here is that if she’d been ill with you you wouldn’t want to be rigidly sticking to a contact order.

Tell him though that he does need to communicate with you, and that not doing so will leave you no choice but to seek an amendment to the order.

Smeghead90 · 27/12/2018 23:52

You need to go to the family courts asap and get an emergency hearing to get her back. An order for him to return her will be delivered by the court bailiff. The police wont get involved ive been there myself. You need to go back to court. Hope shes back with you soon

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 27/12/2018 23:54

My ex did this. I had a residency order and the police absolutely did get involved.

brizzledrizzle · 27/12/2018 23:55

Is there a reason why you can't go to her?

Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 23:57

If he has mh issues maybe tell Ss you have concerns he can handle a sick dc.

Crookedcolours · 28/12/2018 00:05

If you have a court order it can be enforced, speak to the police

If it comes to it (I've had to do this before) you can apply for an emergency injunction and residency order which can be enforced. I got my son back within 2 days after my ex said I wouldn't see him again

However like I said if you already have a residency order then speak to police

FredaNerkk · 28/12/2018 00:07

Good advice from PPs above to ask police to do a welfare check. Make sure you tell them he has mental health issues, and that your DD is only 3. If you have any other specific concerns, make sure you mention those too.

I'm not a family lawyer, but this is what I would recommend if you don't have a solicitor you can talk to who knows your case:

You send him an email (not just a text - so you can use a copy as evidence if needs be), saying that if he fails to return her tomorrow he will be in breach of the court order - unless you agree with him. Tell him you want to assess the situation yourself - as she ought to be in your care from tomorrow, and since you have parental responsibility you should be involved in decisions about her medical care. Tel him that if he refuses or ignores you, you will not hesitate to take appropriate steps that are open to you - including via the legal system if necessary. Ask him to send you some photos of the rash immediately - by email or by text message. And ask him to let you speak to your DD immediately. Ask him what treatment he has been giving her (if she is so ill he has presumably been doing something), and whether he has contacted a doctor, and if so the name/address of the doctor.

If you get no reasonable response, seek an emergency court order showing them your email, and the lack of reasonable reply. Even if it takes awhile to get action from the court over the christmas/new year period it will help to have it on record, so if he does it again he will get into more serious trouble.

Keep your emails calm and business-like, even though you are probably very upset. Imagine a judge reading them.

Original poster

ImaSandyGirl · 28/12/2018 00:25

Thank you all so much. I'm not in a good way. Spoke to police and social services and they can do nothing. My ex could keep this going for weeks, keep on saying shes too ill to travel, keep refusing to speak to me . Please can you tell me what I need to do legally to get her home. I don't have a solicitor. God this is a nightmare. i have all her Christmas presants under the tree for her. I'm beside myself with worry. I just need her home.

OP posts:

Fanjita1 · 28/12/2018 00:30

Can you not travel to collect her?

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 28/12/2018 00:31

Try the police again and tell them you believe she's in danger.

Then go and get her.

Original poster

ImaSandyGirl · 28/12/2018 00:35

I could go to get her my my ex physically wouldn't let me take her. He'd say she was unfit to travel. The man at social services said this was a valid reason too. I just feel powerless.

OP posts:

2018ismyyear2018 · 28/12/2018 00:43

OP the Court should be open tomorrow. Fill out a C100 and possibly c1a and ask for a without notice specific issue order that your daughter be returned to your care in accordance with the order that is already in place.

Go to the Court which made your original order with a copy of that order and your c100 with 5 copies. The fee is 215 you may need to see if you are eligible for fee remission. Make your concerns about his mental health clear.

This bits important. Once you are ready to go to Court, forms filled out etc. Let your ex know what you are doing by text. Tell him you want him to attend Court even if by telephone. Then you can say to the court you gave him short informal notice of the hearing put on your c100 that you will be doing that too.

You may need a process server to serve him with the order afterwards. You will have to Google process servers. Ideally if you get the order you should attend the address with the process server to collect your child. If he still doesn't play ball the process server should call the police and I think at that stage you should tell them your concerns re his mental health.

Good luck

redfruitgum · 28/12/2018 00:47

At age 3 and having a rash I would have gone there myself as I wouldn't be able to sleep without worry.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 28/12/2018 00:51

I could go to get her my my ex physically wouldn't let me take her. He'd say she was unfit to travel. The man at social services said this was a valid reason too. I just feel powerless.

Well, it is a valid reason, which I'm sure you can see if you just step back from the panic for a moment. You are obviously worried and slightly panicked about this situation. Why is that? Do you have reason to suspect that your DD's father may abscond with her or harm her? I realise that you want her home because you've missed her over Christmas and want to give her presents to her, but unless you believe she's in danger, then your wish to have her home doesn't trump her health and comfort.

That said, it is unacceptable that he won't let you speak to her. I would call him (at a reasonable hour) and demand that you speak to her. I would also tell him that as she is due to be back with you tomorrow, you will be travelling up to see her so that the pair of you can make a decision together on how ill she is and whether she can travel.

ChristmasSprite · 28/12/2018 02:20

It needs a doctors say so, not the word of an abuser, or being shut down by ss!

They are supposed to be protecting DC, this is preposterous. Yes, insist, with police, to assist you at the door to see DC and return to you or emergency dp appt. He's an abuser, so he cannot be trusted and has broken his order.

Weenurse · 28/12/2018 02:24

💐 good luck

UnicornSlaughters · 28/12/2018 03:00

Previous posters have given excellent advice about the legal side of things. I too would demand a welfare check from the police, just to put your mind at ease. Then straight to court to get her back. Good luck OP.

2018ismyyear2018 · 28/12/2018 04:24

Given that she is only due back tomorrow Don't Make Me Shush You is probably right in the first instance. Sorry I missed that she was only due back tomorrow. Then if he won't hand over and you feel he should follow my suggestion above

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2018 13:16

Has she been seen by a doctor ? Kids bounce back quickly so surprised he knows she will be ill tomorrow when she's due back

RLOU30 · 28/12/2018 13:23

No advice I am afraid but I wish your daughter home safely to you ASAP. You must be beside yourself. OP

Santaisonthesherry · 28/12/2018 13:36

Any news op? I would be at his door I am afraid.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 28/12/2018 14:29

I mean it is a valid reason for a child not to travel 4 hours. But has she seen a GP? He won’t even allowed her mother to talk to her. That’s unacceptable. I think I’d turn up

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