midweek contact

[neva]

My ex has regular weekend contact with our dd, 6. Now she tells me he want to see her midweek. Last time I agreed to this, they ended up in a pub. She didn't get back until past her bedtime - and had school the next day. Any ideas?

It's not up to her to tell you actually, he should approach you himself (or via his solicitor) about this. Using a 6 year old as an emissary is not on.

If he does approach you, ask him for an assurance that he'll do something that is beneficial to her - ie no pubs, no late nights. Not in a confrontational, aggressive way, just along the lines of "last time you took her to a pub and she was tired at school the next day, so would you bear it in mind and make sure that you get her back in good time for bed?"

And if he does the same thing, just don't let her go again. Keep a diary of it so that if he takes you to court, you have evidence that he is not using his contact to pursue his DD's welfare.

Thanks VSS for your advice. I know some parents agree regular midweek contact, but I imagine this only really works where dad is reliable, does homework with them, feeds them properly etc.