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Original poster

kids on first holiday with dad & I cant contact him

88 replies

mistressmiggins · 28/05/2007 21:12

I hate this

ex has kids once a month (cos lives so far away)
weekend is ok - this is the first time in 18 mths that he has decided to take them away for the week

dont get me wrong, Im glad as its half term so good for DS, but I cant contact exH. Have sent him a txt asking him how kids are (my DS 5 had fever on Sat & went away even though dr advised NOT travelling) and I just want ex to let me know they are ok
YES I know they r OK, but I just want a simple response

my children are 5 & nearly 3 so obviously I miss them & am wondering about them

why cant he just reply?

OP posts:
Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/05/2007 22:37

I agree on the visitation - wont stop that BUT if I have to answer my home phone EVERY time he phones during week to speak to them (and if I dont cos we're out, he phones my mobile) how come its ok for him to ignore me?

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 28/05/2007 22:39

what expat said. they are v young. you are their primary carer. if he wishes to have the responsibility of caring for them fore a week he must take the responsibility of being able to communicate with you about their welfare...... tosser. . when they are safely back write to him (keep a copy) and ask for a written reply as to how hwe suggests you resolve this.....
decide what you want him to do...... ie phone on arrival / phone if dc's want to speak with you / phone asap if anything goes wrong / phone in middle of holiday / phone to say safely returned etc. AND TO ANSWER YOU IF YOU CALL / TEXT.
good luck

Speccy · 28/05/2007 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/05/2007 22:41

he is a selfish tw@t which is prob why expat said what she did as she has followed my situation for last 18 mths
nothing ex does should surprise me but it does cos I try to see best in people !

OP posts:
macdoodle · 28/05/2007 22:59

If you set your phone to let you now when messages are delivered you will at least know if he has got the text (I used to do this with D cheating H at least would know if phone was off or was ignoring me) small consolation I know ...

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/05/2007 23:01

my phone v ancient - cant do that!

OP posts:
Speccy · 28/05/2007 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowwonder · 28/05/2007 23:05

you should be able to find out how they are my friend has an srrangement that she phones her daughter between 6-7 when daughter is with her ex,

and her ex phones in the week between these times to speak to there dd aswell,

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:08

what a bastard. Though, sadly, I have very similar experiences I'm afraid MM. So petty!

All our do-das were pinned down in a court order. If he mucked about like this (and he so DID, over and over!) then I got it written into the court order that if he took the kids away, he had to arrive at a specific time, give me exact details of where they were staying and for how long, with direct phone contact; that he should ring me at set times to let me know kids were safe. Etc Etc Etc. You get the picture. If you have a lawyer, contact them asap with this latest. It is not acceptable behaviour and the courts will take a dim view of it.

He is playing games, and imo you have to rap him smartly on the knuckles in the courts to get him to heel. Shouldn't HAVE to do it of course, but moronic behaviour like this forces you to.

HOpe you are reassured soon hun. Next time - well, will there be a next time? He has to learn to behave before there's a next time....

thelittleElf · 28/05/2007 23:12

Ah the joys of men This is all sounding very familiar i'm afraid. The parents of my charges are divorced, and when they are with their dad they are NOT allowed to talk to their mum (he even takes eldest's mobile away ), yet when they are with mum he EXPECTS to be able to talk to them. He is abroad with the children, alone, and i can't even begin to tell you the problems we've had to deal with lately . I agree with the advice about getting someone else to call him! It sounds like typical male behaviour to me [rolls eyes]
Hope you get a response from him tomorrow

snowwonder · 28/05/2007 23:17

i wonder if it is done on purpose to ruin our time without our children and make it even more awful

thelittleElf · 28/05/2007 23:19

I reckon it's all about power . Almost to the point of "this is MY time with them, and YOU are not getting in the way" .
What most men don't realise is how much actions like this can have an effect on the children

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:36

SO TRUE littleElf! the worst my vile ex did was not tell me when dd went into hospital on 'his' weekend with suspected meningitis. ('I was under the impression you didn't wish to be disturbed' ) Even though she was calling for me all weekend. SOB

thelittleElf · 28/05/2007 23:44

OMFG that is just pure nastiness . It makes me so sad when i hear all these stories . I may not be a mum, but as a professional nanny, children are the heart of my life!
I do believe though, that all those children in the world who at one time or another are 'wronged' will at some point in the future, 'have THEIR say' . My charges are due to make a decision soon about who they will live with.......lets just say i KNOW who they'll be choosing

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:48

What makes me so MAD is how the lo's are put through the hell of the court/legal process bcs of these power mad little shits who parted with a bit of sperm to make them.

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:48

Sorry, getting SUPER mad here

expatinscotland · 28/05/2007 23:50

Great idea, matilda. Because honestly, no more taking them abroad if he's going to pull stunts like htis AND I'd write him about his ignoring you when you ahve the kids and ask how he will resolve this.

I'd make a log, too, of how many times I tried to contact him.

And how much is a 3-year-old who is clingy to her mother suffering because her dad is playing childish games with her mother whom he ditched for some ho?

thelittleElf · 28/05/2007 23:51

It's ok i completely understand where you're coming from. I'v cried so many times during all this, that i've almost lost count .
It's so unfair that they (the twatty men) seem to have NO problem in using their OWN flesh and blood as emotional weapons

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:55

They'll use anything to cause maximum hurt. Something wrong with them upstairs imo. The courts don't like this behaviour ONE BIT - not bcs they're protecting either parent necessarily, but bcs they know that behaviour like this abuses the kids.

Do you know where they are MM? I'd be tempted to get in the car and turn up....

SofiaAmes · 28/05/2007 23:57

I think his behavior is completely unacceptable and anyone who knows my posts knows how imprtant I think the father's participation is. Children who are 5 and 2 should be able to speak to both parents every day. And if they are away with the non-custodial parent for any length of time (more than one night) then a call to the other parent shoudl be made every night. I am married to the father of my children and I wouldn't dream of leaving them with him and not speaking to them every night. And in fact, my dh lives in another country (long story), but not only does he speak to the chidlren every day, but we do a video conference almost every day too so they can see him.
I think that you need to make it clear to him that he must phone every night and let the children talk to you whether they are there for one night or 7. And that doesn't mean he has to talk to you if he doesn't want to...he can perfectly well dial the number and put them on. It's not really about you checking up on him, it's more about kids that age needed contact with their mother (and father) on a daily basis.

thelittleElf · 28/05/2007 23:58

I'm sure if a solicitor is involved, then they are meant to let you know where the children are...could be wrong though .

matilda57 · 28/05/2007 23:59

btw I've got the drift on this thread that ex is thinking of taking kids abroad MM? Honey, get every single detail you possibly can through the courts, dated and stamped. I would also be wary of him taking them abroad until they are much older (and can get home themselves if anything happens iyswim). I eventually let my kids go abroad with their dad (who was a foreigner, so I had to be particularly careful), but he mucked about at the last minute (pulled a stunt) and I cancelled it days before departure. Hard on the kids, but I couldn't risk it. (they understood btw)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/05/2007 00:02

he's being a total arsehole.

Especially in light of news recently. LOg all this MM>

Aitch · 29/05/2007 00:57

crackers, absolutely crackers. you're their mum, i'd have thought you'd expect to speak to them once a day at least. you should be logging this, vvv's right.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 29/05/2007 06:52

am going to ring him this morning
if I dont hear anything today, my parents by some fluke are off on a 3 day holiday VERY near to where they are staying. I will send them to the campsite to find him if he refuses to answer my phone

hes such a prat - no need to ignore me - I only wanted a "they are fine" txt

hes not taking them abroad in Aug (not asked to yet)

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