Quick help on how to respond to latest message from ex?

[Melody1234]

Hi, I need your help on how to respond. My ex was very controlling and has continued to try to be controlling since we split a year ago. I try to keep the communications limited to the minimum required regarding LO, but even within that he is aggressive and pushy and I have to keep re-asserting my boundaries.

Today is my birthday, and I got this message:

"Happy Birthday Melody! I hope your best years are yet to come. Life and times move on, but the happy memories of times spent with you will remain permanently etched in my heart. Have a great day!!"

I know you may feel I'm over-reacting, but honestly, this message ruined my day. I didn't want to have to think about him today, let alone this ** about his heart and memories. How would you write back to say please don't send this stuff, just keep it limited to what we need to communicate regarding LO? I can't find the words...

Just don't say anything. Delete it and forget about it. He may want a response I knew it would annoy you so he is expecting a reply. By not sending one your then showing your the stronger person and that will annoy him more x

He's looking for a reaction. Don't give him one. Ignore it. Happy birthday.

I would ignore it, don’t give him any reason to respond. He’ll give up eventually.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Happy birthday xxx

Is he likely to do that though, ie restrict communications in the way that you want? My XH would be likely to continue as normal, and be pleased that he had got a reaction. Can you grit your teeth, and either ignore or just say 'thanks' and then ring someone sympathetic to offload? I know its really aggravating. If its any consolation, eventually the offspring are old enough that you have very little contact with Other Parents.

Ignore! Enjoy your birthday!

Don't respond..

If he ever asks in person just say... Yes I saw it... Nothing more

Honestly I think I would just ignore it, as tough as that is! If he's controlling then he might just be doing it to get a reaction from you.

If you ask him not to do it he will know it got to you, as petty as that may sound.

Happy birthday though & hope you enjoy the rest of it!

Happy Birthday Melody !
Delete and ignore his message.

Definitely ignore.

If you feel like you need to respond maybe write out what you would like to say to him in a blank email, but don't send it.

I agree with other posters that he is looking for a response.

Oh and Happy Birthday!

Ignore Ignore Ignore!

Don't engage.

Think of all the good bits about your day. His message has no bearing on them.

I’d ignore too - he isn’t worth the head space! Happy birthday

Happy birthday

My general rule for dealing people who desperately want a reaction from me, is that is the absolute last thing they’ll get

Pisses control freaks off no end!

You don’t respond to that at all. You don’t respond to anything that isn’t a question about contact arrangements.

🍾🥂Happy Birthday!! 🌷🎂🍰🍫🎈🎉.🎁🛍 (All the essentials!)

Don’t allow him to spoil your day any further. He’s NOT worth it.

I’d just reply ‘Thank you for the Birthday wishes’ Don’t ignore, don’t get wound up, don’t show him it bothered you...reply as if he’s the bloke next door. A polite ‘thank you’ then he gets nothing out of the exchange. Anything else you’re feeding him - even ignoring him is feeding him because it shows you were bothered by it.

Hope you’ve got something nice planned for tonight?!

Happy Birthday OP!

Ignore the twat, and put him out of your mind. He's nothing. Have a wine and a cake and enjoy your day!

Ignore. He knows you and knows what this text will do.

Happy birthday x

I'd simply reply with "thank you for the birthday wishes" and then something about your LO that needs arranging. Keep it practical and matter of fact.

Otherwise, you'll just get accused of being rude at some point in the future. He'll use your lack of reply as ammo. I'd ignore or the other sentimental crap in the text though.

Most definitely ignore and enjoy the rest of your birthday

Thanks everybody -- wow, unanimous response!

My concern with not responding at all is, as WildFlower said, that I will be accused of being rude when he is making so much effort to be friendly and amicable blah blah. And I feel responding with a bland response will give him a green light to do this again... I feel I really want to respond with a clear boundary, but you are all right that there's a risk he'll be delighted to have pushed my buttons...

I've drafted this....

"Well for me that is all in the past and I would rather not dwell on it. We have both moved on and have serious relationships with each of our partners; your message about your heart is inappropriate. Please don't send me birthday wishes and other greetings, I would be more comfortable if our communication is limited to what is necessary for coordinating LO. Thanks."

Nooooooo don't send that! You're giving him too much head space.

Just say, "Thanks" and ignore any further texts.

Do not message him back Op, ex's are like wild-fire, best to take away the fuel, so ignore.

Happy birthday to you

Why do you care if he thinks you’re rude? Who cares? He’s being a knob, you’re allowed to be rude. Ignore him. Don’t send anything at all.

Another don't send that, just ignore. If he says something just say, "yes, I got the message " ignore when you can, neutral when you can't.