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Original poster

One Night Stand

61 replies

Lizadork · 05/11/2018 23:32

At 15, I was an idiot and very emotionally damaged. I got pregnant on purpose by a one night stand. I can't excuse it. I won't. My past is just what it is.

Now 22, I have a 7 year old and I have Facebook details for my ONS. We never spoke again after that one night. I am not sure what to do. I feel guilt. I am in a better place but I haven't fully come to terms with what I did and how it impacts us all. Not sure if telling is more about me than what is best for them.

I don't know what to do.

I've kept my ONS a secret for years. My parents think a jerk broke my heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizadork · 06/11/2018 16:43

I answered questiones, one of which was about maintenance - money is not something I am focused on from ONS, it just simply any money from any source would be helpful. I do struggle even though my parents help as much as they can, it's hard.

Maintenance and contact for me are separate issues. Courts take that view too.

OP posts:
comeasyouare1 · 06/11/2018 16:51

Absolutely. Maintenance and contact are viewed separately. Ignore the moral high grounders, we've all done things with hindsight and maturity we would have done differently. He will have a right to see his child, but equally he is legally obligated to pay. I guess you need to weigh everything up, the impact of each decision on you, your little one and him. No one here can tell you what to do, and ignore any judgements of you

comeasyouare1 · 06/11/2018 16:56

I should add that as he won't be on the birth certificate he does not have parental responsibility at this time, but he could acquire that with a court order or your agreement.

Original poster
Lizadork · 06/11/2018 18:28

Thank you Comeasyouare1

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 06/11/2018 18:47

OP I totally get why you did what you did, when you didn't tell him. You were 15. We all made stupid mistakes then. We don't really understand the far reaching consequences of stuff.

As pp said, maybe don't tell your parents you got pregnant on purpose. But, if you are now wanting to face this as an adult. Tell you parents that he didn't break your heart. If they have supported you, they deserve that at least.

Yes maintainence and visitation are 2 different things. But you do need to consider what happens if he wants to be on the bc and see her, but is also shit at paying. It's ok saying they are different, but I understand why resident parents get frustrated in this situation.

Or on the other hand he wants the child, eventually, 50:50.

He deserves to know, your child deserves to know more. But you need to prepare yourself.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 06/11/2018 19:25

To be honest what you have done is disgusting.
You had a child and didn’t even tell the father and now you want to just say oh by the way you have a 7 year, Hand over your cash but I don’t want you to see him’

You need to have a proper look at yourself.

spacefighter · 06/11/2018 19:28

Oh fuck off! At 15 she made the best decision she could. I wonder what kind of decision you would of made when you were 15.

comeasyouare1 · 06/11/2018 19:38

@Howdoyoudoit31 what @spacefighter said! Jog on with your perfect life where you've made no mistakes...... 

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 19:50

@spacefighter how the hell did she make the best decision she could ? She made a bloody vile decision and didn't tell someone they have a child she's took 7 years of this mans time with his child, he will never get that back. She shouldn't be posting on here she should be writing out an apology to him it's disgusting the way some women treat men

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 19:51

Mistakes don't last 7 fucking years

nameuseroriginal · 06/11/2018 19:56

7 years is a long time to finally do the right thing. Sounds to me like you're after the cash.

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 06/11/2018 20:06

To be honest what you have done is disgusting.

You need to have a proper look at yourself.

Nobody is perfect, especially the man who had sex with a 15 year old girl.

Perhaps she did him a favour by not telling him, as he could have a record for Unlawful sex with a minor now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/11/2018 20:06

Who does your son think his father is? How would you explain the truth to him? What if the father wants to be involved when hi finds out?

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 20:08

It should be against the law to Wollongong not tell someone when they have a child. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your not 15 anymore you've had 7 years to sort this out

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 20:08

Willingly *

comeasyouare1 · 06/11/2018 20:10

@daisy877 it's also against the law for an 18 year old man to have sexual contact and/or intercourse with a minor, or is that irrelevant to you? Ever heard of child sexual exploitation? Or do you blame the young girls?

MysticFlyTrap · 06/11/2018 20:12

Hmmm he was 18, you were 15. So him having sex with you was wrong. I'm not sure I would want him involved with your child and after 7 years I would leave it for now until your child is old enough to understand and choose whether he wants to see him first before telling the father. If he is only 7 it's a lot to take on board for your child especially if the father doesn't accept him.

You made a mistake, but he did to by sleeping with a minor.

CandyCreeper · 06/11/2018 20:20

i wonder if he knew the op was15, its possible he didnt.

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 06/11/2018 20:26

Not sure if that's an excuse by law though @CandyCreeper

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 20:53

@comeasyouare1 who the fuck said he was 18 ??? Why are you making up information for no reason

whatbeshrekking · 06/11/2018 20:56

@daisy877 calm yourself  OP said it.

TwistedStitch · 06/11/2018 20:57

OP did daisy. Did you not even get as far as her second post in your rush to come on and give her a kicking?

daisy877 · 06/11/2018 21:18

So because he was 18 it means he wasn't allowed to know he had a child seriously your all talking a massive load of shit. She's done wrong and needs to make it up to the man and there child. There's no excuses anymore she's an adult and had let this go on for far too long.

comeasyouare1 · 06/11/2018 21:28

And this 'person' @daisy877 is the reason so many young people are labelled when they are actually vulnerable. By law you are not an adult until 18 and sex with a child under 16 is illegal and carries a hefty sentence. But of course, blame the OP who was a child when this happened.... regardless of all of that, you're nasty, rude and ignorant to clear factual information- you didn't read her post, you attacked. As you can see, I did not pluck an age out of thin air. There will be many factors surrounding this situation. Have a think about the impact of your words even if you are a keyboard warrior, the OP is a real person with feelings. Hopefully she'll ignore your uneducated swearing rants, go and take your ignorance elsewhere

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 06/11/2018 22:07

Well said @comeasyouare1