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Original poster

kids on first holiday with dad & I cant contact him

88 replies

mistressmiggins · 28/05/2007 21:12

I hate this

ex has kids once a month (cos lives so far away)
weekend is ok - this is the first time in 18 mths that he has decided to take them away for the week

dont get me wrong, Im glad as its half term so good for DS, but I cant contact exH. Have sent him a txt asking him how kids are (my DS 5 had fever on Sat & went away even though dr advised NOT travelling) and I just want ex to let me know they are ok
YES I know they r OK, but I just want a simple response

my children are 5 & nearly 3 so obviously I miss them & am wondering about them

why cant he just reply?

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 29/05/2007 07:17

mm - what a horrid situatuion

glitterfairy · 29/05/2007 09:11

OH MM I really feel for you. My X took away the mobile to prevent my eldest calling last summer. She doesnt see him now and it is on account of these type of behaviours. Kids vote with their feet eventually and this sort of behaviour comes back to haunt these prats.

I hope you find they are fine and happy I really do. Sending loads of positive vibes.

noddyholder · 29/05/2007 09:27

I think when he gets back you need to may it very clear that this is not acceptible and you will be making visitation changes to ensure it doesn't happen again.Selfish pig imo

Surfermum · 29/05/2007 10:17

I think your best bet MM would be to ask someone else to contact him and when they speak to him ask if they're OK. It is perfectly possible that he hasn't had your text as there is no signal where they are. We have been to places in Cornwall where this is the case and we haven't ventured out of where we are staying until Monday/Tuesday and even then are in and out of signal. If someone else can get in touch with him you'll know he's ignoring you, if they can't then maybe it is actually his signal.

However, if before they left you asked to be informed when they arrive and that they are OK then he's being an idiot for not doing that. It isn't much to ask. If he's playing a game where he's refusing to contact you I just wouldn't buy into it. I really don't think these suggestions of going to Court and refusing to allow him to take the children away is the answer. That will just inflame things and from the sound of him he will just dig his heels in even more. Just because he's refusing to reply doesn't mean he's planning on abducting them and running away to a foreign country never to be seen again. He's just being a prat, don't buy into it.

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 10:23

What a prat. He doesn't deserve to have them IMHO. You poor poor thing - how awful for you not to hear that your children are ok. This is game playing of the worst kind.

I hope he sees sense and contacts you soon.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2007 10:24

Keep a log and see a solicitor BEFORE he goes away in August.

Matilda's approach sounds good - get it ALL in writing before he's allowed to go anywhere with them.

If he's going to be an arsehole, well, then he'll have to learn to do it to the solicitors as well.

Prick.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 13:43

finally after another 2 txts plus phoning him this morning (he didnt answer), he has decided to reply.
"kids fine. been on beach today"

when I txt back saying he could have respnded sooner as I have been concerned owing to DS's health, he replied "left phone in car. didnt want work to ring"

well just cancel call if they phone
he knows what my number is....

have told him thats not acceptable & he needs to have his phone near him.
told him Im ringing later to speak to the kids. Am now going to phone every night & if it annoys HER, then tough. She should have thought of that when she started an affair with a married dad of 2

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/05/2007 13:57

He's playing games so she won't get 'upset'.

Well, fuck that.

I'd be sure to see a solicitor BEFORE he takes them away in August about contacting you whilst he is away.

Also about contact during his visitation time.

tribpot · 29/05/2007 14:39

Glad you've heard back. To be honest, even if we leave aside the issue of the fact she is the Spawn of Satan, why would it 'annoy' her that you call to speak to your children? When they're old enough I guess you'll provide them with a mobile phone of their own but as that isn't practical now, you have to call on his phone. He doesn't even need to speak to you I guess, he can just hand the phone to your 5 year-old and say "mummy's calling to speak to you".

Speccy · 29/05/2007 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winnie · 29/05/2007 14:46

I am glad you have heard something. Hope you get to speak to the children this evening.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 15:00

I totally agree Tribot but for some reason I really annoy her
thats why Im not allowed to phone the house when the kids are there - my H has specifically asked me to phone his mobile
she must be very insecure if she cant bear him having contact or txts off me but how stupid is that???

I only ever contact him when he has the kids otherwise I dont bother - why would I?

she does make it hard for us which I find ironical considering she was involved from the start

lets hope he doesnt play stupid rest of the week. I only want to speak to the children - I never ask to chat with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 15:07

he talks totally differently to me depending on whether hes in the car alone or at home with her in the house.
if alone, he chats & tries to make small talk telling me about things that have happened at work like Im interested
if at home, hes curt & abrupt

sad really as obviously treating me badly doesnt make for a happy house does it.

roll on Sat lunchtime when they come home - my little girl's 3rd bday

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/05/2007 15:16

I guess you can understand her insecurity - you know the old saying "a man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy"? He was prepared to leave you, he'll be prepared to leave her when someone else takes his fancy. She'll get what's coming to her in due course! Surely under the circs she should be gracious; after all, she's "won" (albeit a rather dubious prize in my view!)

Hope dd has a lovely birthday! Is 3 too young for a mobile?!

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 15:30

I quite agree & cant understand it all
I understand why she might feel insecure but giving him a hard time over me is hardly attractive AND knowing my H he will hate having this "battle" of trying to keep us both happy
I actually feel sorry for her BUT all I want to do is speak to my children.

I guess I could give my son a mobile but hes only 5.
shouldnt need to - how hard is it to answer & pass it to the chidlren

thanks for usual support ladies

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/05/2007 16:02

MM - I dont want to rile you up, and I am glad he saw sense and replied, but, really - this isnt good enough.

There is no acceptable reason that it should be so complicated for you to just talk to your children when they are with him, or to simply find out how they are.

You are their mother fgs, and their main carer. A family court - all things considered in this case - would take a dim view of his behaviour (i.e. he is putting his mistress/partner before his children and contact with their mother).

She is behaving like a petulant child - and he is allowing her to! They are your children - if they were on a playdate you would expect to be able to ring on the landline and find out how they were - why should it be any different when going there? There is absolutely no good reason why you cannot ring her landline to speak to YOUR children who are staying in HER house.

Please please please record all these incidents. Not to make things difficult for him, but, to make things easy on you and your children - the two of them has caused this upset - there is no reason on Earth why you and your children should have to be so put out by this. They should be accommodating YOU and YOUR children.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/05/2007 16:03

Selfish selfish selfish.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 16:06

it is a mild form of bullying to be honest
I had an incident with them a month back where his mobile had accidentally phoned my house. So I phoned his house to ask him to switchf off, and she answered. I got a barrage of abuse from him becuse of something she told him I'd said & finally the following evening, he apologised & believed my version. I explained upsetting me when home alone with HIS children was disrespectful & not on which he conceded.

so you see I dont believe he wants to stop me phoning - just has to make his own life easier. Im at work now & he has just said I have to phone by 5pm as they are going out. so will have ot phone from work which isnt exactly good but never mind.

Im glad to see that Im being reasonable - sometimes when people tell you enough you're wrong, you believe it

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/05/2007 16:09

so you see I dont believe he wants to stop me phoning - just has to make his own life easier.

That not YOUR problem, that's his.

Why cut him any slack when it stresses you out not to be able to contact him about the kids because he's trying to make his life easier?

WTF? He's a father, ffs.

I'd log all these incidents and be on the horn to speak to your solicitor as soon as.

It might even make his life easier if he can say to the mistress, 'Look, the court says the kids' mother gets to call here, so chill out about it.'

tribpot · 29/05/2007 16:23

"Im at work now & he has just said I have to phone by 5pm as they are going out"

I see that H has not yet fully grasped the concept of a MOBILE phone. Where are they going, under the sea?! Cheeky barsteward.

Spawn of Satan really has got some issues, hasn't she, if she's making stuff up about what you've said to her ... like she wants him to keep proving that even though he LEFT you for her, it's her he really wants ...

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 16:28

well quite & he genuinely did believe me because it was a swearing issue & I dont swear in RL.
cant be bothered to play games regarding the phone - I will try to phone when I finish & hope they havent gone out

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 29/05/2007 23:26

Wow, sounds like my ex and his wife. Luckily we had no children together. My ex ran off with this woman who then proceeded to freak out every time my name was brought up by any of their friends! My ex still calls me behind her back and we have been divorced for 13 years. (Of course my revenge was easy, since after marrying her he went off and had numerous affairs including one that produced a child while she was having troubles getting pregnant with her own.)

matilda57 · 30/05/2007 07:41

She doesn't want to hear from you bcs she's got a guilty conscience and doesn't want to be reminded of what she's done - wants it all to GO AWAY. It is such a selfish age

Well, it's not going to go away. Dear God MM - you feel SORRY for her?? She is behaving like a child. Like you say, she nicks your husband, father to two kids, and she DOESN'T WANT TO BE REMINDED that she did that, wants the truth slotted out of the way.

You haven't mentioned whether your situation is covered legally MM. I know someone said it was inflammatory to go to the courts, but imo there's something about the male psyche that needs strong boundaries (horrible word) ie if you don't lay down the law they can very easily take the piss. I'm thinking of my 16 yr old son here, but some men (an awful lot these days!) don't seem to grow beyond that stage. GRRRR

I'm SO CROSS to hear he chatters away to you like you're pals, demanding you are some kind of support system to him . Plus expects you to kneel to her needs. Beggars belief really.

Please hun, get this tightly buttoned down legally ie when he goes away with the kids, he has to ring you immediately they arrive to say they're safe, plus regular updates at a set time each day, with the opportunity to speak to them. They are very little and will be missing you. The courts will recognise that.

Plus the little madam is going to HAVE to face the reality of the situation she was instrumental in producing. It's not going to go away!

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 30/05/2007 08:43

spoke to the children yesterday as soon as I left work - they chattered away telling me all about their day & asking me about mine.
I then told H that I will be phoning again tonight so thats that sorted.

Im glad I posted this thread cos sometimes I think Im going mad over all this contact & phoning when they are at their dads. I havent got contact agreed in so much as we have sorted it between ourselves but I think when he gets back I will make it clear that I can phone his house if I cant get through to the mobile & that I can phone every night while they are away - I dont usually as its not worth the hassle for me.

I guess a marriage full of subtle bullying/being told what I can or cant do is hard to shake.

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/05/2007 09:54

Good for you, MM. In this age of caller id it's perfectly simple for the Spawn to avoid speaking to you if you call the home phone. You stick up for your rights (and if in doubt, the MN posse will ensure you do!)