Spiteful behaviour from XP

[Janos]

He has really upset me again, just when things are on an even keel.

This weekend I was supposed to be taking my DS down to my parents (I live about 150 miles away from home)for a long overdue visit.

XP has decided, out of the blue to take DS to down to his parents in South Wales as he has arranged a business trip. Tomorrow night. Until late Sunday. Just on a whim. He 'forgot' to tell me about this. So in addition to my upset, mum and sister will be hurt and disappointed as well.

I know this probably doesn't sound like a 'big deal' but it's typical of the sneaky, passive aggressive tricks he pulls to keep me under control. Why does he have to be so hurtful?

Mind you DS probably wanto do anything with his horrible cowbag mother who just seems to spend all her time losing her temper, being exhausted and a general bad mother.

Sorry, just so tired, fed up and hurt.

Why should his plans take precedence over yours?

i dont understand that either dusty. sounds like you need to get something set in stone so he cant do this.

I am sorry you are going through this, can't you just stand up to him and tell him to off sod ?

Does your ds live with you? In which case tell your xp to sod off as you already have plans.

Sorry I wasn't being very clear. DS is not with me full time. We have joint custody and I normally have him 3-4 days a week. Wed night - Sunday morning are XPs usual days but
I had discussed this with him earlier but he claims to have 'forgotten' about it.

Yes, I should stand up to him. I realise I must sound spineless but am very worn down at the moment.

You do not sound spineless, you sound tired and fed up. It is difficult when they 'forget' about any changes to an arrangement. I am sorry that I don't have any advice re: this weekend but perhaps any future changes could be confirmed by email or note, just so you/he has a record of them. Are you happy with the arrangement you have, it must make it difficult for you and your children to spend time with family and friends.

you dont sound spineless at all, i know what its like i have been there! it sounds like you have a bit of a crap deal here, is there any chance you can swop so you have every other weekend? should benefit xp aswell and then you both (and more importantly ds knows!) where you stand

Janos sounds like you ex has all the best days which is unfair, could you not alternate so you both get your son 2 weekends per month, it seems very much in your ex's favour.

I agree if you have joint custody, then you need to have equal weekends.

Otherwise one party only gets the work part of the week not the leisure part and that is not a good deal, either for that party, or for your child.

I would moot the idea of one weekend on one weekend off.

Then you're not dependent on his goodwill for arrangements.

Thank you all, sorry I haven't been around for a while to answer.

I am going to ask for alternate weekends. I think that will be a good arrangement for all of us.

On thinking about it, XP is not necessarily spiteful, just supremely thoughtless... and having a proper arrangement is probably the best way to avoid this kind of upset.