harassment from xp!

[Debra1981]

evening all, here goes, split from violent drunk abusive h last july, i took baby to see him regularly til dec when he assaulted me again, then started contact centre visits, around which he continued to harass me by phone til march when he received both a formal last-chance warning from police to cool it or be arrested, and a formal warning from sol's warning cool it or get injunction order so he wont be able to contact me at all. guess what, today he phoned 17 times, abusive, threatening, i told him after no. 3 i'd call police if any more and he called back said 'well best call 'em then bitch, i'll come and see you soon as i'm released'. all because i rang to ask him not to feed dd so much chocolate at visits that shes sick after. i'm shaken and i'm livid. so i've logged it with police but my mum who i live with is worried basically that if i make a formal complaint he will come and kill us all, or at least be even more abusive.help!! what do i do??? do i risk it and get him arrested, or get an injunction, or both, or neither???? and hes still banging on about overnight child contact at his house!!! aargh. poo-head! i wish v bad things on him!

Debra, I have no practical knowledge that would help you here, but wanted to bump this up a bit. I'm tempted to say that a violent, abusive man will be violent and abusive whether or not you report him, but that might be complete bollocks. I'm hoping that some of the other ladies will have something more useful to say. Have you contacted any of the domestic abuse helplines?

please check out this website

it gives you information on refuges & legal protection

You need to contact the police.

They will put you in contact with the appropriate DV liason officer, and deal with your ex appropriately.

Bullies thrive on their victims not reporting them.

where do you live do you have any friends that live futher away that you could go stay with for awhile until things calm down

and yes you do have to report him before it gets worse possibly harming your child or yourself or even ur mother

not yet. i kinda agree that he probably will continue either way, but i hate the idea of him thinking he can act like a total arse and interrupt my whole day whenever he feels like with no repurcussions (sp?) on him. i'm planning to speak to my solicitor in the morning, and the domestic violence unit of the local police, hopefully they'll have experience of likely fallout of various options and which are most likely to yield some blessed peace for us. i feel a bit like a bee-in-a-box about all this and do feel like giving him the same back. i think i might be being a bit kneejerk emotional about it. i just wish he'd grow up.

sorry i didnt notice that website was the scottish domestic abuse one

sorry that was to neutronstar. i have told the police already, a PC came over to talk to me about it this evening, he said it'd be logged, and someone's gonna contact me tomorrow afternoon to see if i want to take it further with them. i don't want to go to a refuge or anywhere, done it before, know its there in time of need, but i am not scared of that bully any more and am not going to run.

Good for you. It sounds like you're a brilliant role model to your dd.

He's just a control freaky cowardly bully. That's the best that can be said about him.

He won't carry out his threats - it's incredibly rare.

Sorry you are going through this.Not much helpful to add but vvvqS' advice and info from Custardo are good.Keep posting for moral support.Hope you get somethng sorted so this horrid man can be out of your life.

I don't really feel like a victim of domestic violence any more, more like a survivor, and part of me upholds that I let him pick on me while we were together, so I can't feel sorry for myself about it (of course sometimes I do!). But I do feel like a victim of harassment! I don't really want to do nothing about it! And he stills lies and bluffs (been 'threatening' that he's about to emigrate to Ireland ever since I left, I just tell him I wish he would! cos I know he won't), blames me for everything and says 'you started this today by ringing me' as if that gives him licence, grrr. Blimey ok i am getting overangry at the plonker!

'A survivor' not 'a victim' - that's great - good for you.

ok, after monday's fun, he rang up again tues AM, saying, ha ha ha, the baby car seat you're using is illegal as it's too small(er, no its not!), you have to use the one i've got for dd..(er, don't think so! already got the next stage seat for her but she isn't ready). But you can probably guess, he was more gloating and trying to be intimidating to me again than sounding actually concerned for his daughter. Like when she was 6 months and she slept in bed with me sometimes he tried telling me that was illegal too! Always trying to undermine me! I said whatever, bye, and went out for the day, then made a formal statement about monday to the police on tues evening. they included a background about our relationship and it wasn't v nice thinking/talking about it! they went to arrest him last night, and he's been released on bail, due in court 20th June, but police reckon he'll only get caution as he hasn't been charged with harassment before (plenty of other stuff tho...). they couldn't stick any conditions on him either, and tho they strongly advised him not to contact me at all, he rang again this AM (the cheek!) to say he wanted dd to use the car seat he had. as if! i'm about to email news to solicitor, but they haven't realy seemed to want to help either. I feel like it's only you MNers behind me to get this 'man' sorted out!